


time no longer matters (i've left behind the past)

by hipgrab (merrymegtargaryen)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Takes Han's Hand, Do not repost, F/M, you know me and my addiction to fix-it fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:54:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 64,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24465286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merrymegtargaryen/pseuds/hipgrab
Summary: “I’m being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?”"Yes. Anything."He holds out the saber, and Han Solo takes it.“Come on,” he says softly, hand squeezing Ben’s shoulder. “Let’s get out of here.”
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 484
Kudos: 559





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a fix-it fic and decided I had found my calling, so, here we are.
> 
> Biggest of thanks to [luxillume](https://archiveofourown.org/users/luxillume/pseuds/luxillume) and [joyouslemniscate](https://joyouslemniscate.tumblr.com/) for beta-reading this! You guys are stars <3

_ “Ben!” _

_ Dad. _

He stands there for what feels like an eternity. How many times has he imagined this very moment? His parents finally running after him, calling for him to come back. 

_ They didn’t care until it was too late. _

He remembers the sting of abandonment and pulls on it, burying himself in the pain until it angers him. He lets his resentment build and grow, and only then does he whirl around to look at the man he once called his father.

“Han Solo,” he says, and he’s pleased at the way the modulator makes his voice sound. “I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time.” 

Force, when had his father grown so  _ old? _ He’d had grey streaks in his hair the last time Kylo had seen him, but now his whole head is grey and white, and the crow’s feet and dimples have spread into deep lines all over his face. He’s sixty-four, Kylo realizes with a lurch. 

_ Look how old you’ve become, _ he’d said to Lor San Tekka, but he’d always been an old man. Han Solo had not.

Slowly, tediously, Han Solo crosses the narrow bridge towards him. Kylo’s heart pounds in his ears; he forces himself to calm, reaching for the smooth center of his awareness. 

“Take off that mask,” Han calls, and Kylo’s heart pounds all over again. “You don’t need it.”

Kylo swallows. “What do you think you’ll see if I do?”

“The face of my son.”

Kylo deliberates for a long moment. He had taken off his helmet earlier to upset the scavenger girl...but taking off his helmet now would only give Han Solo what he wants.

And yet...Kylo takes it off anyway. 

“Your son is dead,” he says, and he hates the way his voice sounds, the humanness of it. He immediately regrets taking off his helmet, and the modulator that comes with it. “He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him.”

Han Solo walks closer, damn him. “That’s what Snoke wants you to believe. But it’s not true. My son is alive.”

“No. The Supreme Leader is wise.”

“Snoke is using you for your power.” Han Solo is  _ so close _ now, close enough that Ben  _ (Kylo, Kylo, it’s Kylo) _ can smell his aftershave. “When he gets what he wants, he’ll crush you.” Softer, he adds, “You know it’s true.”

The two men stare at each other for a long moment...and the longer that moment passes, the more anger and courage seep out of Kylo until there is only fear. 

In his dreams, he had imagined a cold retort, putting his parents in their place and telling them exactly how they had failed him. He could tell Han Solo right now how he had failed his son, how he never should have let his only son be shipped off to Luke...yet all he can think of is how tightly Han used to hug him when he’d have nightmares, how the terror would fade the moment he realized his father was there. He wants, so, so badly, for his father to chase away the shadows the way he used to.

“It’s too late,” he whispers, his voice breaking. 

“No, it’s not.” Han steps even closer, the same reassuring presence he’d always been. “Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you.”

_ We. _ Him and Leia? Are they still together after everything? He used to think he was all that was holding them together, but perhaps he was wrong. 

_ Even you have never faced such a test, _ Snoke had said, and he’d been right. Kylo had thought he’d be strong enough...but he isn’t. He sees that now. This isn’t like killing Ren or Lor San Tekka or the impersonal strangers of his past. This is his  _ father. _

His father.

“I’m being torn apart,” Ben Solo says, emotion finally cracking Kylo Ren’s mask. “I want to be free of this pain.” He swallows. “I know what I have to do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?”

_ Pathetic. Asking your father for the strength to kill him.  _

“Yes. Anything,” Han says with resolve.

_ Anything. You didn’t stop Mom from sending me away, though, you didn’t visit me at the temple, you didn’t pick up your commlink half the time.  _

Yet Ben drops Kylo Ren’s helmet, the noise echoing in the chamber, and unclips his lightsaber from his belt. It’s an ugly, unstable thing.  _ Just like me. _

He holds out the saber, and Han Solo takes it. 

The sky grows dark, bathing them both in the chamber’s red light. He can feel his own darkness crowding in around the edges--Snoke, Darth Vader, Kylo Ren--

\--yet the moment passes, and Han throws the lightsaber into the pit below.

“Come on,” he says softly, hand squeezing Ben’s shoulder. “Let’s get out of here.”

As if in a dream, Ben follows his father back across the bridge and wonders if it really is as easy as all that.


	2. Chapter 2

Rey stares as Kylo Ren crosses the bridge behind Han, docile as a happabore.  _ This _ is the man who hunted her in the woods, knocked her out, and restrained her while invading her mind? Han’s  _ son? _

She didn’t even know Han had a son, let alone that he was  _ Kylo Ren. _

_ “Han Solo,” _ he’d said in the interrogation chamber.  _ “You feel like he’s the father you never had. He would have disappointed you.” _

Had Han disappointed...Kylo? Ben? Whatever his name is? Is that why he turned to the dark side? When Han spoke of Luke’s student who turned on him, he had sounded so detached. Was it always that way, or was it only after his son had turned to the dark side?

To her horror, Han looks up at her and Finn and waves as if to signal everything is okay. She only gapes back. Unperturbed, Han motions for them to meet him outside.

“What’s he doing?” Finn asks in a low voice, but whether he’s talking about Han or Ren, she doesn’t know. 

It’s not like she has a choice, though. She trusts Han, and the  _ Falcon _ is their only way off Starkiller Base. So she turns on her heel and leads Finn outside.

“The  _ Falcon _ ’s this way,” he says, and now he’s the one leading her into the snowy woods. 

They’re both quiet for a long moment, their feet shuffling determinedly through the snow. It feels so strange. Like sand, only lighter and colder, and instead of feeling rough against her skin, it only feels wet. 

A sudden, horrible thought occurs to her.

“Did you know?” she asks. 

“Know what?”

“About Kylo Ren being Han’s son.”

Finn throws her a surprised look. “Of course I didn’t know. I’d never even seen his face until just now.”

She relaxes a little. Of course Finn didn’t know. He was just a pawn to the First Order. 

_ But he lied once before. _

She pushes the thought from her head. Han had died. Kylo Ren had lied. Everyone had lied to her. Lying is as natural to people, it would seem, as breathing. 

“Did he hurt you?” Finn asks, reaching for her hand. 

She pulls away. She likes Finn, and he is the closest thing she has to a friend, but she isn’t used to so much...contact. People don’t touch on Jakku, not unless they’re picking your pocket. 

“No. Not...it’s hard to explain.” She swallows. “He got...inside my head. I could feel him in there, looking at my memories and feeling my emotions. I didn’t like it, but it didn’t hurt.”

“Well, good.” Finn sounds relieved. “Good, I’m glad he didn’t...hurt you.”

_ He wouldn’t hurt me. _ She doesn’t know how to explain it, exactly, but she knows it to be true. She can feel it.

“Do you think...he’s serious? That he’ll come back with us?”

“I don’t know. Ren is...impulsive.”

“Impulsive?” That’s not the feeling she’d gotten from him at all. Every move he’d made had felt cool and calculated, the result of serious consideration. 

“Yeah. He’s a good strategist, don’t get me wrong, but you never know what he’s about to do or why or how. It’s why he’s so dangerous--he’s unpredictable. I think if he was serious, he could change his mind before we even get to the  _ Falcon. _ ”

Her heart pounds as she quickens her pace. “We should find Han.”

“You found him.”

Rey and Finn whirl around to see Han--and Kylo Ren. 

Despite the obvious differences between the two--Han’s jacket and holsters, Ren’s flowing black robes, Han’s grey head, Ren’s ebony hair--she can see the familial resemblance. They’re both taller than any man has a right to be, both set their jaws the same way. Their noses might have been the same once, but Ren’s is straight and Han’s has obviously been broken at some point in his life. 

Ren stares openly at her, even when she looks away. She doesn’t know what to do with such brazen curiosity. It unsettles her. 

As if sensing her discomfort, Finn steps in front of her. “How do we know we can trust him?” he asks Han.

“Because I said we can,” Han says, sterner than Rey has heard him. “And you don’t have a choice.”

Finn sets his jaw; over Han’s shoulder, Rey sees Ren’s eyes glittering with a barely contained smirk. 

“Fine,” Finn puffs out. “But if--”

“If nothing,” Han cuts across him. He’s serious, and even Ren’s smirk fades. “You only wanted to come to save Rey. She’s saved. This place is about to blow up. We’re leaving, but if you want to stay, be my guest.”

The silence hangs sharp between them...but at last, Finn’s shoulders sag and he steps back. 

Han nods in approval. “Alright then. Let’s get back to the  _ Falcon _ and--”

Bright lights sweep over them; Rey raises an arm, shielding her eyes instinctively, and sees a YT freighter that’s had better days. 

“Chewie!” Han exclaims, jogging towards the cliff. 

Rey throws a look at Ren, perturbed to see that he’s already looking at her. She shrugs off the feeling of unease and tears after Han, Finn right behind her...and slithering after them like a shadow, Kylo Ren.

Han and Ren make for the cockpit, but Rey doesn’t want to be in the same room as the darksider. She and Finn head for the common area, where she rummages beneath the open bunks until she finds a woven blanket. Even though it’s warmer in the ship than the snowy base, it’s still colder than she’s used to. She wraps the blanket around herself, curling up in one of the bunks. 

Finn sits beside her, subdued. The ship hums around them, making the jump to lightspeed.

“He’s really coming with us,” Rey murmurs.

“I won’t let him hurt you,” Finn promises.

“I’m not worried about me.” And she isn’t. She held her own against Ren when she was strapped down in an interrogation chamber with him in her mind; she can hold her own against him now, if need be. “I just...I can’t believe that Kylo Ren...is Han Solo’s son.”

“I can’t either. How could people like Solo and General Organa have a child who’s so...heartless?”

Rey doesn’t know this General Organa, but she assumes that she’s Han’s wife, the Leia that Maz had mentioned, and that Finn has met her. She must be a good woman. 

_ So why did her son turn out the way he did? _

She doesn’t understand it. She’d give anything to see her family again. She’d do anything they asked of her. To have good parents and to turn on them…

Han saunters into the room at last, his son trailing behind him. Rey keeps her eyes on Han, unwilling to look at the wraith behind him. 

“Alright,” Han says, sitting at the table. “Here’s what’s gonna happen.” He looks straight at Rey and Finn. “We are gonna go back to the Resistance base with my  _ son, _ Ben Solo, who was also being held prisoner on the base. As far as we know, Kylo Ren died on Starkiller with everyone else. Got it?”

She licks her lips and nods. “Got it.”

Ren zeroes in on her once more; she looks slightly to the side, hating how vulnerable she is to his gaze. 

“Finn?” Han asks sharply.

After a long moment, Finn murmurs, “Got it.”

Han gets to his feet. “Good. Ben, let’s find you some clothes.”

Silent as ever, Ren follows Han into one of the cabins. 

Rey scoots out of the bunk, making for the cockpit. Finn is hot on her heels; she ignores him, taking the pilot’s seat beside Chewie.

“How long have you known Ben Solo?” she asks point-blank.

Chewie growls back,  _ Since he was born. _

All his life, then. “And do you think we can trust him now?”

_ Yes. _ Chewie gives her an amused look.  _ He has too much of his father’s heart in him. _

Rey furrows her brow. “What does that mean?”

_ I’ve known Han since he was younger than Ben. He liked other people to believe he was a scoundrel, but he’s always had a heart of gold. Ben is the same way. _

She frowns. “How can that be true?”

Chewie shakes his head.  _ Just wait and see. His bark is bigger than his bite, we say on Kashyyyk. So it is with Han and his cub. _

Rey purses her lips. She doesn’t understand how a wielder of the dark side, the right hand man of Supreme Leader Snoke, someone who yearns to be as strong as Darth Vader, could have a heart of gold...but she only knew him for a moment. 

“What’s he saying?” Finn asks.

She hesitates before translating, “He says...Ben Solo is a good person.”

Finn snorts. “I’ve seen him do some not-so-good things.”

Chewie lets out a warning growl, one that chastens Finn into silence. 

Rey sits in the pilot’s seat, staring at the whirl of hyperspace. There’s something about Ben Solo she can’t see...but maybe in time she will.


	3. Chapter 3

Han rifles through the wardrobe in the captain’s cabin, pushing aside clothes as he searches for something Ben can wear. Most of his shirts and vests seem to be intact despite the  _ Falcon _ changing hands over the years. 

“Try these,” Han says, tossing a few things at his son before politely turning his back.

Ben silently removes his gloves, his long cowled robe, and the leather tunic underneath. His pants, undershirt, and boots are sturdy and won’t draw any attention underneath the thermal shirt and faded black vest in his father’s closet. 

Despite the layers, he still feels oddly naked and exposed. He’s so used to hiding behind the long black robes or sweeping cloaks; when was the last time he showed so much skin outside of the training room? Life with Snoke had been about stripping away his humanity, about making everyone see him as more creature than man. Faced with his own reality, he doesn’t know how to feel. Glad? Sad? Scared? Some combination of all three?

He leans against the captain’s bunk when he finishes changing, folding his arms across the chest as he looks at his father. “So.”

Han turns to look at him, his eyes crinkling with a bittersweet expression as he takes in the sight of his son wearing his clothes. “So.” He mirrors Ben’s pose, leaning against the wall and folding his arms over his chest. 

Ben takes a deep breath. “We’re heading back to the Resistance base, I assume.”

“You assume correctly.”

“Then what?”

“That’s a good question,” Han admits. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I just wanted to get you out of there.”

Ben reaches out, searching the other man’s emotions. He appears to be genuine...but how long will that last?

“I’m not gonna let anything happen to you,” Han says, as if he knows what Ben is doing. “And I’m not gonna...send you off somewhere again. Sending you to Luke was the biggest mistake I ever made, and I know that now.”

That surprises Ben. He’s long regarded himself as little more than a minor mistake made by his parents, an unexpected child that they’d foisted off on caretakers until he was old enough to ship away for good. How different would his life have been if they hadn’t sent him to Luke? He could’ve gone into politics with his mother, or flown across the galaxy with his father. He could’ve gone to a university and become a scholar. He could’ve gotten some boring job in a windowless office doing menial tasks. He could’ve been any number of things.

Instead, he’d become Kylo Ren.

He’d agreed to come with his father only  _ minutes _ ago, to cast aside Snoke and the First Order and the Knights of Ren with far more ease than he’d joined them. Some part of him still feels in a daze, unable to believe that an hour ago, he’d been talking to Snoke and telling him how powerful the scavenger girl was. Is. 

Now, he looks at his father, trying to decide if he believes him or not. “So what will you do? What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know,” Han says again. “But I will do whatever it takes to hold onto you. I love you so much, Ben.” His voice becomes thick with emotion, his arms falling to his sides. “Wherever you want to go, whatever you want to do...I just want to be there.”

Ben looks away, equally overcome with emotion. “Don’t you care about...the things I’ve done? The people I’ve hurt?”

“You didn’t do those things because Ben Solo wanted to do them; you did them because Snoke wanted you to do them.”

That gives him pause. “Well...yes.”

Han comes forward, resting a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay. You’re free of him.”

Ben swallows. “I’ll never be truly free of him. He’s had a hold on me since before I was even born. I can keep up the defenses in my mind, but I won’t be able to ever fully get rid of him.”

Han’s eyes crinkle again. “Then we’ll just have to hope the Resistance can defeat him.”

_ They can’t, _ Ben wants to say, but he’s too tired to explain it. Instead, he only nods mutely.

To his surprise, but not displeasure, Han wraps him in a hug. Ben is stiff and still for a minute before slowly circling his arms around his father, sucking in a breath as he feels his father’s embrace. All of his uncertainty leaves him, and in its place is a rush of surety and affection. Everything will be alright.

Somehow.

.

Chewie, the scavenger, and FN-2187 are in the cockpit when father and son emerge from the cabin. The scavenger and FN-2187 look up sharply, both desperate to move and unwilling to do so too obviously. Han has only to jerk his head for the scavenger to leap out of his seat, pressing her back against the wall to watch them. 

His father might not see him as a monster, but it’s clear the two younger people do. He can hardly blame them for that; one was a stormtrooper under his command, and the other was kidnapped and interrogated by him earlier today. Neither of them has any reason to trust him...and he’s not sure if he wants to give them any. He doesn’t plan to stay on the Resistance base long. Long enough to speak to his mother...if she’ll put aside the time for him. And then he wants to get the hell away from this war.

As Han checks the nav charts, Ben can feel a curious, tentative prod from the scavenger. Instinctively, the walls of his mind rise up, pushing her away. She lets out the smallest hiccup of surprise before mumbling something about the refresher and ducking out of the cockpit. FN-2187 tears after her with an earnestness that Ben finds sickening. He takes the stormtrooper’s vacated seat, pulling up to watch as they enter the Ileenium system.

They make planetfall on D’Qar without incident; ground marshals direct them to the outdoor hangar, where Han eases the bucket of bolts to the landing pad. 

Han and Chewie get up, but Ben stays glued to his seat for so long that they both turn to look curiously back at him.

He licks his lips. “I don’t...I can’t…”

“It’s okay,” Han says softly. “I’ll bring Mom onboard, okay?”

Ben only nods, unable to form any other words.

He watches from his chair as people mill about the landing pad, fighter pilots in orange jumpsuits and tech and administrative staff in woven uniforms that bespeak the Resistance’s meager budget. He sits with his hands gripping the armrests, paralyzed with fear. 

Seeing his father again had been hard, but to see his mother again…

Things had always been complicated between the two. She was  _ always _ busy when he was a kid, and though she was the Force sensitive one and had some Jedi training, she’d never had the time to teach any of it to Ben. He’d spent more time with his father than his mother, and he’d spent more time with Luke than either of them. 

_ Does she still love me? _ he wonders, and hates himself for it.

He’s debating taking off with the  _ Falcon _ when he feels her presence board the ship. His hands grip the armrests so hard they threaten to break the chair, his heart pounding as he hears her footsteps over the metal grating.

When she enters the cockpit, his heart leaps into his throat. They gaze at each other for a long moment, mother and son, before tears fill her eyes and she murmurs, “Ben…”

He bolts out of his seat, wrapping her in a hug so tight he can hear her bones crack. She hugs back even tighter, trembling as he wets her shoulder with tears. 

Behind her, he can see his father, his own eyes sparkling with emotion. Ben reaches out a hand, and Han comes forward to join them, mother, father, and son wrapped in one embrace.

When Chewie hunkers down to join them, they all laugh, cheeks wet and smiles tremulous. Leia takes Ben’s hand and murmurs, “I think we have a lot of catching up to do.”

.

Gathered around the Dejarik table, Ben tells his parents and Chewie everything he’d never been able to tell them before. He tells them about Ren and his knights, about Luke and the temple, about killing Ren and finding Snoke. They listen with wide eyes, occasionally sharing glances across the table but blissfully staying silent so he can finish.

When he does finish his tale, he takes a long drink of water while Han and Leia struggle to find the right words.

“Are you...are you  _ sure _ Luke meant to kill you?” Leia asks.

Of course. Leia could never believe her brother capable of trying to kill his own nephew.

_ Who does she trust more--her brother or her son? _

“He was standing over me with a lightsaber,” Ben says shortly. “I could feel his intent.”

Leia purses her lips.

“Luke...blamed himself for what happened,” Han says carefully. “I think...I  _ know _ Ben isn’t lying.”

Ben loves his father for that. 

“So you think Luke is?” Leia asks, but there’s only worry in her tone. 

“I think he might not have given us all the facts.”

“That’s not like Luke,” she says, and then hesitates. “Then again…”

_ We have the map, _ Chewie growls. 

Ben’s stomach turns. The map. He’d had every intention of using the map to track down his uncle and kill him. It’s what Kylo Ren would have done...and it’s what Snoke would have wanted.

_ If I kill Luke, I’ll just be doing what Snoke wants, _ he realizes, and that angers him, because if he lets Luke live, he’s no better than the Jedi in their useless benevolence. How can he ever look at Luke again knowing he tried to kill him? How can his parents?

“I’ve told you the truth,” Ben says, perhaps too loudly and too sharply. “If you don’t believe me--”

“I believe you,” Han says at once, looking at his wife. “Leia?”

“I believe you too,” she says, but not as quickly or eagerly as Han had. “I only...I want to hear it from Luke. I want to hear his reasons for doing it and his reasons for not telling the truth.”

Ben relaxes. He supposes he can understand that. 

“Maybe,” Leia suggests, “when we’ve put the map together, you can go--”

“No.” He flattens his palms on the table. “I am not going to see Luke. I don’t...trust myself to see him again.”

“But--”

“He tried to kill me, Mom.”

He hasn’t called her that in years--he hasn’t called her anything in years. It has the desired effect, though, because she purses her lips again before nodding. “Okay. I get that. So someone else will go. Han, or--”

“Not me.” Han looks at Ben. “I don’t want to leave Ben again.”

She considers this. “Fair enough. But I don’t know who else we can send to bring him here. Chewie?”

“Why do we have to bring him anywhere?” Ben wants to know. “Why can’t you just go to wherever he is and ask him yourself?”

“I can’t leave the Resistance,” she says at once. “I’m needed here.”

Ben sneers before he can help himself. “You’re always needed somewhere, unless it’s with your family.”

He can see the hurt in her eyes. “Ben, that’s not fair.”

“You could’ve trained me,” he reminds her. “You could’ve given a  _ shit _ about me instead of having droids and nannies take care of me until I was old enough to be shipped off to Luke. Our lives have always revolved around you but you never had time for us.”

More hurt, but to his surprise, she bows her head. “It’s...true I haven’t always been around when I should have. I see that now.”

He snorts. “Now.”

“Now,” she agrees. “And I should’ve seen it sooner.” She reaches over to take his hand. “I’m sorry, Ben. I truly am. I...you’re right. I’ve been a terrible mother.”

He tries not to feel guilty at this admission. “No, you haven’t,” he mumbles, but she shakes her head.

“If I hadn’t sent you off to Luke...if I’d  _ been there _ for you…” She shakes her head again, looking away for a moment as she tries to compose herself. “I can’t change the past,” she says when she finally turns back. “But I can try to make amends for it. Once we’ve evacuated the base, I’ll go to Luke myself.”

He hadn’t expected to hear her really say that, and it touches him that she means it. “What...will you do?”

“I don’t know,” she admits. “I guess that depends on what happens.”

He considers this. “Will you do something for me?”

“Anything,” she says at once, resting her hand over his. 

He takes a deep breath. “The scavenger girl. Rey. She’s strong in the Force, untrained. She needs a teacher.”

Leia raises her eyebrow. “And you want me to teach her?”

“She doesn’t like me.” That’s certainly one way of putting it. “She won’t trust me. Not the way she’d trust you.”

Leia considers him. “I only have the basics. You know that.”

“The basics are all she needs for now.”

She thinks for a long moment. “If it’s important to you…”

“It is.”

She nods. “Then I’ll do it. In the meantime, what do you intend to do?”

Ben glances at Han. “I don’t know. Go somewhere that isn’t the First Order or the Resistance.”

“Those places are becoming fewer and farther between,” she says grimly. “But I see your point. Okay.” She stands up. “I have to convene with the others, and see about this map, and find this...girl. Rey.” She gives Ben a pointed look, as if to say, “Are you coming?”

He doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to leave the ship and go out where anyone could see him...but more importantly, he doesn’t want to see the map and know where Luke is hiding. He doesn’t trust himself with the knowledge...and he doesn’t trust Snoke not to find a way through his defenses and see the map for himself. 

“I think we’ll stay here,” Han says with a meaningful look at Ben.

Leia nods. “Okay. I’ll come check on you later.” She hesitates, and then leans forward, kissing Ben on the forehead like she did when he was little. “It’s good to have you back,” she murmurs.

He takes a deep, shaking breath. “Yeah. It’s good to be back.”


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as they step off the  _ Falcon’s _ ramp, a man in an orange jumpsuit comes running, shouting, “Finn! Finn!”

“Poe!”

Rey steps back, watching in bemusement as Finn embraces the other man. Poe Dameron, BB-8’s owner? She thought he was dead. 

As if on cue, the orange-and-white droid comes rolling up to join them, beeping in excitement when it sees Rey. She kneels down to greet him, smiling.

“I’m okay,” she assures the droid. 

He beeps inquisitively. 

“Your antenna looks great.”

“Rey.”

She stands up, looking between Finn and Poe. Finn gestures to the other man. “This is Poe Dameron. He survived the crash and made it back to the Resistance base. Poe, this is my friend Rey.”

“Nice to meet you.” She shakes Poe’s hand with a smile. 

“And you. BB-8 says you took care of him.”

The droid beeps and whirs in the affirmative. She smiles down at him. “I like to think we took care of each other.”

Poe leads them inside, talking excitedly to Finn the whole way while Rey and BB-8 trail behind. She looks back, just once, at the  _ Falcon _ and sees Han and a woman she doesn’t know go up the ramp. General Organa, she assumes; Ben Solo’s mother.

_ It isn’t fair, _ she thinks bitterly.  _ After everything he’s done, he still gets his family back...and I never will. _

“Rey, you coming?” Finn calls back at her.

She turns and follows him and Poe inside and away from the Solo family.

.

There are so many  _ people _ here. 

Rey isn’t used to it. There had been  _ maybe _ a couple hundred people who would pass through Niima Outpost, but never all at the same time. There had been a lot of people on Takodana, sure, but not as many as there are on the Resistance base, and she’d had bigger priorities then, anyway.

Now, as they sit in the canteen surrounded by hundreds of people, she can feel herself growing overwhelmed. She tries to focus on the food in front of her (a mashed, starchy something, sprouts, what she’s pretty sure is supposed to be some kind of synthetic meat, and a purple goo that makes her wince because it’s  _ so sweet _ ), but there are too many people and the food is too different, and after a long moment she mumbles something about finding the latrine and excuses herself. 

She doesn’t feel like she can breathe again until she’s outside, her lungs taking in the fresh air. It’s humid on this planet, the air full of more moisture than she could ever dare dream of on Jakku. She hasn’t decided yet if that means she likes it or not. It’s somehow more oppressive than the dry heat on Jakku, but it’s lush and green here, and she likes that.

She’s debating a walk around the base to familiarize herself when she sees someone walk down the ramp of the  _ Falcon _ , the same woman who’d gone up the ramp with Han before.

And to Rey’s surprise, the woman makes straight for her.

“Rey, right?” she calls. 

“Y-yes.” Rey straightens up, then realizes she doesn’t have to; she has a good six inches on the other woman. 

“I’m Leia Organa...Ben Solo is my son.” The shorter woman extends a hand; Rey shakes it tentatively.

“It’s...nice to meet you.”

Leia Organa regards her curiously. “He wasn’t lying when he said you don’t like him. Well, never mind about that. He says you’re strong with the Force.”

“The Force?” Rey screws up her face. “I don’t know how to use the Force.”

“You don’t have to know how to use it to be strong with it.” Leia takes her hand again, and this time, Rey feels an electric current run between the two. “Mm. I see what he meant.” She releases Rey’s hand. “Rey, I want you to come with me.”

“Come with you?”

“I’m going to find my brother Luke.”

“And you want me to come with you for that?” Rey asks in disbelief.

Leia Organa shrugs. “I need a companion, you need a teacher. Why not?”

“I…” She realizes she doesn’t have a reason  _ why not. _ She has nowhere to be, nothing to do, no one to see. Why shouldn’t she go with Leia Organa to bring back Luke Skywalker? She could help the Resistance...and find out what her purpose is in this story. “When do we leave?”

Leia smiles at her. “First thing tomorrow morning.”

_ Tomorrow. _ That’s so soon...but what else is Rey going to do tomorrow? 

“I’ll be there.”

Leia’s smile widens. “Good.” She starts to walk off and then stops, turning to look at Rey once more. “Who are you?”

“Me? I’m nobody.”

Leia considers her again. “If you say so.” She leaves for real this time, and Rey wonders if the other woman knows something she doesn’t.

.

They assign a bunk to Rey and Finn, two small beds in a small room. Down the hall is a communal shower, and Rey is stunned to learn that anyone can use it at any time for however long they like.

“What about the tokens?” she asks insistently.

“What tokens?” 

“The tokens! You have to earn tokens for shower privileges, don’t you?”

The look Finn gives her is so sad. “Rey...you don’t need tokens to shower. It’s a...a right, not a luxury.”

She has never known water to be a right, whether she was drinking it or using it to wash off; therefore, it stuns her when she does foray into the showers and sees dozens of stalls occupied, water pounding the tile floor below. No one seems in much of a hurry, but Rey is unable to think of a shower as anything other than a fleeting treat. When she finally figures out the dispenser, she washes her hair and scrubs the dirt and sand and sweat from her skin; just for kicks, she even tries the drying option, testing the intensity of the air and heat lamps until her hair is mostly dry. 

She uses the showers to wash her clothes, too, only realizing after her own shower how bad they smell. Is this what she always smells like? Why didn’t anyone say anything?

Clean and dry and smelling much better than before, she goes to the bunk she’s sharing with Finn. He’s already asleep; deciding this is a good idea, she climbs into her own bed.

And lies there.

And lies there.

It’s too...stagnant in here. She’s used to sleeping in a rusty AT-AT that creaks and groans at the slightest breeze, but this room appears to be designed to filter out all noise. The air has that recycled feeling, not the fresh feeling of being outdoors, and the bed is too soft for her to get truly comfortable. She tosses and turns, but it’s too noticeable. 

Finally, she takes her blanket and pillow and lies down on the floor. It’s cold and hard, just like her AT-AT; pretending Finn’s breathing is the sound of the Jakku night, she eventually drifts to sleep.

.

In the morning, Finn walks with her to the hangar and hands her Luke Skywalker’s old lightsaber. She clips it to her belt, planning to hand it over to Luke as soon as they find him.

Leia hasn’t said where they’re going yet, but it makes little difference to Rey, who doesn’t know anything about the galaxy anyway. Every planet is new and strange to her, and she’s sure this one will be, too.

“I’ll miss you,” Finn says sincerely.

“I’ll miss you too.” She hugs him, wheezing when he hugs too tight. “We’ll see each other again soon, I promise. General Organa just has to convince Skywalker to join the Resistance, that’s all.”

Finn looks less certain. “He’s been in hiding for years. What if he doesn’t want to join the Resistance?”

“Why wouldn’t he?” she asks in surprise. “He’s Luke Skywalker, isn’t he?”

Finn shrugs. “He’s Luke Skywalker, but people...change. Maybe his rebellion days are done.”

“He’s a  _ hero. _ ”

“Who went into hiding,” he reminds her. “I don’t know, Rey, maybe just...don’t get your hopes up.”

She doesn’t like the words coming out of his mouth, but she doesn’t want to fight just before they leave. “Okay. And you stay safe out there.”

The Resistance is evacuating D’Qar today, but no one knows where they’re headed; the important thing is leaving before the First Order can get to them. Rey and Leia will rendezvous with them once they’ve brought back Luke; to make sure they find them, Leia wears a cloaked binary beacon. It is, interestingly, one of two she wears on her wrist...but Rey has the good sense not to ask about the second.

She hugs Finn one last time before going up to the ship, a light freighter that’s seen better days. Leia is standing beside it, waiting. Poe told Rey that Leia is a princess, but she looks less like a princess and more like a general now in no-nonsense button-up shirt, slacks, a long vest, and knee-high boots, her hair braided around her head. 

“Ready?” she asks Rey, and the younger woman nods. 

“Princess Leia!” someone cries, and Rey looks up to see a golden humanoid walking towards them. A droid, she realizes. There’s an R2 unit trailing behind him, beeping and whirring. 

“Princess Leia, wait for us!” the humanoid droid says, moving as fast as his mechanical legs will allow.

“Who are they?” Rey asks.

The golden droid bows at the waist. “ _ I _ am C-3PO, human-cyborg relations, and  _ this _ is my compatriot, R2-D2.”

“They’ve been in my family a long time,” Leia says with a reluctant sort of affection. “Wouldn’t dream of going anywhere without them.” She jerks her head. “Come on, you two.”

The R2 unit beeps happily, rolling up the ramp while Threepio follows after him. Leia gives Rey a bemused smile before heading up after them. “Alright, Artoo,” she says, heading to the cockpit. “Plug in those coordinates, will you?”

A beep comes from the outlet where Artoo has plugged himself in; Rey, Leia, and Threepio strap themselves into the cockpit seats. Leia gets the ship started, and once the nav charts have been enabled, prepares them for takeoff. A crowd has gathered to see them off; Rey finds Finn’s face in the crowd and waves at him, smiling when he waves back. The ship hovers in the air and then sails in an upward slant. Once they’ve broken through the atmosphere, Leia makes the jump to hyperspace.

“So,” Rey finally asks. “Where is it we’re going?”

Leia glances over at her. “Honestly? No idea. The planet is called Ahch-To, and that’s all I know. There are very few records of it from the imperial archives.”

A text from Artoo flashes across the nav charts.

“Already?” Leia asks in surprise, and when Artoo texts back his confirmation, she brings them out of hyperspace. “Well, that was fast.”

They enter the atmosphere through a layer of clouds, on the other side of which is miles and miles of blue ocean...and there, ahead of them, an island.

_ The island from my mind, _ Rey realizes with a start...the same one Ben Solo had seen. She watches as Leia skims over the water, circling the island once before finding a halfway decent place to land. The ship sinks onto the ground with a shudder, hissing and humming as it powers down. 

Leia looks over at Rey. “Ready to meet Luke?”

Rey takes a deep breath. “As ready as I’ll ever be.” She follows Leia off the ship, the droids trailing after them. The air is salty and cool, the wind brisk against Rey’s skin. The island is a tall mass of stone with steps that go up, up, up.

“That’s a long way up,” Rey notes. “Guess we’ll--”

But Leia puts her hands around her mouth and shouts loud enough to wake the dead, “LUKE SKYWALKER, GET DOWN HERE  **_NOW_ ** !” Turning to a gaping Rey, she says primly, “Now we wait.”

.

They wait for an eternity, but not because Luke Skywalker doesn’t show; rather, they wait because it takes so  _ long _ for him to descend from the top of his island. 

Rey gets a good look at him as he draws closer, and each downward step makes her a little more disappointed. The man before her wears coarse, dirty robes that might once have been white but are now an earthy grey and brown. His hair is long and shaggy, and his beard, while cropped close to his face, is unkempt. His right hand is a spidery, mechanical appendage, a stark contrast to the heavy robes swallowing him.

When he reaches the last step, he looks up at last, blue eyes wide. “Leia.”

“Aren’t you a little short for a Jedi master?”

It must be an old joke, one Rey doesn’t understand, for both siblings smile, and Leia comes forward to hug him. 

“Master Luke!” Threepio cries as the twins embrace.

“Hi, Threepio.” He hugs the droid, too, and his face lights up when Artoo beeps insistently at him. “Artoo!” He rests a hand on the droid, who is hopping and beeping. “Hey, watch the language! Sacred island!” His eyes flicker to Rey, who sucks in a breath and straightens up. “But who’s this?”

“This is my protege, Rey,” Leia tells him. “She has something that belongs to you.”

Remembering herself, Rey unclips the lightsaber from her belt and holds it out to Luke.

He stares at the lightsaber, and slowly, reaches out to take it. Rey sucks in another breath, a jolt of electricity running through her fingers as the Jedi master takes back his lightsaber. He turns it over in his hands, examining the blade with wide eyes. “Where did you find this?”

“Maz Kanata,” Rey tells him.

Luke smiles ever so slightly. “If anyone was gonna find this thing, it would be her.” His smile fades. “The last time I saw this lightsaber, it came off with my hand, when Darth Vader revealed to me he was my father, and everything I’d ever known was a lie.”

Rey feels her heart in her throat. Is that why Ben Solo wanted to be Darth Vader? Not because he was a powerful darksider, but because he was his grandfather? 

To Rey’s surprise, Luke hurls the lightsaber over his shoulder. 

“Luke!” Leia exclaims.

“I’m done with that life,” Luke says flatly. 

“Well you didn’t have to  _ chuck it over your shoulder. _ Kriff, the Skywalker men,” Leia huffs. 

Something flickers across Luke’s face. “Why are you here? How did you find me?”

“You left a  _ map _ , you moof-milker,” Leia snaps. “And I came to find you because it may have escaped your notice out here, but we’re fighting a  _ war _ , Luke.”

“I’m not stopping you.”

She makes a sound of disgust. “You’re not helping us, either. What happened to my brother, the hero of the Rebellion?”

“He grew up,” Luke says darkly. “And failed.”

Leia’s face softens, but only a little. “So what, you’re giving up? One mistake and that’s it? You’re done?”

“It was a pretty big mistake, Leia.”

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself,” she says harshly. “You can come back and lick your wounds as much as you want when this is over, but in the meantime, we need you. The Resistance needs you.”

His lip curls. “You don’t  _ need _ me. You think, what? I’m gonna walk out with a laser sword and face down the whole First Order? What did you think was going to happen here? You think that I came to the most unfindable place in the galaxy for no reason at all? Go away.” And with that, he turns and walks back up the stairs.

“Luke!” When he doesn’t turn around, Leia continues, “Ben came back to me!”

Luke whirls around to look at her then, his eyes wide. “He came  _ back? _ ”

“He came back,” she says, holding her head high. “And he told me that the reason he turned is because you tried to kill him.”

Rey gapes, looking between the two. To her horror, Luke lowers his eyes. 

“Is it true?” Leia demands. “Did you try to kill my son?”

He swallows. “It’s true.”

Leia shouts, and with a strength Rey didn’t know she possessed, with an ability she didn’t know a person could have, she leaps up to Luke’s step, pulling out a lightsaber. Luke reacts at once, holding out his hand; his discarded lightsaber flies to his hand just in time to block Leia’s blow.

“Why?!” Leia screams, and there’s an anger to her that terrifies Rey. “He’s my son! I  _ entrusted _ him to you, to help him and protect him!” She whirls her blade and Luke parries her blow.

“Leia,  _ listen _ !” he shouts. “You know I loved Ben like he was my own--”

_ “Then why did you try to kill him?” _

“I was afraid!” he shouts. “I was afraid of what I saw, what I  _ felt _ . There was a darkness to him that I haven’t felt since our father.”

“But you wouldn’t kill our father!” Leia screams back. “I was the one who hated him, but you always loved him! You refused to kill him, and when the time came, he gave his life for yours! You held him as he breathed his last! He told you you were right about him!!” Another slash; Luke is the one who leaps higher up the stairs this time, but Leia pushes off and follows him.

“Oh, Mistress Rey, stop them!” Threepio cries.

Rey doesn’t have to be told twice; she pelts up the stairs, running as fast as her legs can carry her. The twins are still battling, moving with a speed and agility far beyond Rey’s; she gets so desperate that at times she finds herself hunkering down, using her hands to propel her as if this was a Star Destroyer and not a steep set of stairs.

She finally catches up with them near the top of the mountain, panting and sore and sweating but no less determined to break them apart. They’ve entered a sort of room carved into rock, a pool of shallow water glittering in the sunlight. Leia is still furious, so much so that Rey staggers back at her energy, but she can feel nothing from Luke. In fact, he doesn’t seem to be doing anything other than blocking Leia’s blows; while she keeps coming at him, he only defends himself but never strikes. 

“Leia, enough!” he shouts. “You know I’m more skilled with a lightsaber than you are!”

“I don’t care! For years you let me think my son turned to the dark side of his own accord! You lied to me!”

“I never lied!” 

“You hid the truth, then, which is a lie in itself!” Leia knocks aside his blade, and when she thrusts her blade forward, she meets her mark.

_ “NO!” _ Rey screams, watching as the blue of Leia’s blade pierces Luke’s side.

Leia switches off her saber and tosses it aside, catching Luke as he falls forward. All the anger has leached away, leaving pale terror in its place. Rey runs forward to help her settle Luke on the ground, his robes burned where the lightsaber pierced him. 

_ She killed him, _ she thinks in a daze.  _ She killed her own brother. _

But Leia has a hand on the wound, her face screwed up in concentration. Rey can feel...something, though she doesn’t know what. She feels an energy pulsing in the chamber, and when Leia slumps back, the wound in Luke’s side has completely disappeared.

Rey looks between them, gaping. “What…?”

“Force healing,” Luke murmurs, touching the smooth, uninjured flesh. 

“You can do that? Heal people who are mortally wounded?”

“You can,” Leia says, sounding drained, “but it’s not easy.” Her face is so sad. “You always said I had more of our father in me than I thought. I never wanted to believe you...but I guess you were right. Again.”

“You were right to want to kill me,” Luke says miserably. “You’re right, you entrusted your son to me, you wanted me to help him find the light amidst the darkness, but I was afraid of what I saw.” He shifts so that he’s sitting up more fully. “I did go into his hut that night to feel his energy while he slept, and what I saw frightened me...but as soon as I drew my blade, I remembered that he was my nephew and the closest thing to a child I would ever have. I remembered that I was the one who suggested the name Ben.”

“Because Ben Kenobi was my only hope,” Leia whispers.

Luke bows his head. “Yes. Ben, your Ben, was our new hope; where we were born under the shadow of the Empire, he would only know peace.” He heaves a sigh. “What I saw, Leia...I hoped it was just a shadow or a dream, but when he killed the other students--”

“He didn’t kill them,” Leia says harshly, a little more life seeping into her. 

Luke blinks at her. “They were dead when I found them.”

“He doesn’t know what happened. He ran to the temple to tell the others that you tried to kill him, and there was an explosion. He escaped with one of his friends and went looking for Snoke.”

Luke’s eyes search his sister’s. “Leia, are you  _ sure _ ?”

“That’s what he told me,” she says firmly. “I believe my son.”

He closes his eyes. “Then I’ve made a terrible mistake.”

“You made a terrible mistake the minute you drew your lightsaber on my son.” Her voice is as cold as her eyes. “I trusted you. I believed you for  _ years _ , and all this time, it was a lie.”

“I never meant to lie.” He rubs the bridge of his nose. “I meant it when I said it was my fault.”

“But you didn’t tell me  _ why. _ You knew I’d be angry.”

Luke says nothing, only hangs his head in shame.

Rey feels as if she’s invading on a deeply personal moment between the two siblings, but she has no idea how to extricate herself without drawing attention. 

Luckily, she doesn’t have to; Leia uses Rey’s shoulder to help herself to her feet. “Come on, Rey. We should go.”

Rey stands up, and Luke follows.

“Leia, don’t go,” he pleads. 

“Why not? Isn’t this what you wanted? To come to the most unfindable place in the galaxy and rot here?”

“Leia!”

But the general is already making her way out of the chamber, Rey tripping after her.

“ _ Leia! _ ” he shouts again, jogging after them. “Don’t go! Stay a while, we can talk.”

Leia whirls to face him. “What’s there to talk about? You tried to kill my son, and as a result, he became Snoke’s pawn. He spent  _ years _ doing whatever Snoke wanted, all because he was too afraid to confide in me.” She chokes up, tears in her eyes. “I love you, Luke. I always have, and I always will. But I can never forgive you for this.”

“I know,” he says softly. “I’m not asking you to forgive me.”

“Then what?”

He spreads his hands. “I don’t know.”

Leia considers him. “I’ll give you one day,” she decides at last. “But we leave tomorrow.”

His shoulders sag in relief. “Thank you--”

“Don’t thank me. I’m not doing it for me.” She continues marching down the stairs. 

Rey follows her and wonders what in the galaxy she’s gotten herself into. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I am honestly very overwhelmed at the response to this! I wasn't really expecting that many comments after the first chapter, but you guys aren't just commenting, you are writing ESSAYS and that is a luxury I have not experienced before! I love seeing all your thoughts!!
> 
> Also for anyone who's curious, the fic title came from "This is the Time" by Unloved; I love their music and this song just felt so very fitting for this fic.

There are many beautiful places in the galaxy, but Ben has always thought Cloud City was perhaps the most beautiful. 

He’d always loved visiting Uncle Lando as a kid, not just for the city, but also because of the man himself. He’d let Ben get away with anything, calling him his little starfighter and spoiling him the way only an uncle can. He’d also taught Ben the importance of fashion, especially capes; though Han had always made fun of Lando’s taste, Ben had always secretly admired it and hoped to emulate it someday.

When they dock at the hangar, the man himself comes out to greet them. He’s older now, certainly, but he still has that swagger, accentuated by the billowing cape. There’s an expectant look on his face, but when he sees Ben, it drops.

“Ben?” he asks in shock.

“We told him you were killed,” Han mutters. “To avoid questions.”

Ben can work with that--it’s certainly easier than having to explain that he was temporarily the apprentice of Snoke. 

“Is that Ben?” Lando’s asking, running forward. “It can’t be…?”

“Hi, Uncle Lando,” Ben murmurs. 

“You’re alive?”

“I am,” he says. “I was lost, but...Dad found me.”

Han’s eyes shine.

Lando hugs Ben tightly. He still smells the same, a tangy combination of his cologne and pomade that he used to tell Ben drove people wild. To Ben, it just smells like his home away from home. 

“We all thought you were dead.” Lando’s voice is thick with emotion. “We thought... _ I _ thought…”

“I know. It’s okay; I’m alive.” When he pulls back, he sees tears in Lando’s eyes.

“Oh, don’t be such a big softie,” Han says, but he embraces Lando with an open affection he rarely displayed before. “Hey...the kid and I were hoping to lay low here for a while. Is that okay?”

“What are you talking about? Of course it’s okay!” Lando wipes his eyes, grinning. “You three gentlemen are welcome here  _ any _ time.” He reaches up to scratch Chewbacca’s chest, earning a contented rumble from the Wookie. “Let’s get you inside, and get some  _ drinks _ in those hands!”

“It’s morning,” Han points out.

“ _ ‘It’s morning’ _ ,” Lando mimics. “When did you get so old, Solo? You can drink at any time of the day with the right mixer. Come on! Let’s drink and catch up!”

Ben and Han exchange grins, letting Lando lead them into the city and to his apartments. The city is almost blindingly white, the effect of the sun shining through the clouds. When the sun begins to set, the city and everything in it will be the most beautiful shade of pink. As a child, Ben used to be obsessed with it, insisting on sitting and watching the golden hour.

“Skywalkers and sunsets,” his father used to joke. “Luke can’t take his eyes off a good sunset, and neither can you.”

Lando prattles on about how things are going in Cloud City until they reach his apartments; lavishly decorated as always, he summons a server droid to pour drinks for all of them. As soon as the droid is gone, he turns to his three visitors, swirling the pale purple drink in his hand. “So, what happened?”

Ben glances at Han, who gives the most imperceptible nod before turning to Lando. “It’s a complicated story, I don’t think Ben is feeling up to it.”

Lando eyes the two of them, nodding. “Okay. Fair enough.” He leans back on his sofa. “What  _ can _ you tell me?”

“Not much,” Ben admits. “Dad found me yesterday, brought me to the Resistance base. They’re evacuating now, and we decided to come here.”

“Well, I’m honored to be your first thought after seeing your mother,” Lando says sincerely. “How’s Leia doing?”

“Ah, you know, leading a rebellion as always,” Han says as if this is no unusual occurrence. 

Lando nods. “Still no word from Luke?”

Han looks at his drink. “Ah, no, no word from him.”

For such a famous swindler, his dad really can be a horrible liar sometimes. 

Lando doesn’t look as if he quite believes him. “Well, that’s a shame. I--”

The door hisses open, and Ben turns to see a woman standing in the doorway, eyes wide. “Ben?!”

_ “Jannah?” _ he asks in disbelief, setting down his drink. He barely has time to stand before she’s barreling at him, arms tight around him. He hasn’t seen the kid since she was...well, a kid. She’d been a gangly teenager then, rolling her eyes at everything, including her “cousin” Ben. Where Ben was quiet and reserved, she was loud and brazen. They’d certainly bickered like cousins, but they’d also been friends. 

Very suddenly, she steps back, shoving his chest. “Where the hell have you been?!”

“Ow!”

“We thought you were dead!”

“Jannah,” Lando says, not very sternly; he’d never been much of a disciplinarian. “Don’t push Ben.”

“I’ll push him all I want for making me think he was dead!” she shouts.

“I’m sorry,” Ben says quietly. “It’s...complicated. I wish I could tell you the full story, but...I don’t think I can.”

“Ben has been through a lot,” Han says, standing up and gently moving between the two. “And what happened isn’t his fault.”

A guilty look crosses Jannah’s face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even...I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Yeah, me too.” Ben takes his seat again. “So what have you been up to since I’ve been...gone?”

Jannah sits beside her father, much calmer than she’d been a moment ago. “Fucking shit up, mostly.”

Ben grins. “Of course.”

“Jannah’s been invaluable in helping her old man run things here,” Lando says proudly. “As well as being an ace pilot.”

She grins. “I learned from the best.”

She and Lando talk for a while, mostly about themselves, but sometimes Han and Chewie will add stories of their exploits, drawing laughs from the Calrissians.

Ben is content to sit and listen, glad to be surrounded by people who don’t expect anything from him other than his presence. 

Han looks over at him once or twice, winking the way he used to when Ben was a kid. 

Maybe home isn’t a place, Ben realizes. Maybe it’s the people around you.

.

Later, after he’s made ample use of his room’s luxurious refresher and changed into the clothes Lando had rustled up for him, Ben goes to Lando’s apartment.

The older man is happy to see him, putting an arm around his shoulders as he takes him into the lounge and sets him down on a seat facing the window.

“This was always your favorite, wasn’t it?” he asks, sitting beside Ben. “The golden hour?”

It was, and it still is. Ben watches, mesmerized, as the white clouds take on a pale yellow hue. Soon they will be a shimmering gold, then a rosy pink, a deep purple, and finally a dark blue. 

Lando watches him. “What is it, little starfighter?”

The corner of Ben’s mouth lifts in a smile. “You haven’t called me that in years.”

“Because you’re taller than me.” Lando squeezes his shoulder. “But you’ll always be my little starfighter, you know that.”

Ben swallows. “You’ve always treated me like your own child. You taught me how to dress, how to cheat at sabacc; you keep a blaster in a locker here for me in case I ever run into trouble.”

“That’s true. So what’s going on, kid? I know you didn’t come here just to watch the sunset.”

“If I told you something...something I’d done...something terrible...would you still love me?”

Lando is quiet for a long moment. “Is this about Kylo Ren?”

Ben twists to face him, jaw slack. “How did you…?”

“I’m not an idiot,” the other man says, polite but firm. “I had my suspicions, but seeing you in the flesh confirmed them.”

Ben looks back out the window, heart pounding. 

“I could never stop loving you, Ben.” Lando’s voice is soft. “You’ll always be my little starfighter, no matter what.”

Ben’s throat feels thick. “Oh.”

Lando elbows him gently. “So tell me what happened.”

As the sky outside changes, the clouds a beautiful, shifting canvas, Ben tells Lando everything. The other man listens patiently and without interruption, and when Ben has finished his tale, he reaches over to hug him. Ben, for the first time since coming back, cries into his shoulder, letting all the pain and misery and shame drain out of him.

The sky is black by the time he finishes. Lando pulls out a handkerchief (“Always be prepared, kid,” he used to tell Ben) and dries Ben’s tears. “It’s okay, little starfighter,” he says softly. “You’re okay. Now let’s eat some good food, none of your processed military bantha shit, and drink until we pass out. I think you’ve more than earned it.”

Feeling better than he has in years, Ben walks with Lando, arms slung around each other’s shoulders as they head for the dining room. Han, Chewie, and Jannah are waiting, smiles on their faces, and at the sight of them, Ben can’t help but smile back. 

.

They do drink until they pass out--or so Ben presumes. One minute he’s laughing uproariously at something Lando says, the next, he’s in his bed with the worst hangover of his life.

He hasn’t been hungover in a very long time. Snoke had never approved of indulging in anything, but especially any intoxicant that could dull the senses, and Luke had ironically had a similar view. The last time Ben drank would have to have been the last time he saw his parents, when they’d all gotten tired of each other after too much time spent in the same apartment and had ended up drinking themselves into a stupor. Going back to Luke had almost been a treat after that visit.

He groans now at the blinding white light coming in through his window; even with the shades drawn, the light pierces his skull. His whole head is pounding, his mouth uncomfortably dry, and his stomach is roiling.

He rolls over in bed, trying to find a more comfortable position, but the very air seems to shrink around him, a vacuum forming around his head. It’s been a long time, but he’s pretty sure this isn’t normal; he sits up, cradling his head…

...and is stunned to find the scavenger girl in his room.

They stare at each other for a long moment, each perplexed to see the other. There’s no reason she should be here...but she is.

Isn’t she?

“What are you doing here?” The words sound like a croak, his voice harsh and throat dry. 

“What are  _ you _ doing here?” she demands. 

“You’re in  _ my _ room.”

“What? You’re in  _ my _ hut!”

They frown at each other.

“So...let me get this straight.” He runs his fingers through his hair, hoping to clear the haze in his head. “You can see me, and I can see you, but we’re...in different places?”

She blinks. “Are we?”

“I’m in Cloud City, and you’re...wherever Luke is.”

She purses her lips. She’s just woken up too, it looks like; he can see the lines on one side of her face, indentations from a pillow or blanket, and her hair is mussed. 

He tilts his head, considering. This is some kind of Force projection...or is it? Only a very skilled Force-wielder could do that, and she has proven herself powerful but untrained. “You’re not doing this, the effort would kill you,” he murmurs aloud. He looks around, wondering if perhaps his surroundings have changed, but no, it’s still his room in Cloud City. “Can you see my surroundings? I can’t see yours.” He watches her eyes widen in surprise. “Just you. So no,” he decides. “This is something else.”

She looks as if she’s about to say something, but a noise makes them both look to the side; his door opening. When he glances back, Rey is gone. 

_ What was that? _

“Mornin’, kid,” Han grumbles, clutching two steaming cups of caf; he hands one to Ben and sips delicately at his own.

“Thanks.” Ben takes the cup, drinking...but all he can think about is the girl appearing in his room.


	6. Chapter 6

Rey stares at the wall where Ben Solo had appeared only moments ago. He’d been in her hut, yet in another room in another city in another part of the galaxy altogether. Is this the Force? That strange, intangible power she keeps hearing about but doesn’t understand?

The noise that had startled her comes again; the clink of stone on stone. Rubbing her eyes and pushing herself off of her stone bed, she walks outside on stiff legs and sees Luke and Leia sitting around a small cookfire, Luke ladling a thick sort of stew into Leia’s bowl. They seem to be getting along now; Rey had left them alone last night to talk, and that seems to have done the trick. 

“Rey!” Leia greets with a tired sort of smile. “Come join us, Luke has made prawn stew.”

Rey doesn’t know what prawns are, but the stew smells good and her stomach rumbles. She takes a seat beside Leia, accepting an earthenware bowl full of the russet-colored stew. It’s flavorful--almost too much so, because she chokes and coughs after a couple sips.

“It’s not  _ that _ bad,” Luke deadpans.

“It’s not bad, just...spicy? I think?” Rey splutters, accepting a bottle of water from Leia.

“You think  _ this _ is spicy?” Leia asks in disbelief. 

“Kid, this is about the blandest food out there,” Luke chortles. “Where are you from?”

“Nowhere.”

“No one’s from nowhere.”

“Jakku.”

“All right, that is pretty much nowhere,” he grants. “So how did you end up as my sister’s protege?”

That’s a good question, actually. Rey glances at Leia. “Well…”

“Go on, Rey,” Leia encourages. “Tell Luke how you came to the Resistance base.” The implication is clear: tell  _ me _ how you came to the Resistance base.

Rey takes a deep breath. “Right, so...I found a BB unit on Jakku, and it turned out, it was the BB unit that had a piece of the map to find Luke Sky--to find you. So the First Order came after us, so my friend and I took the BB unit and hijacked a ship, which later turned out to be the  _ Millennium Falcon. _ Han Solo and Chewie found us, and we went to Takodana because Han wanted to give the piece of the map to Maz, but while we were there the First Order attacked and--” She hesitates, glancing at Leia. Does she want to tell her this part? 

“Go on,” Leia says, eyebrows raised.

Rey swallows. “Kylo--Ben Solo found me there and...I don’t know. He said he’d heard so much about me. And then he knocked me out, and when I woke up I was on the Starkiller base.”  _ And then he entered my mind and I entered his, and it feels like he’s still there.  _ “Han and Chewie and my friend Finn came to rescue me, and while they were there, Han spoke to Ben and convinced him to come back. And...that’s how I ended up joining the Resistance.”

The twins consider her for a long moment.

“Rey…” Leia says slowly. “Did Ben...do anything to you?”

She bites her lip.

“Did he hurt you?”

“No,” she says quickly, seeing the worry on Leia’s face. “He just...entered my mind. He saw all my thoughts and memories. He knew I’d seen the map and he was trying to find it.”

Leia sighs. “I guess that explains that.”

“What explains what?”

“He said you didn’t like him.” She gives Rey a wry smile. “He asked me to teach you the ways of the Force.”

“He did?” Rey feels her heart sink. So Leia hadn’t seen something special in her; she’d only brought Rey along because her son, the same son who’d invaded Rey’s mind, had asked her to. 

Yes, his uncle had tried to kill him, and yes, he’d been the victim of a lie for years, but he’d still kidnapped her and invaded her mind, and he’d never shown any remorse for it. 

“I’m not a very good teacher,” Leia continues, “but he knew you wouldn’t trust him, and with...everything that’s happened…” She glances at her brother. “Well, I can teach you the basics.”

_ Because your son asked you to. You wouldn’t do it otherwise. _

“I’m actually not very hungry,” Rey says, setting down her bowl. “I’m going to take a walk.”

“Rey?”

She ignores Leia, walking up the steps as tears start to prick her eyes. 

_ The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead, _ Maz had said, but so far the only belonging Rey has gotten has been at the behest of a darksider who’d tormented her. Even lightyears apart, he’s still in her mind, appearing in her hut and asking stupid questions. Will she never be free of him?

An odd sort of whispering wafts across the wind; at first, she thinks it’s just the wind and sea, but it grows louder and louder until she knows she’s hearing voices. She looks around her, curious, and follows the source of the whispering. 

In a valley shrouded in mist, she can see what looks like an ancient tree trunk rising up in five uneven points. As she gets closer, she sees an opening at its base, just big enough for her to walk through. Curiouser and curiouser, she walks through the opening and finds herself in a small chamber lit by a shaft of pale sunlight. Across the small room is an even smaller table, more like a shelf, that holds nine leather-bound books, bookended by two slabs of rock. She reaches for one, curious.

“Who are you?”

She starts, turning to see Luke darkening the entryway. 

“I know this place,” she whispers. Snatches of dreams long-since forgotten seep back into her memory. 

Luke comes fully into the chamber. “Built a thousand generations ago to keep these.” He reaches for one of the leather-bound books. “The original Jedi texts.” He opens a book, running a finger over the faded ink. “Just like me, they’re the last of the Jedi religion.” He turns to look at her. “You’ve seen this place. You’ve seen this island.” It isn’t a question.

“Only in dreams.”

“Who are you?” he asks again. 

“I’m no one.”

“My nephew wouldn’t have asked his mother to train  _ no one. _ ”

She can feel her face hardening; she looks away, staring at the wall. “She says I have the Force.”

“Do you?”

“That’s what she says.” She hesitates, softening. “Something inside me has always been there. But now it’s awake...and I’m afraid. I don’t know what it is or what to do with it, and I need help.” 

“You need a teacher,” Luke says softly. “I can’t teach you, and Ben...well. Leia’s the best you’ve got.”

“You don’t sound very confident in her abilities.”

“Leia chose a politician’s life over that of a Jedi. I don’t begrudge her for it, but her ability with the Force will never be as honed as someone who spent years studying it. Even she’ll tell you that.”

She bites her lip. “You think Ben would be a better teacher?”

“I think his ability with the Force is more honed than my sister’s,” Luke says honestly. “But I don’t think it’s a good idea for you or him.”

She swallows. “I don’t want Leia to train me just because he asked her to.”

“I’m afraid you don’t have much of a choice. There aren’t that many Force-users out there anymore; my students were all killed, and the Sith have their rule of two.”

“Rule of two?”

“There can only be a master and an apprentice,” Luke explains. “When the apprentice’s power is equal to the master’s, they will kill their master and inherit all their powers, and find a new apprentice to someday do the same to them.”

She shivers. “And that’s...what Snoke is? A Sith?”

“Not officially, but he’s practically a clone of Palpatine, so he might as well be.”

She considers this. “So you, Ben, and Leia are my only choices? At all?”

“Ben and Leia,” he corrects. “I will never teach another student again.”

“You said her ability isn’t honed. She said she’s not a very good teacher. What happens if I want to learn more than what she’s capable of teaching me?”

“Then I’d say you have a very interesting dilemma.” He moves away, leaving her alone in the chamber.

Rey isn’t alone for long, however; Leia joins her moments later.

“I won’t train you if you don’t want me to,” she says bluntly. “But I love my son, and I want to do right by him, and when he asked me to train you, I said yes because I wanted to make him feel that he could trust me again. I can’t lose him again, Rey.”

“Would you have trained me if he hadn’t asked?” Rey can’t help asking. 

“Is that what this is about?” Leia comes forward, stroking her cheek. “Honestly? Probably not. But it’s not because of you. I’m not as skilled with the Force as my brother and my son. Luke taught me the basics so that I’d know how to use them if the occasion called for it, but I had other priorities. It’s why I sent Ben to live with Luke; he showed an interest in the Force, and I wanted him to have a good teacher. I will teach you everything I know, but only if that’s what you want.”

Rey nods. “It is what I want.”

Leia nods back. “Then let’s find somewhere to start.”

They climb further up the island to the cave where Leia had injured Luke earlier. There’s a ledge outside with a raised platform; at Leia’s instruction, Rey sits on the platform, legs crossed.

“The Force is not a power,” Leia begins. “Though some think it is. It’s the energy between all things, a tension, a balance that binds the universe together.”

“Okay,” Rey says slowly. “But what  _ is _ it?”

“Close your eyes.”

She does. 

“Breathe.”

She does.

“Now reach out. Not like that,” Leia corrects, lowering Rey’s outstretched hand and pressing it to the rocky platform. “Breathe. Just breathe. Now reach out with your feelings.”

Rey does, imagining the energy inside her expanding. She imagines the whole island as she remembers it.

“What do you see?” Leia asks softly. 

“The island,” Rey answers, focusing on it. She zooms in, gliding over the rocky terrain and touching flowers and bones. “Life. Death and decay that feeds new life.” She can see seeds taking root, pushing past the surface, and blooming. She sees the sun, too, and the ocean below. “Warmth. Cold.” One of the curious creatures from this island sheltering her young just as a wave from below crashes against the rocks. “Peace. Violence.”

“And between it all?” Leia asks, still in that soft voice. 

“Balance. An energy. A Force.”

“And inside you?”

She can feel herself smiling. “Inside me, that same Force.” But a new image comes to her, a slick rock low on the island. “There’s something else. Beneath the island. A place. A dark place.” It’s as if she’s gliding over the slick rock, peering over the edge. “It’s cold.” It’s a cave covered in wet vines, dark and cold and frightening but calling her nonetheless. “It’s calling me.”

“Resist it, Rey,” Leia urges. 

But she’s so close to seeing what’s inside, what waits below--

Something jerks her arm in the vision, and when she looks up, she sees Leia, lips moving in a soundless entreaty.

The real Rey opens her eyes, gasping. The real Leia peers at her.

“What was that?” Rey splutters. “It was calling to me--”

“The dark side,” Leia says grimly, sitting on the edge of the platform. “It exploits your weaknesses; in this case, your natural curiosity.”

_ My parents.  _ “So by trying to find answers...I was giving in to the dark side?”

“Not giving in, exactly...but you were opening yourself up to its influence,” Leia explains. “The dark side offers us things that we want. It starts small, and gets bigger and bigger. It takes a little from us each time until we’re beholden to it. Few who dabbled in the dark side ever went back to the light.”

“Ben did.”

“I wouldn’t say he went back to the light,” Leia says gently. 

“You think he’s still in the dark?”

“I don’t think he’s in either right now.” She looks out over the horizon. “Ben has...shut himself off from the Force. Not unlike Luke.”

“You can do that?”

“It’s not easy, especially for people like them, but it can be done.” She takes a deep breath. “They don’t want to be found. Sensed. And Snoke...well, he’s stronger with the Force than I think any of us realized.”

Rey brings her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. “You think he could find them just by...using the Force?”

Leia is quiet for a long moment. “Ben...was an unusual child,” she says at last. “He had the worst nightmares. He was afraid to sleep at night. Han and I tried everything, but it was years before we could get him to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. There was always this...shadow following him around. Luke and I thought it might have been our father’s shadow, but now…”

“Now?”

Leia’s face hardens. “It was Snoke. I don’t know how, but he knew when Ben’s life formed inside me. He was always there, haunting his dreams. He wanted Darth Vader’s heir...and he got him.” She gets to her feet. “Ben may have shut himself off from the Force, but that will only keep Snoke away for so long. He’ll find my son again...and I only hope I’m strong enough to protect him this time.” She jerks her head. “Come on; rain’s coming in.”

Rey looks out and sees that stormclouds are indeed forming on the horizon, grey and fat with rain. She clambers off the platform and follows Leia through the cave and down the stairs. 

“We’ll head out once the storm passes,” Leia continues. “In the meantime, can you run down to the ship and make sure Threepio hasn’t blown a circuit?”

“Yes. Leia?”

“Hmm?”

“How do I find answers? Without opening myself to the dark side?”

Leia turns to look at her with a careful expression. “Sometimes, Rey...the truth is worse than not knowing.” She turns and leaves Rey feeling even more confused than she was before. 


	7. Chapter 7

Ben has always liked working on the  _ Falcon. _ He’s always had an intuitive understanding of ships and their parts, what goes where and why. It helps that his father is easily the best pilot in the galaxy, and made sure Ben knew his way around a ship from the time he could crawl.

Both Solo men and Chewie work off their hangovers--or rather, the Solo men work off their hangovers, and Chewie, who could outdrink both of them together twice over, helps. 

Ben works from muscle memory, bending cords that only work if you bend them a certain way, ignoring the color coordinating plugs and sockets because half of them don’t work anyway, banging whatever wall or ceiling or panel is nearest whenever the power flickers only to watch it spark back to life. It soothes the ache in his head and the roiling in his stomach. Gradually, the hangover becomes little more than a small irritant.

He’s given up on checking his father’s commlink, and the  _ Falcon _ ’s comm system; he’d been hoping for word from his mother, some sign that she’d spoken to Luke, but nothing. 

_ He probably lied a second time, and she probably believed him again, _ he thinks bitterly.  _ And who even knows what they’re telling Rey. _

He doesn’t know why  _ that _ should matter to him...except that it does, the same way it had mattered when the scavenger girl had called him a creature in a mask and he’d wanted to prove her wrong. 

_ She always sees the worst in me, just like everyone else...but why do I want to prove her wrong? _

Her appearance this morning had startled him; as he works on the  _ Falcon _ ’s hyperdrive, he turns over in his head the different reasons for her manifestation in his room. Force projecting is out of the question. A shared dream, perhaps? But he was awake, and that would require some kind of bond. He could just be delusional and her appearance nothing more than a hallucination...but it had felt so  _ real _ . 

Almost as if summoned by his thoughts, the air shrinks the way it had this morning, and when he turns, he sees her standing there, blinking at him.

He’s inside the  _ Falcon, _ but wherever she is is definitely outside; she wears a water-resistant poncho stained with rain droplets and swaying in a breeze he can’t see. She looks surprised...and afraid.

“Why is the Force connecting us?” he wonders aloud. “You and I.”

“Leia said you shut yourself off from the Force.” The words spill out of her, and he can see that despite her fear, despite her misgivings, she desperately wants answers from him.

“No one can ever truly shut themselves off from the Force. You can only diminish its influence.”

She wants to ask him something else; he waits patiently.

“Why did you,” she begins, swallowing, “why did you join the dark side? What was the real reason?”

The question takes him aback. No one’s ever asked that before. They’d always assumed--and if they’d wondered, they’d been too afraid to ask. “I spent my whole life trying to avoid the dark,” he says slowly. “It was always about finding the light, staying in the light, avoiding the dark, this is a path to the dark side, this is how you stay to the light. Luke was obsessed with it, and my mother always supported him. I sometimes suspected that Luke saw a darkness in me and that was why he pushed me so hard to the light...and I didn’t understand why until I found out about my grandfather.” He swallows. “I tried to stay in the light. I did everything Luke had ever taught me. But when I woke up that night and he was standing over me with his lightsaber, I realized then that it didn’t matter how good I was or how hard I tried to stay in the light. I would always be a creature of the dark to him, and to everyone who knew the truth about my grandfather.” He straightens up. “So that’s what I became. A creature of the dark.”

She looks doubtful. “That’s it? Just...out of spite?”

He hates that a decision that rent his heart in two can be summed up so  _ reductively _ by this sandrat from a junkyard. “What were you hoping for? That I’d say I was born evil and wanted to be evil my whole life?”

“No.” She drops her gaze to her feet. “I just...wondered.”

He lowers his head, trying to look into her eyes. When she feels his gaze, she looks up, and he sees now the real reason for her fear.

“You felt it,” he realizes. “The call to the dark.”

She swallows again. “Leia said...the dark side exploits your weaknesses.”

“She would say that. What weaknesses did the dark  _ exploit _ in you?”

Her face clouds over. “I’m not telling you that.”

“Why not? I told you why I turned to the dark side.”

A troubled expression crosses her face; he laughs coldly.

“Don’t hurt yourself, scavenger; you don’t have to tell the big bad man your secrets.”

Now she’s glaring at him. “Surprised you haven’t invaded my mind trying to find them again.”

So she’s still upset about that. It’s baffling to him, really, but he was also raised in a Force sensitive environment and she wasn’t. She had also been strapped down to a chair when he’d done it, and maybe it’s the lack of agency she resents more than the act itself. “You seem awfully hung up on that for someone who did the same thing to me.”

“Because  _ you _ did it first!”

“I had to.”

“You  _ had _ to?”

He feels his mood darken. “Have you been paying attention at all? Snoke was my  _ master _ ; everything I did was in his service. Do you think I kidnapped you and read your thoughts for  _ fun? _ You’d seen the map and you were right in front of me, whereas the droid was not. Snoke would have been furious if I’d let you go.”

She looks shocked, and, he’s pleased to note, a little abashed. 

“You’re just like Luke,” he can’t help continuing. “You can only see the dark in me, no matter what I do. If that’s the only way you can see me, then so be it. I’ll be a creature of the dark for you.”

A whip of rain hits him in the face; he raises his hand in surprise, wiping the water from his chin. When he looks up, Rey is gone. All that remains is the rain on his glove.

.

Lando lends him a datapad with access to the New Republic’s archives--or what will soon be the First Order’s archives, which were co-opted from the Empire’s archives, which were taken from the Old Republic’s archives.

He doesn’t have high hopes of finding what he’s looking for.

He spends all afternoon skimming the archives, furrowing his brow as he tries to find something,  _ anything, _ about the connection he and Rey share. 

Predictably, he finds nothing, and he imagines that even without all the changes in authority over the last few decades, there would be nothing for him to research. There are no mentions anywhere of two Force sensitive people being bonded by the Force to the point of being able to see each other and sense each other’s surroundings as he had with the rain. The closest he ever comes is to being able to sense another person in the Force, but everyone knows that. 

Bitterly, he thinks,  _ Snoke would probably know. _ The old man’s knowledge of the Force is vast, even more so than Luke’s. But then, Snoke is much older than Luke, and he had learned from a master in a way Luke never had. Luke had had Yoda and the ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi, but even he will admit that their guidance was just that: guidance, not knowledge. 

Maybe Luke would know. But that would mean comming his mother, which would mean her asking Luke, and he doesn’t want to deal with that. They’ll panic if he tells them he’s experiencing it, even if he doesn’t mention Rey. They’ll think something’s wrong.

Maybe something  _ is _ wrong, although he doesn’t know why it would be. He doesn’t know why it would be right, either. He doesn’t know anything, and that’s the frustrating part. He’s so used to being a student, to following Luke or Snoke, that he has no idea how to be his own person.

_ I spent a lifetime as a pupil, but will I ever become a master? _

Han finds him in the lounge during golden hour, concern etched on his face. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. I think so.” Ben tosses the datapad onto one of the couches. “Just...trying to figure something out.”

Han sits beside him with an attentive look on his face. “That so?”

“Yeah.” He doesn’t say anything, but he can tell that the lack of explanation is killing his father. “It’s not a big deal. Just a...Force thing.”

“A Force thing,” Han says wisely, as if he knows anything about the Force. “I see.”

Ben resists the urge to smile. “You’re not gonna let this drop, are you?”

“I just...want to be there for you,” Han says lamely. “You can tell me anything, you know that, don’t you? It won’t be like it was before.”

What’s the hurt, really? Han isn’t Force sensitive, he knows nothing about the Force, and it’s not as if  _ Snoke _ is appearing to him. He knows Rey. He likes her, from what Ben can tell. “Okay...just...don’t tell anyone.”

“Of course not,” Han says seriously, but Ben can see how eager he is to be privy to the secret.

Ben takes a deep breath. “A couple times today, I’ve...I’ve seen Rey.”

Han blinks. “You’ve seen her?”

“It’s like the Force is connecting us. No, it’s not like it, I  _ know _ that’s what it is,” he corrects himself. “It looks like she’s in the room with me, and to her, it looks like I’m in the room with her. It was raining where she was the last time it happened, and I got rain on me. I’ve never heard of anything like this happening before, and I can’t find anything in the archives about it.”

Han rubs his jaw. “...huh.”

“Dad,” Ben says warningly.

“I’m not gonna tell anyone, I just...that’s strange. I don’t really know what to tell you, kid.”

“That makes two of us.”

They watch the clouds change color outside. 

“Why the two of you?” Han muses. 

“I don’t know. That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out. We’ve read each other’s thoughts before, but plenty of Force sensitives have done that and not been connected.”

“Well...maybe it’s not such a bad thing.”

Ben glances at his father.

Han shrugs. “Not saying it’s a  _ great _ thing, but maybe the Force is, I don’t know, trying to tell you something?”

“I get that feeling too,” Ben admits. “I just wish I knew  _ what _ .”

“Well it’s only been a day. Maybe it takes time.”

He’s probably right--it doesn’t make it any less frustrating for Ben, who has no idea how long it will take or when their next connection will be.

Han surprises Ben by asking tentatively, “Can I tell you something? Something about...when you were Kylo Ren?”

_ When I was Kylo Ren. _ “Sure.”

Han clears his throat. “When Finn said he saw you taking Rey...I don’t know...I wasn’t worried. I  _ know, _ it sounds bad like that,” he amends quickly. “But somehow I just...I don’t know. I knew you wouldn’t hurt her. It’s like...once I got to know her, I kept thinking,  _ Ben would like her. _ ”

“ _ Like _ is a strong word for it,” Ben huffs, but he can’t deny a certain level of enthrallment with her. 

“Well, you didn’t hurt her, did you?”

The smile falls from his lips. “She thinks I did. When I read her thoughts.”

Han goes quiet.

“I don’t want the Force to connect us anymore,” Ben says suddenly. “Not if she sees me as a monster.”

“I’m sure she doesn’t.”

“No? Try asking her.”

“Maybe she just needs time.”

Ben sighs. “Yeah. Time.”

The door hisses open, revealing Jannah in what has to be her third outfit of the day--a trait she inherited from her father, no doubt. “Oi, Solos, dinner’s almost ready--you coming?”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re coming,” Han says, getting to his feet and clapping Ben on the shoulder. “Just having a little father-son talk.”

“Is that like a father-daughter talk?”

“I don’t know, what’s a father-daughter talk entail?” Han asks gamely.

“Advice on being a giving lover.”

“Ah, I’ve tried, but Ben doesn’t like those talks.”

“ _ Dad. _ ”

“See?”


	8. Chapter 8

By the time Rey makes it up the stairs, the rain has cleared and the sun is shining again. She goes in search of Leia, wondering if the other woman is ready to leave. 

But Leia is nowhere to be found, and neither is Luke. The only people Rey can find are the caretakers, short green people who maintain the upkeep of the island. They don’t seem to speak Basic, and they  _ definitely _ don’t seem to like Rey, for reasons that are beyond her.

Figuring Leia’s around somewhere, Rey goes to a flat, open space (no easy thing to find on this mountainous isle) and drills with her staff. She doesn’t  _ need _ to, really, as good as she is with it, but it gives her something to do. The movements are steady and familiar, and they take her mind off of…

Well.

Everything.

The encounter with Solo had left her shaken. It was bad enough seeing him first thing in the morning, but to see him again, to realize that this is something that might keep happening…

She loses herself in the swing of her staff, imagining the huge rock in front of her is Unkar Plutt. That’s what she used to do when she was younger; stream all of her anger and fear and hatred into her staff. Someday, she used to vow, she’d use it on Unkar.

_ And I never did, _ she thinks bitterly. It’s probably for the best; she doesn’t imagine that hitting your former guardian with a staff is something the Jedi would encourage. 

Does she even want to be a Jedi, though? It doesn’t seem to have worked out very well for any of the Jedi she’s heard of. They’re all dead, all but Luke, who no longer uses the Force, and Solo, who turned to the dark side. 

_ You can only see the dark in me, no matter what I do, _ he’d sneered.  _ If that’s the only way you can see me, then so be it. I’ll be a creature of the dark for you. _

Even now, the words make her shiver. It isn’t that she’s  _ afraid  _ of him, exactly, more that she’s afraid of  _ becoming _ him. Her first attempt at using the Force had nearly taken her to the dark side; if it was that easy for her, why shouldn’t she turn? Why shouldn’t she also become a creature of the dark? 

She’s so intent on her staff that it takes her a long moment to register Leia’s presence behind her. She stops, breathing hard as she leans against her staff.

“You’re good with that,” Leia commends. “Perhaps your lightsaber should be double-bladed.”

“Can you do that with a lightsaber?” Rey asks in interest.

“You can do just about anything with a lightsaber, or so I’m told.”

“How do you make one?”

“Ah, that, I’m less sure about. You need a kyber crystal, and there aren’t many places to find those anymore. Still, I’m sure we can figure something out.”

Rey wipes the sweat from her brow. “So, are we ready to head out?”

Leia nods. “I think so.”

Together, the two women descend the long steps. Rey can feel Luke watching them, but Leia never turns to acknowledge him; she must have already said her goodbyes.

Though Rey had just been at the ship and everything had seemed fine, Threepio comes down the ramp now waving his golden arms in the air.

“General!” he cries. “Artoo unblocked our communications, and Admiral Holdo has been trying to reach you!”

“Holdo?” Leia repeats, following him up into the ship.

“Play the message for General Organa, Artoo!”

The astromech beeps, projecting the holo display of a willowy woman in finer robes than Rey has ever seen in her life.

“Leia, we need you,” she pleads. “Most of our fleet was destroyed. The First Order has developed new technology that lets them track us through lightspeed. We’re running low on fuel; we have enough to make one more jump, and that’s it.” Her voice becomes strained. “This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Leia. You’re my only hope.”

The transmission fades out, and everyone turns expectantly to Leia.

“I’ve been gone for too long,” Leia murmurs, even though it’s only been about twenty four hours since they left the base. How quickly things can change. She takes off one of her two cloaked binary beacons, handing it to Artoo. “Can you get us to the fleet?”

Artoo beeps affirmatively, rolling off to plug himself in. Threepio follows, lamenting about their state of affairs. For a droid, he’s very dramatic. 

“What’s going to happen?” Rey asks. “With the fleet?”

“I don’t know,” Leia admits, starting up the engine. “One jump won’t do much if they can track us, so it has to count.” She shakes her head. “Tracking through lightspeed shouldn’t be possible, but I suppose...it’s an advanced active tracker.”

“Come again?”

Leia indicates the cloaked binary beacon on her wrist. “This beacon is effectively a tracker that lets me find the person wearing the other tracker, no matter where they are. It can do this because it has specific requirements it’s searching for. With two-way trackers like this, the requirements are a narrow field, and so specific that they can only find each other. The First Order’s tracking technology must allow them to use a similar search, where they can filter the requirements and lock onto a moving target.”

It makes sense in theory, and compared to their other technological advances, including the Starkiller base, it shouldn’t surprise Rey, but it does leave her with a sick feeling in her gut. If they’re capable of something this advanced, what else are they capable of?

The engine hums to life...or tries to. It whines in protest, and when Leia tries again, it makes the same sound, only higher pitched. 

“Something’s wrong,” Rey says unnecessarily, getting up.

Threepio bursts into the cockpit. “Artoo says there’s damage to the engine!”

“We noticed,” Leia says wryly, following Rey off the ship and towards its underbelly.

A cloud of smoke rises up when Rey unbolts the plate; when she waves it away, she can hear the distressed chirping of the birdlike creatures that inhabit the island. A handful of them hop out of the chaos of wires, which, Rey is distressed to see, have been chewed to pieces.

“They destroyed the engine,” she realizes, heart sinking. 

Leia peers inside also, her face looking just as crestfallen as Rey feels. “Kriff, we’ll never get off the island with this. I don’t even think it’s  _ salvageable. _ Threepio, can you see if Artoo can fix this?”

The golden droid runs as fast as his legs will carry him into the ship; he runs back moments later, fretful. “Artoo says he  _ might _ be able to repair the engine, but it would take time and resources we likely don’t have. He would need help.”

“I can help,” Rey volunteers. “I know my way around ship parts.”

“I’ll help too,” Leia says. “Maybe if enough of us work hard enough we can get this thing up and running before the day is over.”

Looking at the engine, Rey thinks the general might be a little optimistic...but when did optimism ever hurt?

.

They spend the rest of the day working on the engine. Luke even comes down to help once he realizes they haven’t left the island yet. 

It isn’t looking very good; the porgs have truly shredded the cords and tubing, and the engine is basically useless without them. Even Artoo, a trained astromech who has been repairing ships longer than Luke and Leia have been alive, can’t seem to repair the damage. 

It’s after dark when Artoo beeps dejectedly. 

“Artoo says...the engine is beyond repair,” Threepio reports in a careful tone. 

“Yeah, I think we figured that.” Luke wipes his forehead. “I’m sorry.”

Leia looks devastated. “The Resistance is crumbling; every passing minute brings them closer to falling to the First Order.” She frowns. “How did you get here, anyway?”

“My X-Wing,” Luke says wryly. “I sank it to avoid temptation. It’s probably in worse condition than this thing.”

“What are we going to do?”

“Isn’t there someone you could contact?” Rey asks. “Someone who isn’t with the fleet who could rescue us?”

Leia glances at Luke. “Well, that’s the thing...anyone who’d come here to get us would have to know about Luke. The whole Resistance knows I left to find him, and even if I miraculously found someone who didn’t know, it’s not hard to connect the dots.”

Rey feels a flash of irritation. The Resistance needs Leia, but it’s almost as if she cares about Luke more. Luke, who tried to kill her only son. Why should the Resistance have to suffer for this man’s secret?

“You should get some rest,” Luke offers. “Both of you. You’ll have clearer heads in the morning.”

“ _ We’ll _ have clearer heads in the morning?” she explodes. “You’re really willing to let the entire Resistance die so no one finds out the location of your hideaway?”

“Rey,” Leia says in surprise, but Rey shakes her head. 

“I can’t just sit here on this miserable island waiting for one of you to make the right choice.” She storms off into the dark, angry and afraid. 

She’s been walking for a few minutes, now out of sight of the Skywalkers, when the crash of waves on rock dims and she can feel that vacuum again. For the third time today, she can feel the Force connecting her to Solo.

“I’d rather not do this now,” she says without even looking up.

“Yeah, me too.”

She figures now is as good a time as any to ask him the question that’s been burning at her lips since their last connection. “Why didn’t you go to your parents--” She looks up and immediately wishes she hadn’t, for Ben is naked from the waist up and glistening. She’d used communal showers on Jakku, and while nudity had never bothered her, there had only been a few other humans, and they were all old and weathered. None of them were like Ben Solo, all pale, smooth skin and muscles. She fixes her gaze slightly to the side, keeping him in her periphery but not fully looking at him. “Do you have something, a cowl or something you can put on?” 

He only stares back at her. 

She huffs, shaking her head. “Why didn’t you go to your parents after you left the temple? You have parents who love you, they give a damn about you.”

“They didn’t give a damn about me.”

“They do,” she insists.

“They do now,” he agrees. “But they didn’t then.”

She furrows her brow. “I don’t understand.”

“No,” he muses. “Your parents threw you away like garbage.”

Her hackles rise. What had he seen in her mind? “They didn’t.”

“They did. But you can’t stop needing them. It’s your greatest weakness. Looking for them everywhere, in my father, and now my mother.” His eye twitches. “Did Luke ever tell her the truth?”

“Yes.”

He peers at her, then shakes his head. “No. He  _ admitted _ when she confronted him, isn’t that right?”

Rey doesn’t answer, full of a hot shame she can’t quite understand. 

“And my mother, she took his side again, didn’t she?”

“No,” Rey says truthfully...and then hesitates, because isn’t Leia taking Luke’s side now? “She...stabbed him.”

That surprises him. “She  _ stabbed _ him?”

“With her lightsaber,” Rey confirms. “But then she healed him again, and…” She swallows. “We’re stranded here. The...local animals got into the engine, and it’s beyond repair. The Resistance is surrounded by the First Order; they lost most of their fleet and they’re dangerously low on fuel, and now the First Order can track them through lightspeed. But Leia won’t call anyone to rescue us because she doesn’t want to compromise Luke’s safety.” 

His lip curls. “That’s my mother for you.”

“She loves you.”

“Perhaps. But she will always love Luke more. That’s  _ her _ weakness.”

Rey considers him. “And that’s why you didn’t try to find her after the temple was destroyed?”

He nods.

She feels suddenly, deeply sad.  _ He was all alone, _ she realizes. She hadn’t understood how someone with parents who clearly love him could feel that the dark side was his only path, but now she begins to understand. He hadn’t expected Han to reach out to him that day, he had expected both of his parents to want him dead. Was it really this easy to make him turn from the dark side all this time? Would he have turned years ago if he’d known he could come home?

“I’m almost starting to feel sorry for you,” she says hollowly.

His chuckle lacks mirth. “You’re still determined to hate me for something I did when I was another person.” He steps closer, making it impossible for her to look away. “Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It’s the only way to become what you were meant to be.”

She sucks in a breath, and just like that, the bond severs, and Ben Solo is gone.

_ Become what you were meant to be. _

Hands clenched into fists, she walks towards a place she has only seen in her mind.

.

The cave looks exactly as it had in her mind’s eye: a smooth, wet rock, and a short drop below it, a dark hole oozing with slick black vines. Rey hops down to the cave, kneeling down to look inside. The moonlight is bright enough that when she leans down to look in the hole, she can see the ocean beneath her, lapping against rock. Is this all--?

Before she can finish that thought, some invisible force pulls her through the hole. She cries out as she plummets straight for the water below, sinking through the surface.

She’s never been in so much water before; the showers on Jakku and the one she’d had on the Resistance base had been so different from this deluge. It overwhelms her, and it takes all of her energy not to panic and to propel herself for the surface. She moves gracelessly, pushing her body up, up, up, until she breaks the surface and draws a deep breath of air. Thankfully, the rock is close, and she only has to splash awkwardly a few feet to reach it. 

She climbs up, grateful that her sodden clothing is too light to weigh her down too much--and immediately stops short, because staring back at her is a mirror. Or something like a mirror; it’s part of the rock, and too rough to be manmade, but she can see herself in it. As she gets closer, she sees more reflections of herself, until it looks like there is a room full of Reys. The closer she gets to the mirror, the closer her reflections seem to get, until it looks like they’re standing in a long line behind her. 

Rey lifts a hand to the mirror; behind her, the other Reys reach out, until it looks like they’re touching the shoulders of the Reys in front of them. 

_ “Rey?” _

The woman’s voice is faint and faraway, and when Rey turns to look for it, the mirror Reys are there in front of her, looking forward just as she is. Curious, she lifts her hand, and so do all the other Reys. It’s like everything they do is only a beat behind the other, and when she snaps her fingers, the cave echoes with the sounds of their snapping. 

The room shifts, though she doesn’t know how, and she finds herself in front of the mirror again. 

_ “Rey,” _ comes the woman’s voice again. Her mother? Her parents? Those shadowy figures in the back of her mind she can never quite recall?

She raises her hand to the mirror. “Let me see them,” she whispers, and the Reys behind her echo the plea. “My parents. Please.”

A dark figure on the other side of the mirror comes closer. It’s familiar, she  _ knows _ that figure...but when they raise their hand to the mirror, the surface clears, and she can only see herself reflected back at her.

The other Reys fade away, and she is suddenly alone.

She sinks to her knees, staring at the empty mirror. Leia had told her that the dark side would exploit her weaknesses, and that was the chance she’d taken coming here...but she’d expected to  _ get _ something out of this. She’d expected the dark side to  _ give _ her what she wanted, not hold it in front of her face and snatch it back, laughing.

_ Is that what happened to Ben? _ she wonders. He’d joined the dark side in spite, he’d joined it because everyone only ever saw the dark in him, but he never fully made the transition to dark. He was always a creature of light.

_ We have both been failed, _ she realizes, and everything about him makes sense to her now. The missing piece, the mumbled word of a sentence. It all fits together now.

Horrified, cold, and alone, she finds her way back up the island and to her hut. 

There’s already a fire burning--courtesy of Luke and Leia, she supposes. There’s a blanket on her cot, too, and her things against the wall. She sheds her wet vest and wraps the blanket around her shoulders, sitting before the fire. It’s nice and warm, and burns away the cold dampness of the cave. 

When she’s ready, she holds her breath and opens up the bond.

He almost looks annoyed when he first sees her, clearly dressed for bed...but when he takes a longer look, the irritation falls from his face and he sits on the other side of the fire with wide eyes. 

“What happened?” he asks softly.

She takes a deep, shuddering breath. “I tried it. Opening myself to the dark side.”

She can’t read his emotions, something she’s only now realizing she’s been able to do in the past. “And?”

She shakes her head.

He shifts closer. “What happened? Tell me.”

“I want to, but I...I don’t know if I can explain it.”

“Show me,” he urges.

“How?”

“You’ll have to open your mind to me. Like this.” She feels the invitation into his mind; slowly, she accepts it, almost like letting him pull her up a slope. She can see his mind, images and memories. There are some things that a dark cloud covers, and others that shimmer with invitation. She figures it out quickly, and then draws him into her own mind, pushing forward her memory of the cave. His presence in her mind doesn’t frighten her; rather, it’s reassuring to have him there, watching so that she doesn’t have to explain it. 

When he’s finished, she can feel him politely draw back, avoiding her other thoughts. She appreciates that, and it gives her the courage to speak.

“I thought I’d find answers here.” She shakes her head. “I was wrong. I’d never felt so alone.”

“You’re not alone,” he whispers.

She looks up, and to her surprise, his eyes are shining with unshed tears. This cold, emotionless person she’d always seen in front of her had been just as scared and alone as her this whole time. 

“Neither are you,” she says softly.

He looks surprised. Encouraged, she continues, “You aren’t a creature of the dark. I see that now.” Tentatively, she unfolds her hand from the blanket, reaching out.

He looks down at her hand...and slowly reaches out his own. She doesn’t know if it will be possible, but she watches his hand reach for hers...and then, their hands lined up, he presses his fingers to hers.

It hits them like a jolt of electricity. In Ben’s dark, shining eyes, she can see past, present, and future. She sees a child who smiled in the sun and cried in the night. She sees the destruction of the temple, feels his fear and anguish. She sees Snoke, and Han, and Leia, and herself reflected back at her, with tears streaming down her face. She sees twin blades of yellow, and limbs twined in pleasure, and three children running through a meadow while their laughter fills the air.

_ “Rey?” _ she hears, a distant but familiar voice; and then again, closer and more urgent,  _ “Rey!” _

She shakes herself from her reverie, looking at where Leia stands in the entrance to her hut. When she turns back, Ben is gone. 

“Is everything okay?” Leia asks uncertainly. 

Rey lets her hand drop back into her lap. “Fine,” she croaks. “Everything’s fine.”

“I know you’re angry with me.” Leia moves into the hut, easing herself onto the stone bed. “And I don’t blame you. You were right; it’s selfish, to put Luke over the entire Resistance.” She takes a deep breath. “I have lost...many people in my life. And I never allowed myself to grieve openly for them. I did grieve, of course, but there was always work to be done. I don’t think I cried for days after Alderaan was destroyed; I couldn’t let myself. I threw myself into the Rebellion, to make sure that their lives were not ended in vain.” Her voice becomes tight. “People accused me of being an ice queen. Not to my face, of course, but they said I cared more about the cause than my own family. And when Ben came back...I started to think maybe people had been right all along. That I put political ideals above my own family. I think I overcompensated.” She swallows. “I commed Han while you were gone. He and Ben and Chewie are going to come here and bring us to the Resistance.”

Rey’s eyes widen. “Han... _ and _ Ben?”

“I know; Ben knowing where Luke lives...isn’t ideal,” Leia admits. “But maybe it’s time I stop protecting my brother, especially where Ben is involved. You were right, Rey, I can’t let the Resistance die because I’m trying to protect a man who came here  _ to _ die. The three of them are on their way now.”

_ But Ben was just here, _ Rey wants to say. No, he was only with her through the Force; he will really and truly be here in, what, minutes? Hours? The thought excites and threatens to overwhelm her. Ben will be here soon, and neither of them will ever be alone again. Not if she can help it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL...I hope you guys are ready for this chapter to earn that rating

They find their way to Leia using the cloaked binary beacon, a gift Ben had not expected to ever really use. As they make the jump to hyperspace, Ben finds his hands shaking, unable to believe how close he is to seeing Rey. It hasn’t even been three days since he last saw her in person and it’s been less than an hour since he saw her through their bond, but already he is eager to see her. He had seen so much when they touched hands, and he’s eager to talk to her about it.

He’d known she was lonely when he looked into her mind, but he hadn’t realized the depths of that loneliness until they’d touched hands. He’d seen the truth in her past, the knowledge she keeps buried so deep within her that even she doesn’t remember it. He’ll tell her when he sees her. It will break her heart, but she’s stronger now than she was as a child. Her heart will mend, and he’ll make sure she’s never alone again. 

Han keeps glancing at him, the bright blue blaze of hyperspace illuminating his face. “You okay, kid?”

Ben nods. “Yeah. I’m good. I’m...really good.”

Han considers him. “You see Rey again?”

Another nod. “Yeah.”

“And it was...good?”

He releases a breath. “It was wonderful.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Han smiling to himself. 

.

The beacon takes them to Ahch-To.

_ Of course, _ Ben thinks; he should have suspected. It’s one of a handful of places thought to be the origin of the Jedi Order.

Maybe a part of him had always suspected and been afraid to acknowledge that suspicion. As angry as he’d been at Luke, as much as he’d wanted him dead and had known Snoke shared that wish, the idea of facing Luke again had always upset him. What if he faltered? What if he couldn’t kill him? And even more terrifying--what if he  _ did _ kill him?

He has that fear now, too. He is eager to see Rey again, but if he sees Luke, will he be able to control himself? Will he kill his own uncle after six years of pain and anger and fear?

Yet as the  _ Falcon _ touches down on the island, he can see Rey through the viewport waiting and watching. He can feel her Force signature pulse, reaching out for his.

_ I’m here, _ he tells her, vibrating with excited energy. 

They land on an even surface, but they won’t be there long enough for it to make much of a difference. Ben has to force himself not to run down the ramp, choosing instead to walk behind Han and Chewie as they descend. 

Thankfully, Luke is not there; in fact, Ben cannot even sense him. His mother had told Rey that Luke had closed himself off from the Force, and he must be succeeding if Ben cannot even sense him. 

Not that it matters; as soon as he sees Rey, his heart stops. She looks just as she had in the hut, the blanket wrapped around her shoulders and her hair down. Her eyes are on him, and she tears them away only to smile up at Chewie when he reaches down to hug her. Though they never directly speak to each other, he stands beside her and brushes his fingers against hers while Han carefully asks where Luke is.

“He’s not coming down,” Leia says firmly. 

Ben doesn’t care. Rey is here, beside him, her fingers as warm and electric as they’d been before.

.

It only takes a few minutes for them to load everything from Leia’s ship onto the  _ Falcon _ . As soon as they’re loaded, Han and Chewie take to the cockpit with Leia in tow, using her other beacon to guide them to the Resistance fleet.

Ben makes sure Rey is watching as he slips to the opposite end of the ship, into the captain’s cabin. He wants them to talk without fear of interruption, and he knows that between his parents, Chewie, Threepio, and Artoo, it’s unlikely he and Rey would be able to have a complete conversation in the common area.

She follows him to the back, her eyes wide; he palms open the door and pulls her inside before palming it shut again. Not letting go of her hand, he looks down at her, suddenly bashful. “Hi.”

“Hi.” She smiles shyly. “You’re here.”

“ _ You’re _ here.”

She bites her lip. “Leia came in right when the bond cut out, or, I think she was the one to make it cut out? And she told me you and Han and Chewie were coming to get us.” She takes a deep breath. “Ben, when we touched hands, I saw your future. I saw  _ our _ future.”

“I saw it too,” he murmurs, reaching up to cup her cheek. He can feel her pleasure at the touch, and it emboldens him to say, “But more importantly, I saw your past.”

“ _ My _ past?” she asks in surprise. 

He takes a deep breath, keeping his hand on her cheek to soften the blow of what he’s about to tell her. “Rey...I saw what happened to your parents.”

Her face falls. “You saw…?”

“I saw it,” he murmurs. “I know the truth. And so do you.”

He can see her swallow, tears forming in her eyes. “No.”

“They were filthy junk traders who sold you off for drinking money.”

“No.” The tears spill down her cheeks; he uses his thumb to brush them away. 

“Remember, Rey.”

He watches as she pulls memories from a long-dormant place, pulling them out by the roots and letting the pain wash over her anew. 

“They left me,” she whispers. 

He raises his other hand to her cheek, cradling her head in his hands. “I will never leave you,” he promises. “I meant what I said before. You’re not alone. Not anymore.”

She’s still crying; without thinking, he swoops down to kiss her forehead, and then he kisses the tears from her cheeks. 

“Ben,” she whispers, and shifts her head ever so slightly, and then her lips are on his.

At first he thinks it’s an accident; he tries to pull away, to spare her the indignity of an accidental kiss, but her lips follow and her fingers tangle in his hair to anchor herself. 

He’s only kissed one other person in his life, and that had been a sloppy game of spin-the-bottle a lifetime ago. But with Rey, it’s instinctual, this need to slant his mouth against hers. Her pleasure pulses through their shared energy, and when his hands drift down to hold her waist, he can feel her Force signature practically singing at the contact. 

It’s good, but his neck stiffens from craning down to kiss her. Slowly, he backs her against the wall, and then he bends down with his hands under her thighs, lifting her up. She squeaks in surprise, but as he wraps her legs around his waist and keeps her pinned to the wall with his hips against hers, she relaxes into the new position.

_ You’re short, _ he sends across the bond, and he can feel her smile against his lips. The hands in his hair are driving him wild, scratching and tugging and caressing in a way he never knew he needed. He can feel his cock stiffening and tries to shift away from Rey, but her hips follow, grinding her center against his. She audibly gasps, fingers tugging at his hair in desperation. 

_ Is this okay? _

“Uh-huh,” she says breathlessly, nodding her head. 

He wants to devour her whole, this beautiful, fierce little thing. He’s wanted it since he first saw her on Takodana, a nobody from nowhere shooting blindly at him. He’d wanted to press his lips to her skin when she’d been in the interrogation room, sweaty and grimy as it had been. He does press his lips to her skin now, kissing and sucking and biting and licking the soft flesh of her neck. He can feel her pulse beneath his mouth, her heart hammering as he scrapes his teeth against her neck and grinds his cock against her soft, warm center. 

An image, one that could be hers or his, flits across his mind; the vision he’d had earlier of their future, one that involved their bodies tangled in passion. Is that supposed to be now? Or later?

She moans, a sound that is simultaneously low and high, begging and commanding. 

“Rey,” he groans, and tries to show her his question rather than ask it. He shows her a vision of her lying on the captain’s bed with him hovering over her, kissing every inch of her as he moves inside her. 

_ Yes, _ she sends back at once, nodding frantically.  _ Yes, yes, I want that, please. _

It’s the  _ please _ that threatens to undo him. Growling slightly, he turns and carries her to the bed, depositing her gently before kneeling down to help her out of her boots and pants.

He senses her trepidation, her worry that she’s too dirty or hairy or horribly disfigured down there and she doesn’t know it. He shows her instead how beautiful he finds her as he unveils her--miles and miles of toned legs, thick black curls between those legs, and beneath them, soft, pink flesh just begging for his attention. He looks up at her as he licks her lightly; her eyes grow dark with desire before they roll back in her head, her breath coming hard. 

He has no idea what he’s doing, but Rey seems to like all of it, from the gentle flick of his tongue to the way he sucks at her clit. She grows so wet it’s all he can do to drink her up, and the sound she makes when he slips a finger inside her is bliss in the purest form. 

“You’re perfect,” he murmurs, kissing the soft flesh of her thigh. When he adds a second finger, she shudders, both of her hands gripping the one he rests on her stomach. 

By the time he pushes a third finger inside her, she’s trembling and desperate for release. He licks her clit, curling his fingers inside her. She’s on the very brink when he withdraws, and her dismay is quelled only when he stands up to pull off his clothes. 

She sits up on her elbows, making no attempt to hide her desire for him. He can’t help but feel proud; he knows he has muscles from years of training, and he knows he’s generally well-endowed, but he’s rarely displayed his body for anyone, and certainly not to this extent nor for this purpose. Rey’s gaze is hungry, and he can’t help but feel a little cocky about it.

When he’s bared, he reaches down to help her out of her shirt and the chest wraps beneath, revealing pale skin and pert, pink nipples. 

_ They’re small, _ she thinks, embarrassed, and he doesn’t know if she means for him to hear that or not, so out loud, he says again, “You’re perfect.” He starts to undo her arm wraps, but she tugs him onto the bed.

“I can’t wait anymore,” she insists. “Just...just get inside me, Ben. Please.”

He’s painfully erect as it is, but hearing that from her makes him close to losing control. He rests his weight on one arm, reaching down to guide himself towards her.

Her center is slick, but they’re both new at this, and she has to reach down to open herself with two fingers before he can enter her.

When he does, he nearly comes then and there.

Nothing is as exquisite as being inside Rey. She’s hot and wet and tight, and his cock twitches threateningly as he slides inside of her. It doesn’t help that she’s making the most delicious little noises, gasping and moaning as he fills her. Once fully seated, he has to close his eyes and remember all of his lightsaber forms, trying not to come prematurely. He wants her to come at least once, and he wants to last a respectable amount of time.

“Ben,” she whispers, trembling.

He rests his weight on both arms, drawing slowly out of her and pushing back in. They groan in tandem, gazing into each other’s eyes as he slowly builds a rhythm. 

Rey wraps her legs around his waist after a moment, keeping him close. He bends down to take her nipples in his mouth, focusing on them so that he doesn’t come too soon. 

Her hands are everywhere; in his hair, on his back, trying to hold onto something on the bed. He can feel her desperation, her need for a solid anchor; impulsively, he reaches up to pin her wrists beside her head.

Her pupils contract so much that her eyes look almost all black, her lips parted in blissful wonderment. He doesn’t mean to, but it turns him on so much that he begins to thrust harder and faster, seeking his release; and in so doing, he brings Rey closer to hers. He can feel the pressure mounting in her belly, can feel her confusion at this new sensation inside her.

“What’s...I’m…”

“It’s okay,” he reassures her, kissing her temple. “It’s supposed to happen. Just let go. Let go for me, Rey.”

Whether or not she means to, she draws him into her mind, letting him feel her pleasure crescendo until it’s all she knows. Dimly, he’s aware of her crying out; vividly, he becomes aware of her cunt tightening around his cock. His hips jerk of their own accord, slamming hers into the bed as he spills inside her. 

“Ben,” she’s murmuring. “Ben…”

“I’m here.” He kisses her, drunk off the taste of her. “I’m here, sweetheart.”

He can feel her thrilling at the endearment. When was the last time anyone called her sweetheart? Had anyone ever?

He’s going to call her ‘sweetheart’ all the time. He’s going to make sure she never feels alone again. He’s going to give her all the love she never got. 

_ Love. _

Is it possible to love someone so soon after meeting them? Is what he feels for her truly love? But it has to be. This thing between them, this connection...this isn’t normal. He saw parts of her past even she couldn’t see, and they’d both seen their future together. Maybe it’s more than love, an attachment that transcends the word...but isn’t love itself transcendent? 

He’s torn from his reverie when Rey giggles, a sound he feels more than hears.

“What?”

She shakes her head, toying with the hair at the nape of his neck. “It’s just...do you remember what I said when you were interrogating me? I said I wasn’t giving you anything. And you just said, ‘we’ll see.’”

“I hadn’t quite pictured it like this,” he admits.

“Me either.” She reaches up to kiss him again; dimly, he’s aware of the ship shuddering.

“What was that?”

“We must be out of hyperspace.”

Sure enough, Han’s voice comes over the intercom. “Ben, get up here!”

Of course; getting out of hyperspace means that they’d be at the fleet, which is under attack from the First Order. He disengages himself from Rey gently but quickly, scrambling for his clothes even as she scrambles for hers. He bolts for the cockpit as soon as he’s dressed, Rey hot on his heels.

Through the viewport, he can see that the Resistance is indeed under attack, shields up as the First Order fleet sends out a lazy volley. He knows the game well; the First Order has unlimited resources, where the shields can only hold for so long, and can only defend the flagship. Any smaller vessel that tries to leave will be obliterated. 

Han is radioing the flagship  _ Raddus _ for clearance to land in the hangar. A crackly voice on the other end says, “Is that...the  _ Millennium Falcon _ ?”

“You bet your ass it is,” Han says, grinning. “You’re speaking to Han Solo, requesting permission to deliver General Organa to the fleet.”

“Permission granted!” the voice exclaims. “The hangar’s pretty busted, but we’ll make room.”

The hangar  _ is _ pretty busted; it’s a charred mess, with destroyed X-Wings pushed to the far sides. A swarm of people come out to greet the  _ Falcon _ , including a purple-haired, purple-robed woman Ben would know anywhere.

Leia is the first to descend the  _ Falcon _ ’s ramp, cheers and applause following her entrance. She embraces Amilyn tightly, the two women exchanging murmured words as Ben, Rey, Han, Chewie, and the droids descend the ramp. Amilyn’s eyes catch on Ben a split second before they widen. She comes forward, reaching for his hands.

“ _ Ben _ ?”

“Hi, Aunt Amilyn,” he murmurs, embracing the other woman. 

“We all thought you were dead!”

“Not dead. Just...lost.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here with us,” she says sincerely, pulling back to smile at him. “And you too, Han.”

“Hey, Ami,” he says, hugging her. 

Her eyes scan the motley crew. “And Luke…?”

Leia’s face tightens. “He couldn’t make it. He has...other things going on.”

Amilyn purses her lips. It’s clear that she doesn’t think these other things are more important than the Resistance’s current predicament, but she tactfully says, “I’m sure the work he’s doing is just as important as the work we are also doing. Let’s talk more at the bridge.”

The crowd moves inside. Out of the corner of his eye, Ben sees Rey looking around, her face scrunched in concern.

“What is it?” he asks her, his fingers brushing hers as they follow the others.

“I don’t see Finn anywhere.”

He tries to quell the wave of jealousy that rises in him, but she must feel it, because she looks up at him with an exasperated sort of smile. “He’s just a friend, you know.”

“I know.” And he does, but what he’d done with Rey just now, what they share between them, is unlike anything he’s ever experienced before, and her thinking about another person wounds him more than he’d like to admit. 

_ Finn was her first real friend, _ he tries to remind himself.  _ And just that: a friend. You are her lover.  _

She takes his hand, twining their fingers together as they follow the crowd to the bridge. Most of them disperse to their assigned station, but the highest ranking officers gather around the main panel while Amilyn lays out the situation.

“Essentially, we’ve discovered that the First Order can track us through lightspeed, so it doesn’t matter where we jump to unless it’s heavily reinforced--and that’s unlikely. Most of our fleet was destroyed.” She takes a deep breath. “Two of our...recruits...took it upon themselves to hire a code splicer to get them onto the  _ Supremacy _ and disable the tracker. They did this with a conspirator but said nothing of the plan to me. We have no idea where they are or if they’ve made any progress, and unfortunately, because the techs would be alerted after one failed system cycle--only about six minutes--that doesn’t give us a big window of time to make the jump.”

“I see,” Leia says, looking out the viewport. “Do you have any alternatives?”

“I considered fueling the transports and abandoning the  _ Raddus, _ ” Amilyn admits. “Crait is close by.”

Leia looks at her sharply. “Crait?”

“Still outfitted from the Rebellion,” Amilyn says softly. “Not an ideal base of operations, but better than floating here like sitting croators.”

Leia considers this. “It would be better if we could disable the tracker,” she sighs. “But to do that, we’d need to get another person on the  _ Supremacy, _ and they’d have to know what they were doing. And of course, if these other two recruits have been caught, that just increases the risk for whoever we send, as the First Order will be even more wary than usual.”

It hits Ben that  _ he could do it. _ He knows the  _ Supremacy _ like the back of his hand; even now, he can see the chamber where the tracker is kept. He still has his robes on the  _ Falcon, _ too; he could finagle his way onto the ship, and then all he’d have to do is march towards the tracker and no one would stop him. If anything, they’d see Kylo Ren stomping and run the opposite direction. He knows perfectly well how feared and disliked he always was, and how no one would ever question it because he was Snoke’s apprentice. And as long as Snoke hasn’t said anything about him…

_ He hasn’t. You know he hasn’t. _

Snoke has been trying to reach him ever since he’d turned. He knows Ben is still alive, can feel his presence through the Force. He’s been calling to Ben, trying to encourage him to come back. He wouldn’t want the First Order to know that Kylo Ren had abandoned him, nor would he want to tell them that Kylo Ren was dead, because Kylo Ren was half the reason people feared Snoke; they knew that if they did not, he would send his creature after them.

It could work. It  _ will _ work. But to do so requires him stepping into the role of Kylo Ren again, a role he’d thought abandoned.

He doesn’t have to tell anyone he thought of this plan. He could just let the Resistance figure out another option.

...but if they follow Amilyn’s plan, the First Order, or at least part of it, will surely swoop down on Crait and destroy them. They would still die, and it would only be a matter of dying on solid ground rather than floating in space. 

He clears his throat. “General, I’d like to volunteer to infiltrate the  _ Supremacy. _ ”

Rey’s grip on his hand tightens.

Leia turns to him, her eyes widening. “Ben, no.”

“I know the ship better than anyone here,” he argues. “And no one would question my disguise.”

She considers him, lips pursed. He can see her mind ticking, taking in all the possibilities. He knows she’ll come to the same conclusion as him; it’s only a matter of her getting there on her own.

Finally, she says, “Well...if you’re sure.”

“I am.”

Leia nods, relenting at last. “Okay. What do you need?”

“Just the  _ Falcon _ . I’ll comm when the tracker has been disabled; I can take the  _ Falcon _ after and follow you.” 

Neither of his parents look particularly happy at the thought of letting their son back into First Order territory, but what other choice do they have? 

“Alright.” 

“Alright,” he echoes. “I’ll...see you.” He gently disengages his hand from Rey’s, heading for the hangar.

“Ben,” Leia calls after him, and when he turns, he sees that her eyes are shining. “May the Force be with you.”

He bows his head. “And with you.”

Maker knows they’ll need it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter, but I promise I'll update soon!

It takes Rey two seconds to ask herself what the kriff she’s doing before she tears after Ben, following him to the hangar.

“Ben!”

He turns to look at her, an unfathomably sad expression on his face. She comes to a halt in front of him. 

“I want to come with you.”

“Well, you’re not.”

She frowns. “You need help.”

“I don’t. If I come alone, no one’s going to ask any questions. If I bring someone else, I’ll have to not only explain who that person is, but justify why they’re coming to the  _ lightspeed tracker _ with me.”

He has a point, but… “I don’t want you to go alone. What if you need help?”

“I won’t.”

She almost stamps her foot. “What if you  _ do _ ? Snoke is on that ship.”

“All the more reason for you to stay here,” he says firmly. “Snoke will be relentless if he knows you’re on the ship.”

“Why?”

“Because he’ll know you’re important to me.” His voice softens as he cups her cheek. “Rey, I don’t want to risk you.”

She can feel tears in her eyes but she refuses to let them fall. “You promised you would never leave me.”

“I know.” She can see the pain on his face. “And I’m not, I just have to do this, and then I’ll come back to you.”

“But--”

“Rey.” He presses his forehead to hers. “Please just...trust me.”

“I do, but--”

He kisses her, silencing her protestations. When he pulls back, he murmurs, “I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise.” And with that, he lets go of her, walking up the ramp of the  _ Falcon. _

She doesn’t think she can bear to watch another person walk out of her life, so she turns to go back inside--

\--and sees Han and Chewie, both of them looking at her sympathetically. 

She wipes her eyes, embarrassed. “How much of that did you see?”

“Enough.” Han comes forward slowly. “How long…?”

She huffs out a laugh. “Very recently.”

“How recently?”

“Maybe an hour ago.”

Han nods. “Ben said you were...able to see each other.”

She’s a little surprised that Ben would have confided this to his father--but maybe she shouldn’t be. “Yes.”

Han nods as if he understands it, but she can tell he doesn’t. As if reading her thoughts, he says, “There’s...a lot I don’t understand about the Force. Or my son. But it seems to me that the Force has been trying real hard to throw the two of you in each other’s paths...and I can’t see it just not letting him come back.”

Oddly, that makes her feel better. He’s right, isn’t he? The Force wouldn’t foster a connection like theirs only to let him die, or fall to the dark side again. It will be alright. It has to be.

Rey stands with Han and Chewie and watches as Ben gets into the cockpit, now wearing the black robes of Kylo Ren that he’d left on the  _ Falcon _ . He waves at them, and they wave back, and then he’s maneuvering out of the hangar and towards the  _ Supremacy. _

“He’ll come back,” Han says reassuringly.

Rey desperately wants to believe him.


	11. Chapter 11

Gaining access to the  _ Supremacy _ is far, far easier than it ought to be.

All he has to do is rattle off his codes in his cold, impatient voice, explain with increasingly evident agitation that he had to  _ make do _ with the ships available after the  _ fucking Starkiller was destroyed, _ and they immediately let him through.

_ Idiots, _ he thinks contemptuously.

Stormtroopers and uniformed officers gather in the hangar to greet him. One of them, he notices, is General Pryde, a seasoned veteran who had once fought for the Empire.

“Lord Ren,” he greets, bowing his head. “The Supreme Leader has been expecting you.”

Ben misses his helmet in moments like these. Instead, he forms a mask of his own, hiding his true emotions. “I had business to attend to following the destruction of Starkiller base.”

Pryde’s gaze flickers to the  _ Falcon. _

“I see.”

“Contain that insolence, general. Bringing back a Rebellion antique like this one was no mean feat.”

Pryde bows his head again. “Of course, my lord.” He starts to walk with Ben, who holds out a hand, stopping him.

“Leave me.”

“As you wish, my lord.”

Ben strides from the hangar, resisting the urge to tell them not to search the  _ Falcon. _ There’s nothing incriminating on it, as far as he can remember, and if he does tell them not to search it, suspicions will be raised. He can only hope they are afraid of him enough to leave it alone.

He knows his way to the tracker and walks with purpose...but as he does, he becomes aware of a growing presence, one that has been at the back of his mind and is slowly spilling out into the rest of him.

_ Kylo, my dear boy... _

He throws up his walls, blocking out the honeyed venom...but he knows that will only last so long while they are on the same ship. How soon before Snoke sends men after him?

He’s almost at the corridor; he turns a corner--

\--and freezes when he sees Rey’s friend Finn.

He’s wearing an officer’s uniform, and he’s accompanied by two others, a man and a woman. The woman certainly cannot be an officer either, as her hair would never hold up under a uniform check, and Ben is doubtful the third person, who is hovering over the switchboard of the tracker chamber, is a First Order officer either. 

Ben and Finn stare at each other for a long moment; slowly, their eyes narrow in suspicion.

“What are you doing here?” Finn demands.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“ _ I’m _ trying to help the Resistance,” Finn snaps. 

“So am I.”

A black square at Finn’s feet, which Ben had not taken any notice of until now, beeps. He stares at it for a long moment before realizing that it’s a small droid, probably a BB unit, hidden underneath a waste basket. 

“Uh, guys?” the man Ben doesn’t recognize says. “What exactly is going on here?”

Ben puts it together. Finn and the woman are the two recruits who had tried to take matters into their own hands, and the man with them is the code splicer they’d found to get them onboard. Splicers like this, people with highly specialized skills that they sell for a profit, are usually without any real loyalty save money, and that’s a problem, because if he walks away knowing Kylo Ren and Ben Solo are one and the same, he’s likely going to sell that information.

Finn, thankfully, seems to realize this, because he hesitates. “He’s...an acquaintance, whose loyalties I’m not sure of anymore.”

“So that’s  _ not _ Kylo Ren?”

Ben reacts instinctively, flexing his fingers and lifting his hand until the other man is clutching at his throat, legs kicking at the air beneath his feet.

“Let him go!” Finn shouts, eyes wide.

Ben pushes into the code splicer’s mind. He finds almost exactly what he expected to find: a boy with a stutter who was always better with his hands than his words. A series of jobs that had him at equal turns living large and staying low. Profiting off of First Order and Resistance, anyone who would pay for his skills. And there, ticking in the back of his mind, planning how to sell out Finn and the woman named Rose, who he’d known all along couldn’t pay him, and what to do with the knowledge that Kylo Ren works for the Resistance. 

The door to the tracker chamber hisses open; Ben hurls the other man inside, where he lands sprawled at the feet of a stormtrooper.

“Lord Ren,” one of the stormtroopers says in surprise. 

Ben plays it off at once. “Must I do everything for you?” he snarls. “I’ve only been on the ship ten minutes and I caught a traitor in our midst.”

“Sir.” The modulated voice belongs to Phasma, who approaches from the other end of the chamber. “I apologize for the disturbance.”

“Apology accepted, so long as you see this rebel scum exterminated.”

The splicer’s eyes widen; he opens his mouth, but his throat is still too raw for any sound to come out.

_ Let’s hope it stays that way. _

Phasma peers over his shoulder. “The BB unit that alerted us to this traitor’s presence indicated that there were others…”

“Then what are you waiting for? Find them.” He turns to Rose, knowing better than to put any spotlight on Finn lest Phasma recognize him. “Thank you, Lieutenant; your efforts will not go unrewarded.”

He can tell that Phasma is suspicious, but more importantly, she knows better than to question Kylo Ren. She and her men leave, taking the traitor with them.

“They’re gonna kill him!” Finn hisses, coming out from his hiding place behind Ben.

“He was going to kill you,” he says bluntly. “Or at least, sell you to the First Order, who would have then killed you.”

Finn and Rose stare up at him.

“How do you know that?” Rose asks, clutching something in her hand. A pendant on rough string, it looks like.

“I read his mind. He knew the Resistance would never have been able to pay him as high a price as the First Order. You’d better hope his execution happens before he regains the ability to speak.” He jerks his head. “Come on, before anyone else comes sniffing around.”

He leads them across the narrow bridge to the tracker, its light bright. The tracker is truthfully not a project he has much experience with, but he understands the mechanics of it well enough. He fishes his commlink out of his pocket.

“Ben?” Leia’s voice comes quickly.

“I’m here. I’m about to disable the tracker.” 

He can hear her breathe a sigh of relief. “Okay.”

“Three...two...one.” He punches in his personal code, one that will override any system put in place by the First Order, and hears the hum of the tracker powering down. “It’s done.”

“Thank you, Ben. Be safe.”

“Go.”

The comm ends, and he knows she’s giving the order to punch it. Tucking the commlink away in his pocket, he turns to Finn and Rose...and their strange little droid. “It’s disabled. We have--”

“--about six minutes,” Rose finishes, eyes wide. 

He nods. “Yes. Let’s go.” He leads the way out of the tracker chamber, closing the door behind them. Finn, Rose, and the BB unit scurry after him, trying to keep up with him without looking like they’re trying.

They’re nearly at the hangar when he hears it.

_ Kylo. _

There’s less honey in the voice this time, and more of the rigid steel that Ben knows means he’s in trouble.

He keeps moving, or tries to, but there’s a black cloud settling over his vision. He staggers to the wall, his fingers digging into his temple.

“S-Sir?” Finn asks nervously.

“It’s nothing.”

Another voice, one that doesn’t belong to Finn or Rose, intervenes, “Are you feeling alright, Lord Ren?”

“Leave me alone,” he snaps, and from what little he can see, the corridor empties. Everyone knows better than to disturb an angry Kylo Ren. 

_ Kylo, my boy, you’re avoiding me.  _

_ Go away, _ he tries petulantly, but it doesn’t work.

_ I always knew you were weak. What is it you said to me before we parted? “By the grace of your training, I will not be seduced.”  _ He can hear Snoke’s rumble of cold laughter.  _ And yet the moment your father offered you a way out, you took it like the sniveling child you are. Do you truly think your parents or the scavenger girl will be able to protect you? Do you truly think they love you, and aren’t just using you for their own ends? _

A flash of fear erupts, but he tamps it down. No. No, his parents are trying, they are, and Rey...Rey loves him. 

_ You’re already here, my boy. All you have to do is take that lift up to the throne room and apologize. I am not an unforgiving master. I have always seen your potential. Prove it to me now. Prove to me you can be who you were born to be. _

It would be easy. So, so easy, to abandon Finn and Rose and go up to Snoke. He could prostrate himself and beg for forgiveness, and perhaps his punishment wouldn’t be too severe. Everything could go back to the way it was. No one would need to know. His parents would be disappointed, and Rey…

_ Rey. _

_ I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise. _

He growls, pushing Snoke from his head and keeping his walls high and firm. His vision clears and the pain in his head goes away. 

“Are you okay?” Finn asks urgently.

“Fine. Let’s go.” Ben pushes himself off the wall, leading them into the hangar. There are a few stormtroopers monitoring the area, but no more than usual, and none of them give him a second glance as he takes his “officers” and the droid to the  _ Falcon. _ He leads the way up the ramp, Finn and Rose following; the droid has more trouble, so he gives a quick flick of his wrist to propel the droid inside.

Finn starts to close the ramp, but Ben stops him.

“They can’t know we’re leaving until it’s too late. For all they know, we’re inspecting the ship.”

Finn nods and puts his hand at his side, following Ben and Rose to the cockpit. Ben gives the engine a soft start, hoping no one notices anything suspicious. 

Assuming the failed system cycle alerted the techs, the tracker should be up and running any minute now, if it isn’t already, which means if he flies out of the hangar and makes the jump just outside, they could lock onto his signal...whereas if he makes the jump from  _ inside _ the hangar…

“Hang on,” he orders, fingers dancing over the keys. Finn and Rose barely have time to strap in before he punches it, the  _ Falcon _ shooting out of the hangar at a dizzying pace.

“What are you doing!” Finn yelps, gripping his seat. The BB unit rolls around the floor, whirring indignantly. 

“Making the jump before they can lock onto our signal,” he says shortly, navigating through the hyperlane. As an afterthought, he closes the ramp, assuming it hasn’t been ripped off the ship by now.

“How do you know where the Resistance is?”

“I don’t, I just needed to get us out of there.” He lets the lane carry them deeper into the Outer Rim and finally exits near Dagobah, remote enough where they’re unlikely to run into anyone else. “We can wait here until the Resistance gives us a signal,” he announces, and deciding that he very much wants to be out of Kylo Ren’s clothes, adds, “I’ll be back.”

He knows they’re going to talk about him as soon as he’s gone. That’s fine with him. Let Finn say whatever he wants to the Resistance girl...so long as she keeps his secret.

_ Would it be such a bad thing if other people found out, though? _

He saved the Resistance because it meant saving Rey and his parents. He doesn’t plan to stick around after this. The only person this would really hurt is his mother...and why should he care about that? 

_ Because you love her and she’s trying to be better. _ And because it would kill her if twice in a row now, the untouchable Leia Organa was revealed to be related to  _ another _ famous agent of the evil she sought to destroy. First Vader, now Kylo Ren. What would that do to her, and to all that’s left of the Resistance? 

When he’s changed back into his old clothes (new, really, since Lando had just given them to him, but they feel much more comfortable than the trappings of Kylo Ren), he heads back to the cockpit, walking loudly enough that Finn and Rose will be able to hear him coming and put a pin in their conversation.

As he suspected, both are determinedly not talking when he enters the cockpit; he ignores the silence and drops into the captain’s chair, comming the  _ Raddus. _

“You find a place yet?”

“Ben,” his mother’s voice says with relief. “Yes. I take it you made it off the  _ Supremacy _ ?”

“I did, with the two missing recruits.”

“Thank the stars. You still have the beacon?”

“I do. I’ll set the coordinates now.”

“I’ll see you soon.”

He signs off, setting the beacon into the nav system.

Finn mutters something about using the refresher and leaves. Ben expects Rose to tail after him, unwilling to be alone in the same room as Kylo Ren, but she surprises him by sticking around.

“So...you’re a good guy?” Rose asks.

“Depends on your definition of good, I suppose.” He plugs in the coordinates and sets a chart. “I’m not joining the Resistance, if you’re asking. I’m doing this for my...for the people I love.”

Rose nods sagely. “My sister...she used to say that that’s how we would win this war. Not by fighting what we hate, but saving what we love.”

He’s never thought about it like that before...but he supposes there’s an optimistic kind of beauty to that. A little saccharine for his taste, perhaps, but he likes the sentiment. Life under Snoke had been about killing the past, killing the Jedi, killing Luke. Life now is about saving his mother and father and Rey. 

Especially Rey.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, just letting you know things are about to get sliiiiightly hectic for me as I'm going to stay with my mom for a bit, so not sure what the updating situation will look like. I'll update when I can, though :)

The  _ Raddus _ lands on a moon called Ajan Kloss. It’s a jungle moon, almost as humid as D’Qar, but protected by dense foliage that will shield them if a First Order patrol flies overhead. It’s a good hiding spot...for the Resistance.

As she waits for Ben, Rey gives herself time to consider what she wants to do next. Up until a few hours ago, she had planned to stay with the Resistance and continue her training...but now she doesn’t think that’s going to be the case. She wants to be with Ben, and she knows that even though he saved the Resistance just now, he isn’t going to join their ranks. He has another path...one Rey hopes to follow, too.

While clerks and admins work to establish a camp and take inventory, Rey waits with Han, Leia, and Chewie, all of them looking to the sky. In the short time since walking in on Ben and Rey, Han has been the soul of kindness to Rey. He squeezes her shoulder now, more in reassurance than anything.

“He’ll come,” he says confidently. 

Sure enough, they see the  _ Falcon _ make planetfall just as the sun begins to set, gliding towards the camp at a horizontal slant. Rey holds her breath, sensing Ben’s presence in the ship. 

_ I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise. _

The rest of the Resistance crowds around now to watch the  _ Falcon _ touch down, everyone knowing the legendary ship, and its equally legendary captain. 

Rey heard the talk from some of the others on the journey here.

“Did you hear Ben Solo is turning off the tracker?”

“Han Solo’s son?”

“And General Organa’s!”

“I thought he was dead.”

“So did they.”

“Where’s he been?”

“Dunno, but he’s here now, isn’t he?”

They all watch as the  _ Falcon _ lands, and a moment later, its ramp lowers. First down the ramp is someone Rey hadn’t expected to find on the  _ Falcon. _

“Finn!”

He sees Rey and runs for her, hugging her tightly. “You’re here!”

“ _ You’re _ here!” she exclaims, her eyes flitting over his shoulder. She sees a woman she doesn’t recognize in an officer’s uniform descend, followed by BB-8. “What…?”

“It’s a long story,” Finn is saying, but then Ben appears at the top of the ramp and Rey can only focus on him. His eyes find hers at once, and something in his face relaxes...almost as if he wasn’t sure if she’d be waiting for him.

“...I’ll tell you all about it…”

Rey turns to Finn. “Later. I promise. Just...I have to…” At a loss for words, she moves past him, breaking into a run to reach Ben.

He catches her as soon as he steps off the ramp, lifting her off her feet as he kisses her. Dimly, Rey can hear the Resistance cheering, no doubt thinking this is some well-deserved romantic moment between a hero and his love.

And, well, isn’t it?

.

The Resistance wants to celebrate escaping the First Order, and Leia is not one to deny them. Poe Dameron (who has been in the brig, serving time for attempting a mutiny while Leia was away; she and Amilyn forgive him but keep his disciplinary demotion in place) breaks out the  _ Raddus _ ’s meager alcohol supply while Han supplies some Corellian whiskey.

Over veg-meat rations and whiskey, the Resistance dances and laughs around bonfires and toasts Ben Solo whenever he passes by.

Kylo Ren had commanded thousands, but Ben Solo doesn’t like to be noticed; he lurks in the shadows, flitting from one hiding place to the next. Rey can tell that he hates it, enduring the crowd and the hero-worship, but he bears it because Leia asked him to, just for a little while.

As soon as it’s polite enough to do so, he holds out a hand, and Rey takes it, slipping away to the  _ Falcon _ with him.

They’re on each other as soon as they’re on the ship proper, hands and lips and teeth touching every part of each other they can reach. They stumble into the common area and Rey starts to tug him towards the big bunk there, but he laughs and shakes his head, kissing her.

“That’s Chewie’s bed.”

She huffs out a laugh of her own, deciding that as much as she likes Chewie, she doesn’t want to have sex in his bed. She lets Ben lead her down the same corridor as before, only instead of going into the captain’s cabin, he stops in front of two bunks built into the wall and indicates the top bunk. 

“This is mine.” He’s almost blushing. “The cabin is...my dad’s.”

She reaches up to kiss him, one hand sliding down his stomach and lower still. “Ben, I don’t care where we do it, I just want to  _ do _ it.”

His eyes are dark when he looks at her. “Get up there, then.”

She scrambles obediently onto the top bunk using the handholds, laughing when he pounces on top of her. They help each other pull off their clothes, kissing and touching the newly exposed skin as if it’s been years since they last saw it instead of a couple hours. 

Once completely bared, Rey lies back against the ergonomic bed, pulling Ben on top of her. She’s wet and ready, and when he pushes inside her, she cries out, her fingers digging so deeply into his shoulders that she’s sure to bruise him. 

“Ben,” she groans, rolling her hips. “I missed you...mm...so much…”

“I missed you.” He kisses her temple, gasping as he slides even deeper inside her. “All I wanted was to get back to you.”

She loves the weight of him pressing her into the bed, his hands on hers, his hips meeting hers thrust-for-thrust. He murmurs things in her ear she only half-understands, and when she comes, so does he. 

He doesn’t let it end there, either; he crawls down her body and licks her clean between her legs, making her come on his tongue alone, and then he crawls back up her body and pushes inside her again. There are tears in her eyes when she comes a third time, and she has to beg him to let her rest or else she’s sure she’ll die.

Even with her eyes closed, she can  _ sense _ the shit-eating grin on Ben’s face as he holds her, sweat cooling on their skin. She nuzzles his chest blindly, kissing his muscles as her body melts into his. “Is it always like this?”

“I don’t know,” he says honestly. “I’ve never done it before.”

She’d known that, but it still makes her happy to hear it. “You didn’t...read books about it?”

His laugh is a warm puff of air against her scalp. “I don’t think any book could prepare me for something like this.”

She cracks open an eye, smiling up at him. “I guess not.” She reaches up to kiss him, dropping her head back on his chest after as if exhausted by the effort. “I’m...so glad you came back, Ben.”

“I meant what I said.” His face turns serious. “Snoke...didn’t make it easy.”

“He found you?”

“He sensed me.” He strokes her back soothingly. “He got inside my head. Told me no one really loved me and everyone was just using me.”

She wakes up fully at that, pushing herself to her elbows and frowning. “That’s not true. We all love you. Your parents...and me.”

She can see the smile creeping its way over his face. “You do?”

“Yes.” She refuses to back down, even if her face is red. “I do. I love you.”

He pulls her down to kiss him. “That’s good, because I love you.”

She smiles against his lips. She’d known without him having to tell her...but she likes to hear it just the same. 

.

When she wakes up in the morning, it’s to find two things.

The first is a screen of some kind over the open side of the bed, blocking out the view of the corridor.

The second is Ben’s head between her legs.

“Ben…”

“You have to be quiet,” he murmurs, eyes dancing. “My parents and Chewie are here.”

She presses the back of her hand over her mouth, muffling her moans as he licks and sucks the place between her legs. One or two noises escape, and he crawls up her body with a grin, covering her mouth with his.

“You’re loud.”

“You like it.”

They make love quickly and quietly, Rey muffling her pants and moans in his shoulder. She doesn’t know how she’d gone her whole life without this before; in less than twenty four hours, she’s done it more times than she can count. Will every day be like this?

Ben chuckles.

“What’s so funny?”

“You wondering if we’ll have sex several times a day.”

She flushes. “Well...will we?”

“I  _ hope _ so.”

.

They take a long shower afterward, Rey leaning heavily against Ben as the hot water cascades over them. He washes her hair, and the gesture is so full of love that she feels tears well up in her eyes. No one has ever cared for her like this. She doesn’t think her parents ever did, drunk and affectionless as they were. Unkar certainly never did. She’d spent so much of her life alone.

_ You’re not alone, _ Ben’s voice says inside her head.

She looks up at him, blinking back water droplets. “Neither are you.”

.

After they’ve dressed, they join Han, Leia, and Chewie at the small table in the common area for caf and what Rey thinks are synthetic eggs. No one says anything, but she catches Han and Leia sharing smug, excited looks as Rey and Ben take their seats.

“So,” Ben says, and she knows he’s trying to distract everyone, “will the Resistance stay here?”

“I think so.” Leia takes the change in conversation easily. “We’re stuck here for a while, at any rate. We can’t go anywhere until we have more fuel, and I’m reluctant to make any moves until we have a functional fleet again.”

The Resistance has lost everything; their fleet, their warriors, even their rations. All that’s left are a handful of people and the clothes on their backs. 

“What will you do?” Rey asks softly. “How can you build a rebellion from...this?”

Leia gives her a kind smile. “We have everything we need.” 

Rey smiles back.

“That being said,” Leia continues, turning to her husband, “it would be nice if a ship that  _ did _ have fuel would bring us some supplies until we can get in touch with our allies.”

“Gee, that sure  _ would _ be nice,” Han says as if pondering.

“ _ Han. _ ”

“Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean, Princess. Lando and Maz should be able to help with a few things.”

Leia nods in approval. “Ben, I take it you’ll be going with your father?”

“Yes.” He glances at Rey, an unspoken question on his lips. She nods and takes his hand. Smiling, he turns back to his parents. “And Rey’s coming too.”

Han and Leia exchange another look of smug excitement, and Rey tries not to read too much into it.

_ They like you, _ Ben tells her, squeezing her hand. 

_ Only because they love you. _

_ It helps, maybe, but Dad liked you even before you met me. _

That part is true, but she still can’t help but believe that the depth of Han’s affection is more because of Ben than because of her. 

“Extra pair of hands will be good,” Han attempts in a casual voice. 

Chewie chuckles, growling,  _ Ben certainly thinks so. _

“CHEWIE!” everyone shouts, but the Wookie just throws back his head and roars with laughter. Even Rey can’t find it in herself to be too embarrassed, hiding her grin behind her hand. It must have been obvious what she and Ben were doing in his bunk last night and this morning; she only hopes no one heard them. 

“When will you leave?” Leia asks, redirecting the conversation.

“Soon as breakfast is over, I guess.”

Rey kicks herself, letting go of Ben’s hand and standing up.

“Where are you going?”

“I just have to say goodbye to Finn,” she explains. “I’ll be right back.”

She can see the flicker of jealousy in his eyes, but he just nods in understanding.

She feels horrible. She’d blown off Finn yesterday and hadn’t talked to him since. She’d seen him at the bonfire, but he’d always been a few steps ahead of her and their paths had never crossed. She feels bad about that now, wondering if she hurt his feelings for not continuing their conversation. 

She finds him sitting by a flimsy tent, talking to Poe Dameron and the woman who had been on the  _ Falcon _ with him; they all look up at her arrival. Poe and the woman look neutral, but Finn’s face clouds over.

“Hi,” she says, embarrassed. “Could we talk?”

Poe and the woman leave, and Rey drops down to sit beside Finn. 

“I’m sorry. I cut you off yesterday and I meant to find you later.”

Finn stares at his hands.

Her heart starts to pound. “Are you angry?”

He doesn’t answer, and the long pause only makes her more afraid. 

“Finn, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to leave things that way last night, it’s just that when I saw Ben--”

He makes a noise, and she falls silent, watching.

“When did this happen?” he asks tightly. “You and  _ Ben _ ?”

“Just yesterday,” she admits. “It’s hard to explain.”

“I just don’t understand how you could kiss someone who  _ tortured _ you. Who  _ killed _ people.”

She looks away. “He didn’t torture me. And he had to do those things. Snoke made him.”

“Snoke made him,” Finn mocks.

She frowns. “Snoke made him the same way he made you do horrible things.” 

“It’s not the same, though.” He looks at her, pained. “I was taken as an  _ infant _ and trained to follow commands. Solo was an  _ adult _ when he turned to the dark side and started following Snoke.”

“Snoke tormented him for years,” she insists. “From the time he was born, he was in his head. Ben didn’t turn because he decided to be evil, he turned because he was alone and afraid.”

“Alone and afraid isn’t an excuse.”

She purses her lips. “He’s a good person, Finn. Really.”

He shakes his head. “I was there at Tuanul, I saw him kill an old man and give the command for us to kill the villagers. I’ve seen him do worse.”

“Because Snoke--”

“--made him? Yeah, I got that.” He shakes his head. “I just can’t believe you’d be with someone like that.”

“We...we have a connection,” she tries to explain. “Through the Force.”

Finn finally turns to look at her. “I saw you a  _ few days ago. _ You’re like a completely different person now.”

That stings. “I’m still me.”

He shakes his head. “You’re not.”

That makes her angry. “You barely even knew me before. I think the total time we spent together was less than twenty four hours.”

His face clouds over again. “And Solo knows you better than that?”

“Apparently.” She stands up. “I’m leaving. With Ben and Han and Chewie. We’re getting supplies for the Resistance.”

Finn looks away. “That’s your choice.”

She huffs and leaves him, marching back to the  _ Falcon _ . As angry as she is, she can’t help feeling hurt and even afraid that Finn is right. How well does she really know Ben?

But as soon as she reaches the  _ Falcon _ and sees him standing at the top of the ramp, her fears vanish and all she can feel is happiness at the sight of him. She walks up the ramp, sinking into his embrace. 

“Everything okay?” he asks softly, feeling her distress.

She nods, tightening her arms around him. “It is now.”


	13. Chapter 13

Lando and Jannah are relieved to see them again...and excited to meet Rey once they figure out what she means to Ben.

“Rey, you are  _ truly _ a bright light here among the clouds,” Lando says, kissing her hand. “A woman of your radiance must wear the clothes to match.”

“Oh,” Rey says, throwing a frantic look at Ben.

“Don’t freak her out.” He puts an arm around her shoulders, gently disengaging her from Lando. He knows the other man doesn’t mean any harm, but he doubts Rey has ever met someone like him. “She doesn’t know you’re all talk.”

“Ben is like a son to me; I would never proposition anyone who meant something to him,” Lando assures Rey. “Now Jannah, on the other hand…”

“Maybe coming here was a mistake,” Ben deadpans. 

“Oh, I’m not gonna hit on her,” Jannah says, rolling her eyes. “I  _ am _ gonna get her out of those clothes, though. No offense, Rey, but you are way too beautiful to be wearing rags like that. Don’t worry, I’m gonna hook you up.” She takes Rey’s hand, pulling her inside. Rey shoots a questioning look over her shoulder at Ben.

_ She’s fine, _ he tells her, nodding.  _ Let me know if you want to leave. _

Rey turns back, disappearing inside with Jannah. He hopes that she has a good time, or at least not a terrible one. She hasn’t said anything, but he knows that her conversation with Finn left her agitated, and he was her only friend. He doesn’t have to guess what riled her up; Finn openly dislikes Ben, and his attachment to Rey had been strong. He must have hated seeing the kiss, and them disappearing into the  _ Falcon _ later, and he must have communicated as much to Rey.

She’ll have a good time with Jannah; at the very least, Jannah won’t make her feel bad for being with Ben. 

“So what brings you boys back so soon?” Lando asks, steering the Solo men and Chewie inside. In a lower voice, he adds, “Is everything...okay?”

“For now,” Han says in an equally low voice. “Resistance outran the First Order, but now they’re stranded on a backwater planet with no fleet, no fuel, and no supplies. Leia was wondering if you could help with a few things.”

“Of course. Anything for my old friends. I’ll put out some feelers with some of my...rebellion-inclined contacts, as well.”

“Thanks, Lando.”

He ushers them into his apartments, closing the door and heading for his bar. “I’m glad to see you again...but you shouldn’t stay for too long, or come back too often. Everyone knows about my involvement in the Rebellion; the First Order probably already has eyes on me, and if they see the husband and son of Leia Organa coming back and forth, it’ll be bad for both of us.”

“Understood. But Lando, aren’t you afraid they’ll come after you anyway?”

“I am,” Lando admits, handing them their drinks. “No one is stupid enough to think I’d turn a blind eye to what’s happening now. And sadly, I don’t even think the First Order needs an excuse to come after me. Don’t get me wrong, the Empire was evil, but Palpatine was a politician first. He took over the Senate slowly; no one even knew it was being destroyed until the Empire rose from the ashes. Snoke destroyed the entire Hosnian system and the New Republic with it in seconds. There was no negotiating, no slow takeover. It just...bam. Happened.”

Ben takes a long swallow, unable to forget the image of the Hosnian system going up in red flames. That had been Hux’s pet project, and it had done well, up until it had been disabled and the base had collapsed in on itself. It’s only a matter of time before they attempt a second Starkiller base, just as Palpatine had attempted a second Death Star. 

“You should hide Jannah, at the very least,” he finds himself saying, and everyone turns to look at him. He takes a deep breath. “My mother has always been viewed as a radical, Dad has a reputation because of her and because of the smuggling, and my uncle is in hiding. The First Order can destroy you if they choose, but first they’ll attempt to court you. You’re a respected administrator of a successful mining colony and a hero of the Rebellion. It will look far better for them if you speak out against the Resistance and show your support for the First Order.”

“And they’d use Jannah as leverage.” It isn’t so much a question as a statement.

Ben inclines his head. “Yes. The First Order specializes in taking children; all of the Stormtroopers were taken as infants or very young children and trained as soldiers. Most of them were from small planets where their disappearance wouldn’t get as much attention, but they’ve taken the children of people they wanted to control, and they’ll do it again.” His breath hitches. “Snoke didn’t take me because of my abilities, he took me because of my family. They’ll do the same to Jannah if they think it will make you cooperate.”

Lando considers this. “I’ll have her lay low,” he decides at last. “She’s been itching to get out of here for a while, anyway. Does Leia have any need for a mouthy pilot?”

“She’s accepting applications for mouthy and non-mouthy pilots,” Han jokes. “She’ll need a ship, though; most of the fleet was destroyed.”

“I’ll send a few dozen ships,” Lando says carelessly. “I collect X-Wings from the Rebellion.”

“Of course you do,” Han mutters.

“I can put in a uniform order, too. If you’re going to rebel, might as well do it in style.”

“I’m sure that’s high on the priority list.” Han rolls his eyes where Lando can’t see. 

Lando points at Ben. “And I fully plan to treat your young lady to a new wardrobe.”

“Don’t do anything...ostentatious,” Ben begs. “She’s from a desert planet, she’s never had more than one set of clothes at a time.”

“I won’t go overboard, I just want her to have some nice clothes.”

“No capes.”

“ _ One _ cape. Everyone should have at least one. Look at your dad. No capes.”

“Hey,” Han says indignantly. “I look great.”

Lando arches a brow. “Keep telling yourself that.”

Ben tunes out the two men as they play-bicker, his eyes turning to the clouds. He reaches out lightly with the Force, checking in on Rey. He can sense her a couple rooms away, entrenched in Jannah’s closet. Overall, she seems calm, if a little uncertain. When she senses his presence, she brushes against it reassuringly, almost like squeezing his hand in passing. He withdraws, content with her contentment. 

The two women join them only a few minutes later. Rey is dressed simply, but he knows that the clothes she has on are the nicest she’s ever worn. A long white shirt hangs over dark red pants, cinched around her waist by a utility belt. Her jacket is black to match her boots, and black wristbands have replaced the wraps she used to wear over her arms. 

Jannah glances at him, half in defiance, half looking for approval; he nods, reaching out a hand to draw Rey into the seat beside him. He can feel her insecurity, her equal discomfort and admiration for the new clothes. 

_ You look beautiful, _ he tells her.

She gives him a flushing smile.  _ Really? Not just saying that? _

_ I’d prefer you with the clothes off, _ he admits, grinning when she elbows him.

Jannah watches them with an unreadable expression on her face.

.

While Han and Lando spend most of the day holed up in Lando’s study contacting friends and allies, Ben, Chewie, and Jannah show Rey around Cloud City. It’s a small city, relatively speaking, but Rey has never been to any kind of city before, and her awe is palpable. 

“It’s nice enough here,” Jannah says, shrugging, “but if you want to go clubbing or podracing, you have to go offworld, and this sector is kind of dead.”

“I think it’s wonderful,” Rey says firmly. “It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen.”

Jannah smiles at that. “It  _ is _ beautiful. My mom used to joke that the reason she and my dad split up is because she couldn’t compete with this place.”

“Where is she now?” Rey asks. 

Jannah shrugs. “She’s all over the place. She’s adventurous, which Dad says I get from her. She thought she was ready to settle down and have a family, but she didn’t realize until after she had me that she didn’t like staying in one place for too long. She still visits, but Dad got sole custody of me and everyone agreed it was for the best.”

“I’m sorry,” Rey says quietly.

Jannah looks surprised. “Why?”

Rey shifts uncomfortably. “Well...she left you.”

Jannah’s face softens. “It wasn’t like that. She didn’t abandon me or anything. She knew she wouldn’t be a good parent if she was forced to stay here all the time, and she knew Dad would take care of me. Like I said, she still visits and checks in on me; we chat constantly. I’ve never wanted for anything. Dad always puts me first.”

Ben can feel the jealousy rolling off of Rey. Rey, who has never known her parents, and never will. Rey, whose parents abandoned her without any thought or care about what was best for her. Jannah’s mother would never have left if she’d been needed here, but Rey’s parents sold her without so much as a twinge of regret. 

Not for the first time, he remembers their shared vision of children running in a meadow. Their children. They’ll be good parents to their children, he knows it. Their children will never feel unwanted or abandoned. They’ll never feel anything other than wholly and completely loved. 

“What about your parents?” Jannah asks now.

Ben squeezes Rey’s hand. “Rey doesn’t have parents,” he says for her, not wanting her to have to say anything that might upset her. 

Jannah looks between the two of them. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s okay,” Rey lies. “Let’s not talk about them. I’d much rather see the rest of the city.”

They spend the rest of the day walking through the city, stopping at one of the small restaurants for a late lunch. Jannah orders a little bit of everything for Rey to try; she eats as much as she can, but the food is new and different, and she only gets through a little bit of it. 

“Go easy on her,” Ben urges when Jannah tries to coax her into eating more. “She’s not used to this kind of food.”

Jannah rolls her eyes. “Yes,  _ sir. _ ”

That rankles. “You’re trying to force her to eat and she’s full--”

“I’m not  _ forcing _ her to do anything, just because I’m not putting limits on her--”

_ Enough, _ Chewie growls, silencing them both. 

“I am full,” Rey says meekly. “And a little tired. Maybe we could finish the tour later?”

“Of course,” Jannah says diplomatically. She leads them to the lifts, which carry them up to their respective suites. Ben is staying in the same one as before, so he waves off Jannah at the door; no sooner has he showed Rey into his room ( _ our room, _ he thinks with excitement) than she heads straight for the refresher and vomits. He slips in after her, pulling her hair out of her face and rubbing her back soothingly.

“I ate too much,” Rey croaks sheepishly, wiping her mouth. “It’s just so... _ much _ .”

After a lifetime of eating nothing but veg-meat and hardtack, he can imagine that anything feels like too much. He’s sure her stomach will adjust eventually, but in the meantime, she’s probably going to get well acquainted with the refresher. 

“Your body isn’t used to different food, and Jannah shouldn’t have been forcing you to eat more than you could handle.”

She flushes the toilet, giving him a look.

“What?”

“You don’t like her.”

That surprises him. “Jannah? I like her. I don’t really have a choice; we grew up together.”

She considers this as he gets up, wetting a washcloth and pressing it to her face. “You were arguing earlier.”

He shrugs. “That’s sort of what people who grow up together do. It doesn’t mean we don’t like each other, we just disagree on things.” He touches her knee. “Do  _ you _ like Jannah?”

“I do. She’s nice. And funny. But I won’t like her if you don’t like her.”

He kisses her forehead. “Your loyalty is adorable, but you don’t have to dislike someone just because I do. And I don’t dislike her, I like her a lot. She’s like family to me.”

She curls up in his lap, tucking her head under his. “It’s just...after everything...I never want you to doubt me or the way I feel about you. I won’t be friends with people you don’t like. I won’t forgive people who hurt you.”

He’s touched by the admission; he wraps his arms around her, nuzzling the top of her head. He doesn’t think he has the words to express how much that means to him, but he hopes she understands. 

After she’s gargled with mouthwash, they lie down in bed and nap for a bit. Or Rey naps, and Ben tries not to wake her. 

Not for the first time, he marvels at how lucky he is. He had thought that it would be harder to leave Snoke, but every time he looks at Rey, he is reminded how quickly he’d make the decision to leave if offered the chance again. He hadn’t realized how empty he’d felt until now. There had been a hole in his heart, one he’d tried to fill with hate and anger, but the only thing that could fill it was love. Love from his parents, love from Chewie, love from Uncle Lando...and love from Rey. 

Snoke will never leave him alone as long as he’s alive. Ben knows that, and had known it from the beginning. He knows that when his defenses are down, Snoke will move in and try to persuade him to come back. If he’s weak enough, Ben might be tempted.

But as long as he’s with Rey, he doesn’t think that will happen. She makes him feel strong, and the whispers in his head, the endless echoing voices that always seemed to plague him, are so muffled that he can barely hear them anymore. 

.

He doesn’t realize he’s been dozing until he feels the bed shift beside him. His eyes snap open, only to find Rey standing at the window, staring outside. 

“It’s beautiful,” she breathes. “Come look.”

He gets up, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. It’s the golden hour that he loves so well, the sky a magnificent, glittering sea of clouds. 

“When I was younger, my favorite part about visiting Cloud City was watching the golden hour,” he says softly. “I’d sit at the window, transfixed.”

Her fingers touch the glass. “Is it always like this?”

“Every day.”

They stand there and watch as the clouds change, until the sky is a deep blue and stars dot the sky. Only then do they move, freshening up before dinner.

Lando, as usual, pulls out all the stops for his guests; he serves them a five course meal while a classy jizz band plays over the sound system. Not that anyone can hear the music over Han and Lando trading war stories and roaring with laughter. Ben has heard all these stories before, but it’s been a long time, and he finds himself laughing even though he knows how they all end. Rey and Jannah are laughing, too, and as Ben eats his dinner and drinks his wine, he almost forgets that they’re in the middle of another war.

The wine keeps coming long after the plates have been cleared, and Ben doesn’t think much of it until Rey squeezes his hand.

_ I feel funny. _

He looks at her and realizes that she’s drunk. He should have thought of this sooner; she’s never had alcohol before. Of course a few glasses of wine would get her intoxicated. 

_ You’re drunk, _ he tells her, glancing around to make sure no one else has noticed. Luckily, Han and Lando are still telling stories, and Chewie and Jannah are both focused on them. 

_ Drink some water. _ He subtly pushes her glass closer, and she obediently drinks. He can feel her disorientation, and he knows that if she starts talking or walking, it’ll become glaringly obvious. No one here would judge her, of course, but he doesn’t want her to feel embarrassed for getting so inebriated while everyone else is only lightly buzzed. 

_ Do you want to stay here or go somewhere else? _

The answer comes at once.  _ Go. _

He moves silently out of his chair, helping her out of hers. “We’re just gonna take a walk,” he says when Han looks up at them.

Jannah’s jaw sets before she stands up and brightly announces, “I’ll come too.”

Ben can feel his own jaw setting.

_ It’s fine, _ Rey tells him.  _ I just want to get out of here. _

He nods stiffly, wrapping an arm around Rey and leading her out of the room while Jannah follows. 

“So?” Jannah asks as soon as the door has closed behind them. “Where are we going?”

“ _ Rey and I _ are going to bed,” he says shortly, propelling Rey forward. “I don’t care where you go.”

“What is your  _ problem _ ?” Jannah asks, following them to the apartment. 

“ _ My _ problem?”

“You’re acting so weird,” she accuses, following them inside. The door hisses shut behind her, and Rey wobbles to the couch while Ben turns to face Jannah. 

“You’ve been harassing Rey all day,” Ben snaps.

“Oh,  _ I’m _ the one harassing her? That’s rich, coming from her weird and controlling boyfriend.”

“I’m not controlling!” He gapes at his friend. “What are you talking about?”

“You are  _ so _ being controlling!” Jannah’s voice rises. “Have you looked at yourself? You speak for her, she’s always looking at you for approval, you control how much she eats, now you’re forcing her to go to bed because she drank a little?”

“It’s not like that at all!” he protests. “I’m just trying to look out for her! Up until a few days ago, she’d never left her desert planet; everything here is new to her.”

“So you’re dictating what she can and can’t do?”

“It’s not like that,” Rey says from the couch. “Really, it’s…” She looks at Ben. “We can...speak to each other. In our heads. He spoke for me today because I didn’t know what to say and he knew it. When we look at each other, it’s because we’re talking to each other. I’d never eaten real food until a few days ago, and I ate so much today that I got sick. Just now I asked him to take me away because I feel sick again.” She closes her eyes, swallowing with effort. “Ben…”

Reflexively, he reaches out his hand; a wastebasket comes flying into his fingers, and he gets it in front of Rey right before she throws up for the second time that day. 

Jannah sits beside Rey, sheepish as she rubs the other woman’s back. “That, uh...explains a lot.”

Ben ignores her, focused on Rey. She spits out the last of her vomit and sinks back against the couch, a miserable look on her face. Ben delicately sets aside the wastebasket and sits on her other side, stroking her hair. 

Suddenly, Rey starts crying.

“I’m sorry,” she wails into her hands when Ben and Jannah both start. “I’m sorry, I’ve just never...no one’s ever cared about me before.”

It breaks Ben’s heart to fucking pieces. No one  _ has _ ever cared for Rey before. Her parents obviously hadn’t wanted her, and he doubts whether Unkar Plutt showed any affection that wasn’t immediately followed by a demand. Finn had cared about her, but only insofar as she was available to him, and as soon as she wasn’t, he lost all interest. Even this morning she’d voiced that Han and Leia only cared about her because of her connection to Ben, and in some ways, he knows she’s right. He’s the first person to care about her unconditionally, and now Jannah cares about her, too.

He imagines that that knowledge, coupled with more wine than she’s ever had to drink before in her life,  _ would _ make her emotional.

“That’s not true,” Jannah protests, but Rey shakes her head. 

“No, really...no one ever did. Until now.” She peeks through her fingers, giving them both a watery smile. “I’m sorry, I don’t...I don’t know why I’m crying…”

“Because you’re drunk,” Ben says gently. 

“Is this your first time?” Jannah asks. When Rey nods, Jannah lets out a breath. “Hoo, boy. Okay. Well, don’t cry, because Ben and I are gonna take care of you, okay?”

Together, Ben and Jannah carry Rey to the refresher, where they wash her face and give her mouthwash and make sure she drinks water. Jannah talks and talks, telling silly stories until Rey laughs while Ben gently winds her hair into two braids to keep it out of her face. 

Jannah brings Rey some of her silk pajamas, and Rey cries all over again because they feel so nice. All three of them in pajamas now, they sit up in Ben’s bed, watching holos and talking until Rey falls asleep between Ben and Jannah. They’re all too comfortable to move, so Ben and Jannah stay up watching holos.

“I’m sorry I said you were a weird, controlling boyfriend,” Jannah murmurs after a long time. She looks over at Ben, half her face blue from the light of the holo. 

“It’s okay.” He glances down at Rey, who’s sleeping soundly, her breathing deep and even. “You were looking out for her.”

“Yeah.” Jannah’s quiet for a moment. “You’re just really...intense around her.”

“I’m really intense all the time.” He looks down at Rey. “I just care about her a lot.”

“You love her.”

It isn’t a question.

“I do. More than I ever thought it was possible to love somebody.”


	14. Chapter 14

Rey wakes with a pounding headache and the distinct sensation of being blinded. 

“Bright,” she croaks.

The bed shifts, and then the room is encased in darkness. She blinks, realizing that Ben has gotten up to pull a shade over the window.

“Sorry,” he murmurs, sitting on the bed beside her. “Forgot how bright it was.” He strokes her forehead. “How do you feel?”

“Head hurts.” She closes her eyes again, soothed by Ben’s hand on her head. 

“Wine will do that to you.”

She makes a disgruntled noise. He gives a small chuckle, kissing her forehead before getting up. She doesn’t open her eyes until he sits on the bed again. “Here.” He’s holding out a glass of a cloudy, fizzy drink. “This will help with your hangover, but you gotta drink it fast.”

She sits up, guzzling down the drink as quickly as her roiling stomach will allow. She does feel better once she’s swallowed all of it, though; her stomach settles, and even the ache in her head starts to abate. Her mind clears, too, and she remembers the events from the night before. “I embarrassed myself last night.”

“No you did not,” he says firmly, setting her glass on the bedside table and scooting closer. “That was your first time drinking wine, of course you’d get drunk. I should’ve been more proactive.”

“You did so much for me,” she murmurs, threading her fingers through his. “You and Jannah both.” The memory almost makes her cry again; she looks away, breathing through it. “So, what do we do now?”

“Well, I thought we could just watch some holos until that hangover cure kicks in.”

She furrows her brow. “We don’t have to...do anything?”

His face softens. “No, we don’t. We can just...be here for a while.”

The concept is new to her. Every morning of her life, she’s woken up knowing she had a day’s worth of tasks ahead of her. Even after she’d left Jakku, she’d woken up having to be somewhere or do something. Today is the first day ever in her life that she hasn’t had to be somewhere or do something. She can just...lie here, in bed with Ben.

She lies on her side, pressed against his chest as they watch a holo. She’s seen movies like this before, or rather, bits and pieces of them. This one is about a Rebellion spy who infiltrates the Empire. Rey doesn’t understand a lot of it, but she’s content to let it play out in front of her. Her headache clears up as the holo plays on; relieved, she shifts, and accidentally brushes against Ben’s front.

A very  _ specific _ part of his front.

They both freeze for a moment, each unsure if this is something the other wants. Rey shifts away, and she doesn’t think she misses the disappointment she can feel from Ben.

It thrills her more than it should. She doesn’t doubt his love for her, especially after last night, but it’s nice to know that even the morning after throwing up and crying like a baby, he still wants her that way. 

She presses her hips back experimentally, grinning when he sucks in a breath. She plays it off as simply adjusting her position...but when she does it a second, third, and fourth time, his hand grips her hip hard enough to make her gasp.

“Feeling better?” he murmurs, sliding his thumb underneath the waistband of her pajama pants.

“Why don’t you  _ feel _ for yourself?” she suggests, gasping again when his entire hand slides under her pajama pants and the waistband of her underwear. One finger swirls against her just right; she rolls her hips eagerly, panting as he touches her. While he grinds his erection into her from behind, his fingers touch the sensitive spot between her legs, another finger sliding in and out of her. His teeth nip at her neck, his cheeks rough from not shaving.

“Rey,” he groans, grinding against her. “I wanna taste you again.”

“Okay,” she says breathlessly. 

He climbs down her body at once, tugging at her pajama pants and underwear until she’s bare. His eyes hooded, he hooks her legs over his shoulders and buries his face between her legs.

Rey doesn’t know if this kind of thing is normal, nor does she really care so long as Ben keeps doing it. As with all things, his attention to her is singular and determined, a task that he will stop at nothing to complete to perfection. This man who commanded armies, who killed his enemies, who was the second most feared man in the First Order, worships between her legs like the humblest of acolytes. He lets her tug his hair, grinding her center against his face as he draws orgasm after orgasm from her. 

“Please,” she begs at last. “Please, I need you inside me…”

He pulls himself away long enough to divest himself of his clothes, and then his body is hovering over hers, his cock pushing inside her. 

It’s only been a day since the last time they made love, but it feels like much longer. She gasps as he enters her, her fingers gripping the bedsheets as she stretches around him. He’s so  _ big _ . Big, but gentle; he moves slowly and tenderly, his thrusts light until her fingers dig into his hips and she begs him to move harder and faster.

“You feel so fucking amazing,” he growls, and she’d be lying if she said that didn’t turn her on even more. “You feel like you were made for me.”

And oh, what a wonderful, beautiful thought, that she was made for him and him for her. She reaches up to kiss him, panting as he reaches between them to touch her. She comes with a cry, that place between her legs fluttering wildly like a creature in a cage. 

Ben’s frantic thrusts slow after a moment, and then he’s collapsing onto the bed beside her, panting and sweaty. She pulls off her shirt before draping her body over his, kissing the sweat from his neck.

“Ben?”

“Mm?”

She hesitates, trying to find the words to ask what she wants to ask. “What if...I get pregnant?”

He looks at her, surprised.

“You always come inside me,” she points out, cheeks flushing. “And we don’t...use anything.” She knows what protection is; Unkar had more or less explained it to her a long time ago. She had never used any because it was expensive, and there hadn’t been anyone she wanted to have sex with on Jakku anyway. Now, though…

“Well...you won’t get pregnant,” Ben says slowly. “Because I have a chip.”

“A chip?”

He taps at his forearm; she can’t see anything, but he goes on to explain, “I’ve had one since I finished puberty. Most people do. That way if biologically compatible people have sex, there’s no risk of conception.”

“Oh.” She hadn’t realized that, but she supposes it makes sense. Ben grew up in a good home on a good planet; of course they’d want to make sure he was being responsible. 

He watches her. “I can...have it removed if you...want.”

She shakes her head, then catches herself. “It’s...I don’t know. I know we’re  _ going _ to have children someday.” Her heart flutters at the thought, and she doesn’t miss the way Ben’s eyes grow soft. “I just don’t think I’m ready  _ yet _ .”

“I don’t think so either,” he agrees. “Everything is too...uncertain right now.”

“Right.” She nods, relieved. “I wouldn’t want to have children until we were both ready. And hopefully not until the war is over.”

“I wouldn’t want that either.” He clears his throat. “I don’t...want children until Snoke is dead. I don’t want him to get to them the way he got to me.”

She kisses his cheek, wishing there was more she could say or do. Poor Ben. Even here, even now, the shadow of Snoke will always loom over him. “We can defeat him. I know we can.”

But Ben shakes his head. “The Resistance is little more than an irritant to the First Order right now. Once a second Starkiller base is assembled, they’ll be able to terrorize the entire galaxy into following them. Snoke waited in the Unknown Regions since the fall of the Empire for this moment; it’s going to take more than a few X-Wings to take them down.” He looks up at the ceiling, frowning. “Killing Snoke is the only way to destroy the First Order. Without him, they have no real leadership. The admirals and generals will squabble amongst themselves and the First Order would break off into factions, but that will never happen as long as Snoke is alive.” He takes a deep breath. “It won’t be long before he’s replaced me, probably with one of the Knights of Ren. None of them are as strong with the Force as I am, but he doesn’t need them to be; he just needs someone to wear the mask and swing a lightsaber, and any idiot can do that.”

“You think he’ll replace you?”

“Snoke always had me do his dirty work for him. Only his most trusted men were allowed to see him face to face; everyone else only received holos from him. I was the one he sent planetside. As soon as the galaxy finds out that not only is Starkiller base destroyed, but Kylo Ren with it, he’ll lose control. People will side with the Resistance.” He takes another deep breath. “So he has to replace me. He’ll find a Knight of Ren and either give them my name, or he’ll claim they overthrew me. More likely he’ll give them my name so that no one will question anything.”

She considers this. “Are the knights loyal to you, or to him?”

“Theoretically, they were loyal to Kylo Ren, but that was only while Kylo Ren was on the dark side.”

“So they wouldn’t help you overthrow Snoke if you reached out to them now?”

He shakes his head. “They’d see my turning away as a sign of weakness. Once they find out I’m gone, they’ll select a new leader, who will keep reporting to Snoke. He’s made them some of the most powerful people in the galaxy, and he’s earned their loyalty because of it.”

“So how  _ does _ one defeat Snoke?”

“Good question.” He strokes her back. “I don’t think it can be done. His guards are slavishly devoted to him, and he has the highest security clearance in the galaxy. To even get close, you’d have to get through the entire First Order, get access to his throne room or his private chambers, assuming you know which one he’ll be occupying, and then you’d have to get through his praetorian guards, who are impossible to defeat. And then you’d have to get through Snoke himself, who is a skilled wielder of the Force.”

Her heart sinks. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” He must sense her disappointment, because he strokes her back again and tells her, “There’s a way, somehow, I just don’t know what it is yet. Maybe blowing up the  _ Supremacy. _ ”

“But then everyone else on the ship would die.” They might be in the First Order, but they’re still people, and she’s sure they don’t all deserve to die.

“They would,” he agrees. “Which presents its own set of issues; do the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few? Is it better to destroy the  _ Supremacy _ and all the lives on it in order to destroy Snoke and let the galaxy prosper? Or is it better to let the war continue to its bitter end, killing soldiers on both sides?”

She hasn’t thought about it like that before. Surely it would be better to kill everyone on the  _ Supremacy _ ...but who is she to dole out judgment like that?

“My head hurts again.”

He kisses her forehead. “Then let’s stop talking about war. Let’s take a shower and get something to eat.”

Her stomach rumbles agreeably.

.

After showering and changing into fresh clothes, Rey and Ben eat a light breakfast in the apartment’s common area, sitting by the window and watching lightcraft zoom past. 

“Why is this city...built like this?” she asks. 

“In the clouds, you mean?” When she nods, he explains, “The planet itself is a gas giant--there would be no way to build on Bespin. So they had to build a city high up enough in the atmosphere that it wouldn’t kill anyone.”

“But why build a city in the clouds at all?”

“One of the gases Bespin produces is tibanna.”

Rey understands now. Tibanna is a precious gas used in hyperdrives, cannons, and repulsorlifts. Basically, it’s vital to any functioning ship. On Jakku, scavengers lucky enough to find tibanna gas canisters had received a heap of portions. Rey had never been that lucky, but she’d learned enough about it to recognize its uses and why it’s important. 

The door hisses open, revealing Han and Chewie.

“Good and bad news,” Han announces. “The good news is Lando should have enough supplies to get the Resistance back on its feet. The bad news is we have to leave as soon as possible.”

“Why?” Rey asks, glancing at Ben. 

He doesn’t look surprised. “The First Order knows we’re here.”

Her stomach clenches. “They do?”

“I should say, they already knew we were here, but now they know Lando’s aiding the Resistance.”

Han nods unhappily. “Lobot caught a First Order informant. Not sure what he passed along, but they were always gonna come down on this place. Sooner we’re out of here, the better.”

“Will Lando and Jannah be okay?” Rey asks, following them to the door. 

“Jannah’s already gone.”

That surprises her. “Already?”

“Just now,” Han amends. “As soon as Lando found out there was a First Order informant in the mines, he didn’t wanna take any risks. He’ll be heading out right after us; he’s gotta wrap up a few things here first.”

Lando is waiting by the  _ Falcon _ when they walk outside. 

“I’m sorry about this,” Han tells him, gripping his shoulder.

Lando shakes his head. “Eh, don’t be. They were always going to come after me, it was just a matter of time. Give Maz my best.”

“Will do.”

He moves to hug Ben, embracing the younger man with care. “Stay safe, little starfighter.”

“I will,” Ben murmurs. 

To Rey’s surprise, she gets a hug too. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Rey. I hope we can meet again under better circumstances.”

“So do I.”

She feels it a split second before it happens; reacting instinctively, she pushes Lando to the ground right as the blaster fires. She knocks over Ben and Han, too, and Chewie’s agonized shout tells her that he was the one who caught the blow. Thankfully, it only seems to have glanced off his leg, but the singed hair there is a warning of what might have occurred.

“Security!” Lando shouts, but half of them aim their blasters at Lando anyway. 

It’s Ben who reacts the fastest, throwing out a hand to block the blaster fire. The turncloaks freeze, eyes wide; it gives Rey, Han, Chewie, and Lando just enough time to scramble up the ramp. Ben is the last one to follow, but not before redirecting the blaster fire at the traitors. 

“Bastards!” Lando is howling even as Han and Chewie fire up the engine. Chewie throws up the shields before the  _ Falcon _ takes much more damage; with a whine, the ship lifts into the air and then catapults out of the atmosphere and into hyperspace.

“Damn it!” Lando is shouting. “I thought I could trust those men!”

_ Just like you thought you could trust them last time? _ Chewie bellows.

“Shut up, Chewbacca!” Lando looks ready to tear out his own hair. “How could half my security staff be working for the First Order?!” His face pales. “Jannah…”

“You were careful,” Han reassures him. “You didn’t tell anyone where she was going.”

“They could’ve put a tracker on her.”

Han curses.

“What?”

“A tracker. They could have one on us, too. If they haven’t put a detonator on us…”

They’re all quiet for a moment, almost as if waiting to hear a detonator. They don’t, of course, but nevertheless, Han shakes his head. “We should stop and look over the ship.”

“Where’s the nearest planet?”

Ben checks the nav charts. “Hoth.”

Han and Chewie make noises of disgust. 

“I know it’s cold but--”

“Cold?! It’s a  _ frozen hell. _ ”

“Better a frozen hell than exploding, from a detonator  _ or _ the First Order tracking us,” Ben reminds them.

Han and Chewie hesitate before Han huffs and sets a course for Hoth. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Ben leaves the cockpit, jerking his head for Rey to come with him. She does, following him to the captain’s cabin. He begins rifling through the wardrobe, pulling out heavy coats lined with fur.

“You’ve never seen snow before, have you?”

“I saw it on the Starkiller base.”

He nods, pulling out a tan coat made from some kind of animal hide and holding it up. “Right.” Nodding again, he hands it to her.

“It wasn’t  _ that _ cold--”

“Starkiller was different,” he tells her, pulling out a long black coat for himself. “The planet was converted into a superweapon, it had the power to destroy an entire solar system in its core. Hoth is different. There’s no superweapon in its core. It’s all frozen. Even people used to the cold will die if they stay out there for too long. It will be the coldest you’ve ever been and maybe ever will be.”

She can feel her heart sinking. “What if there is a tracker and they find us?”

Ben is quiet for a long moment. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

“But if it does?”

Ben doesn’t answer.


	15. Chapter 15

Ben’s only been to Hoth once in his life, and at the time, he remembers fervently hoping to never have to come back again. He supposes he can’t blame his father and Chewie for their reluctance to land on this frozen hell, but he isn’t willing to risk a longer wait. A detonator would likely have already gone off by now, but a tracker wouldn’t be noticeable at all. They’ll have to comb the ship, and make sure nothing else has been tampered with. 

He layers up, pulling a sweater over his thermal shirt and the long coat over that. He bundles Rey up next, taking care to roll a pair of large socks up her legs and drawing the hood of her shirt over her ears. He can feel her fear, and he presses a reassuring kiss to her forehead. “We’ll be inside the abandoned base most of the time; if we can get the generator running, you won’t feel the cold.”

“That’s not why I’m afraid.” 

He doesn’t know what to say to that. There’s a very real chance that the First Order  _ is _ tracking them, and if they are…

Well, they’re fucked.

The abandoned rebel base was mostly destroyed by the Empire, and what’s left of it likely isn’t enough to defend them against the First Order, even if it’s only a small scouting party. His one consolation is that Snoke has likely issued some kind of order about sparing Ben Solo...unless Snoke has really and truly abandoned all hope and would rather see his former apprentice rot than try to coerce him back to the dark side. 

“I won’t let them hurt you,” he says at last.

She shakes her head. “I’m not worried about me.”

Force, he loves her. He’d die for her. He’d kill for her. And maybe he’ll do one or the other before the day is over.

.

They land just outside of the former base. It’s covered in a layer of snow and ice, and after trying to chip away at it, Han finally gets exasperated and backs the  _ Falcon _ into the wall of ice, melting it with the thrusters until it’s thin enough to shatter against the  _ Falcon _ . 

They’re all freezing by the time they get inside; Rey’s nose is red, her expression miserable, and Ben wraps his arms around her as they walk on stiff legs into the base. 

Ben and Lando close the hangar doors while Rey looks for the generators; once she has them up and running, a pale warmth stirs in the base, making it at least a little bearable. 

“Alright,” Han sighs, tearing off his gloves with his teeth. “Let’s get to it.”

The five of them crawl all over the ship, searching for anything that could have been planted by the First Order. The ship sat for almost twenty four hours, and anyone could have done anything with it in that amount of time. 

It’s Rey who finds the tracker first. She’s been a scavenger almost all her life, combing through ships and taking them apart, and she finds it long before the others have even settled into their search. She shouts when she finds it, prying it from the  _ Falcon _ ’s underbelly and holding it aloft.

Han takes one look at the tracker before throwing it on the ground and shooting it with his blaster.

“We gotta get outta here,” he says, not so much as sparing a glance at the smoking ruin as he holsters his blaster. “Let’s get the generators turned off.”

Ben and Rey go to do just that...but even after the generators have been shut off, they can hear a mechanical sort of whine.

“Do you hear that?”

They fall silent.

The noise gets louder. Closer. 

“That’s a ship,” Lando murmurs. “And it’s coming towards us.”

Ben has the faint hope that it will go away...but the whine of the engine only gets closer, and he knows that whoever is on the other side of the hangar doors is looking for them. He positions himself in front of Rey, drawing his lightsaber. 

The engine idles, and then the hangar doors bang as if someone is knocking loudly. Everyone pulls out their blasters, ready.

What no one is ready for is the small but distinct voice shouting,  _ “SOLOOOOOOOOS!” _

“Maz!” Han shouts in surprise. Chewie roars, loping forward to open the doors. 

Ben sags in relief, clipping his saber to his belt. He wraps an arm around Rey, walking with her to where Chewie has lifted Maz off her feet. She kisses the Wookie happily, taking Han and Lando’s hands once she’s been set down. 

When she sees Ben and Rey, her eyes crinkle. 

“Been a long time since I’ve seen you, Ben Solo...and not so long since I’ve seen this one.”

“Maz,” Rey murmurs, stooping down to hug the ancient woman. 

“How’d you know we were here?” Han asks.

“When you’re as old as I am, you know everything,” she declares. 

“Maz…”

“Okay, so I have a spy in the First Order,” she huffs. “Why do you have to make me reveal my tricks?”

Ben feels his heart leap into his throat. “So they did track us here?”

“They did, but my girl led them into a trap; she was the only survivor. That being said, I’m sure it won’t be long before someone else from the First Order comes snooping.”

She’s right; if a First Order vessel went down in pursuit, it’s only a matter of time before a retrieval party comes after them. 

“We were on our way out,” Han tells her. 

“Back to the Resistance?”

Han glances at Ben questioningly.

There’s no real reason for them to go back to the Resistance base; they’ve rallied their allies and rustled up supplies. If Ben goes back, he’ll be Ben Solo, Hero of the Resistance...and Kylo Ren to Finn and Rose. He doesn’t think he can handle that. What’s more, he doesn’t think he can handle seeing Finn looking at Rey, angry because she chose Kylo Ren over him. 

But then, where do they go? 

Somewhere quiet. Out of the way. Someplace he can teach Rey the ways of the Force--the dark, and the light, and the places in between. It should be a planet with kyber crystals so she can construct her own lightsaber. 

“Actually,” he says, deciding suddenly, “we’re going to Dantooine.”

He can feel Han’s surprise, but his father nods and says, “Yeah, we’re going to Dantooine.”

_ Dantooine? _ Chewie barks in surprise.

“Yes, Dantooine!” Han says irritably. 

Maz raises an eyebrow, then shrugs. “Okay. I’m headed for Ajan Kloss, to rendezvous with the Resistance.”

“I’ll come with you,” Lando says. “Jannah should be there by now.”

That makes Ben feel better, knowing Jannah is headed for the Resistance base. She’ll be safe there; or as safe as anyone can be anymore.

After they’ve said their goodbyes and piled into their respective ships, Ben helps Rey out of her many layers, stowing them in the wardrobe for what he hopes will be a very long time. 

“What’s on Dantooine?” she asks.

He gives her a small smile. “You need a teacher. I can show you the ways of the Force.”

Her eyes widen. “Really?”

He kisses her forehead. “For you, sweetheart? Anything.”


	16. Chapter 16

Rey’s feet carry her over dirt and humus, her movements so light that she hardly stirs the ground. Around her, the morning mists are parting, the woods filling with birdsong as the winged creatures wake. There’s still a slight chill in the air, but she hardly feels it against her skin. All she can feel is the thrum of her heart and the first beads of sweat.

She reaches the ravine, and not a moment too soon, for the threatening whir of the practice droid sounds nearby. She pulls on her helmet and draws her lightsaber, using the double-bladed saber to block the practice droid’s stinging shots as her feet move nimbly over the thick rope. When she reaches the other side, she tears off the helmet and races into the woods, still blocking the practice droid’s shots. Her feet carry her up the trunk of a tree; she grips a branch with one hand, using the other to slice off the end of a red ribbon. She drops to the ground a moment before the ribbon, catching it in her hand before continuing the obstacle course.

A log hangs halfway over a second ravine; she runs and then leaps, pulling on the Force to carry her the rest of the way over. She lands in a graceful crouch, tumbling to her feet and running through the woods as the droid follows in hot pursuit.

The droid disappears for a moment; she keeps her attention skyward, waiting for its descent. She never notices the little bastard settling quietly on the ground, right in her path. She trips and falls on the ground, shouting when it circles her with a victorious round of blows. She leaps to her feet, trying to deflect the shots with her saber, but the little bugger is fast, and she’s growing steadily more irritated.

Suddenly, the droid shivers in the air; Rey tenses, waiting, but instead of attacking her, it zooms into the nearest tree, lodging itself firmly in the wood.

She turns around just in time to block a blue lightsaber.

“Show-off.”

“You could do the same thing,” Ben points out, stepping back and twirling his blade. 

“That’s cheating.” She takes a step back too, spinning her saber in wide circles that stop only when his blade comes arcing towards hers. She blocks his blow with one end, using the other to make him duck to the side. He retreats; seizing the upper hand, she tears after him, spinning her double-bladed saber in a golden whirl of light. Blue meets yellow again and again, the blades hissing whenever they touch. 

The double-bladed saber had been Leia’s idea, one she’d planted in Rey’s head on Ahch-To. When she’d told Ben, he’d smiled softly. 

“I have an idea,” he’d said. “Let me think about it.”

The concept was his design, but the final product is all Rey’s. It can be two lightsabers running parallel to each other, or one long saberstaff. She likes the versatility of it, and even Ben has agreed that it will give her an added advantage against her opponents. So far, he’s her only opponent, and though he nearly always wins their spars, she’s getting better. He’s taught her all the forms, but what’s more, he’s taught her how to read an opponent. She takes her cues from the flit of his eyes, the flex of his muscles, the direction his body shifts before he makes a move. Sure, she sometimes gets her Makashi and Ataru confused, but she figures it won’t matter what form her opponent is using so long as she can beat them.

She’s nearly gotten Ben to yield when he surprises her by deactivating his blade, turning on his heel, and running. She yelps, tearing after him. She runs up a slanted tree and into the high branches, dropping down on the ground in front of him.

“Ow!” she shouts, grabbing her ankle.

“Rey?” He throws himself on the ground beside her, immediately reaching for her ankle.

She knocks him onto the ground, climbing atop him and igniting her saber over his throat. “I win,” she says triumphantly.

He gapes up at her; then, he breaks into a grin. “Look who’s cheating now.”

“It’s not cheating if you use an opponent’s vulnerabilities against them,” she says airily. 

“You ever heard of the boy who cried loth-wolf?”

She cocks her head, curious. “No.”

“He was supposed to be watching a herd of shaak, but he was bored. So he cried that there was a loth-wolf, just for fun. Everyone came running, but when they got there, they saw there was no loth-wolf, and they scolded him and left. Sometime later, the boy was bored again, so he cried loth-wolf like before, and like before, the villagers came running, but again there was no loth-wolf.”

She can feel his hands on her hips, thumbs stroking her softly, but she wants to hear the rest of the story.

“Well, later that day, a loth-wolf wandered into the field and started eating the shaak. The boy cried for help, but the villagers thought it was another prank, so they ignored him. Do you know what the loth-wolf did?”

She shakes her head, gasping when Ben neatly flips them over. Her saber is still at his throat, but now he’s the one pinning her to the ground. 

“The loth-wolf ate the boy.”

He deactivates the blade, tossing it aside right before he swoops down to claim his prize. 

Rey melts against him, content to let him have this victory. He kisses the sweat from her skin, his fingers tracing the lines of her breasts and pinching her nipples. She gasps, arching against him; she can feel him grin against her lips, deepening their kiss. 

Her hands slide down his torso before tugging at the waistband of his pants. She tugs until she can wrap her hand around him, eliciting a shuddering gasp. 

“Ben,” she whispers, giving him one slow stroke. “I want to tell you something.”

“What?” he asks hoarsely.

She presses her lips to his ear. “I still win.” And with that, she bucks him off of her, grabbing her saber and scrambling to her feet.

“Oh, I’m gonna get you for this,” he swears, but she’s already tearing out of there, laughing maniacally. Even with her headstart, it’s not long before she hears his heavy footsteps pounding after her. She’s still cackling when the  _ Falcon _ comes into view; she puts on a burst of speed, evading him just as he’s about to catch up to her.

Han and Chewie are outside, turning this morning’s hunt over a spit; they smile knowingly as Rey thunders past them and up the ramp, screaming in delight when Ben closes in on her. Big arms wrap around her waist, swinging her off the ground and in a circle as she kicks and flails helplessly. 

“You’re mine,” he growls in her ear, and she goes limp, or as limp as she can while still shaking with laughter. He carries her into the refresher, where they make quick work of their clothes; as soon as the water is running, he lifts her again, pinning her against the wall. Instinctively, her arms and legs wrap around him.

“Now,” he says roughly, poised just beneath her. “Who won?”

“You did,” she breathes obediently.

“That’s right, Rey.” And he slides inside her.

It’s a good thing Han and Chewie are outside, because Rey is sure the sound she makes could be heard from anywhere on the ship. Hell, maybe Han and Chewie did hear, but they must be used to it by now. She’s not so foolish as to believe she and Ben are as quiet at night as they try to be, and the obstacle course isn’t that far from the  _ Falcon _ , and the woods  _ do _ echo…

Ben fucks her until she  _ knows _ Han and Chewie can hear it outside; by the time she finishes, she’s limp and exhausted. She leans heavily against Ben when he sets her down, and despite the rough way he’d fucked her only moments ago (or perhaps because of it), he washes her hair oh-so tenderly. 

“You’re getting better,” he murmurs, fingers combing through her hair. 

She looks up at him, blinking against the water. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He gives her hair a small tug. “Your form is still sloppy, but you’re getting better.”

“Thanks,  _ Master. _ ”

He gives her hair another tug before resuming his methodic grooming. 

Washing her hair every day seems excessive to Rey, but a hot shower feels amazing after a morning spent in the obstacle course, especially if it’s one with Ben. This is how people on other planets live, she supposes. She still has a hard time viewing water as anything other than a luxury, but perhaps in time she’ll come to see it as a normal part of her life, something that she deserves rather than earns.

“How many other people are trained in the Force?” she asks.

“In the galaxy? I don’t know. There are pockets of them here and there, but most of them have died out. Snoke was like Palpatine in that he wanted Force sensitive beings killed so as not to present a threat.”

“Where did Snoke learn the Force?”

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

She bites her lip. She should know better than to ask, but she can’t help her curiosity. Just as Luke Skywalker is the last of the Jedi, Snoke is the last of the Sith, or something like them. He must have learned it all somewhere. Had he been a Jedi once, like Darth Vader? Or had he been trained in secret, like Palpatine? Who was he before he became the Supreme Leader? 

Ben sighs. “I don’t know where he learned the Force because he never told me. He was always secretive about his past. I was...enthralled. I never questioned him; I only took what he said as fact. When he said he knew the ways of the Force, I didn’t ask how. When he offered to teach me more, I didn’t ask who taught him.”

“I understand,” she says softly, an assurance that he doesn’t have to say anything else if he doesn’t want to.

He sags in relief, pressing his forehead to hers. 

She touches his cheek. “Do you still hear him?”

“Sometimes,” he admits. “It’s like he’s...testing my walls for weak spots. Trying to see what makes it inside. I don’t notice it as much when I’m with you.”

She presses closer to him, stroking his hair. “We’ll defeat him someday. I know it.”

“Yeah. Someday.”

Truth be told, Rey doesn’t know how they’ll ever defeat Snoke. She may be getting better, but she’s still woefully unskilled, and Snoke wields a power over Ben that could easily be their undoing. 

_ If only Luke wasn’t so selfish. _

It isn’t the first time she’s had the angry thought. Luke faced Snoke in single combat after the destruction of the temple and walked away unharmed while Snoke was left deformed. If Luke were to come out of hiding and face Snoke again, with Ben and Rey behind him...well, they might have a solid chance of defeating the Supreme Leader. 

But Luke will never leave the safety of his island, and Ben will remain in constant fear of Snoke, and until Rey is strong enough, she won’t be able to face Snoke on her own, so on the war must continue.

Sometimes they get pieces of news from the Resistance; a raid here, a skirmish there, small victories that are starting to add up. They still don’t have the power to take down the First Order, but they’re proving to be more than just a ragtag group of nuisances. 

After they shower, Rey and Ben dress in clean clothes and head out to join Han and Chewie for breakfast. Neither of them says anything, but one look at their faces tells Rey they heard exactly what she thinks they did.

The bird is nice and greasy with fat; they load it onto plates, tearing off chunks of meat and sopping up the grease with hardtack. 

“Met Gysa while we were hunting,” Han says. Gysa is the only nearby inhabitant--which isn’t saying a lot, since she’s a good five miles away. She is the only other person they’ve met since landing on Dantooine, and they hope to keep it that way. 

He continues, “She said there’s a medic who comes through the area once every six months. She’ll be in East Town tomorrow and three days after that if anyone needs a medic.”

Rey glances at Ben. He gives one short, sharp nod...but it isn’t enough to escape Han’s notice.

“Everything okay?”

“Yes,” she says, turning back to her bird. And everything really is okay, but Rey doesn’t feel like telling Han her reason for wanting a medic. 

A few weeks ago, she’d had the worst period of her life. They’d never been fun before, exactly, but this one kept her curled up in bed and crying. She and Ben had eventually figured out that, now that she isn’t malnourished and her body isn’t in constant survival mode, her periods are normal...and normal is a pain in the fucking ass. Ben told her she should just need a chip like the one he has, and that should stop the periods. She hadn’t expected to find one on Dantooine, but maybe the medic has something that could help. 

After breakfast, Rey and Ben wander out to a different part of the woods, near the stream where they get most of their water. The pair sit across from each other, legs crossed and hands lax. Together, they close their eyes and slip into a meditative trance.

Rey is bad at meditating. She knows she is. Sitting still for a long period of time and trying to focus is hard for someone so used to moving. It was worse when they would try to find a quiet place; every bird call, every rustle, every shift of the wind would distract her. Ben finally figured out that if she could focus on the rushing water, she could pull herself into an uninterrupted meditation.

He’s a good teacher, but that doesn’t surprise her. He’s good at finding her weak points, and the strong ones. He isn’t hard on her, nor does he go easy; he challenges Rey at every turn, and at the same time, lets her know when she’s doing well. Sometimes, she has the (very, very private) thought that he should start a temple of his own and teach others in the ways of the Force. He knows the light and the dark, and he knows the good and the bad aspects of both. He’d be an unbiased teacher, one who would never condemn his students for a perceived weakness. 

_ And I could help him. _

She’s had that thought from time to time. They’ve never really talked about it, but they seem to have an unspoken agreement that they will never be apart. If he was a teacher, she would teach alongside him.

But that’s a long way in the future, if it ever happens. If the war is ever won. If they ever defeat Snoke.

“Your mind is racing.”

She huffs. “Aren’t you supposed to be meditating?”

“It would be easier if your thoughts weren’t so loud.”

She opens her eyes. His are still closed, but she can feel his awareness of her. “What did you hear?”

“I didn’t hear specifics, just that you were thinking. Loudly.” He opens his eyes too now. “You need to focus.”

“I’m  _ trying. _ ” She gestures to herself. “Look at me, trying.”

His mouth twitches. “A valiant attempt, but you’re letting outside thoughts distract you. Close your eyes.”

She huffs again but does as he says. 

“Touch the earth.”

She does, the wood chips and soil cool against her fingers. 

“Now reach out.”

She does. She feels life and death, warm and cold, light and dark, day and night, young and old. She feels the balance of the Force, an energy that flows through her and through every living being on this planet. She lets her awareness sink deep within, finding the smooth core at the center of her awareness. She focuses on that smooth core until it is all she knows. 

She holds herself there for a long time. Gradually, she feels a stirring around her, and she slips slowly away from the smooth core. When she opens her eyes, she finds herself floating gently to the ground.

Ben looks pleased. “That was good. Very good. The longest you’ve ever meditated, I think.”

“It’s still boring,” she tells him, but she feels calmer now. More attuned to her surroundings and herself. 

He pulls her to her feet, and together, they walk back to the  _ Falcon _ . 

“The village is seven miles away. That’s a long walk.”

“I know,” he says. “But it’ll be worth it if you don’t have to be in pain next time.”

She feels a rush of affection for him. “What you said earlier, about the loth-wolf...you don’t mean that, do you?”

He glances down at her. “What do you mean?”

She looks down at their joined hands, trying to find the words to explain. “Even if I faked being hurt a hundred times, you’d still check on me a hundred times in case it was the one time I was really hurt.”

His gaze softens. “I would.”

She squeezes his hand. “I love you, Ben.”

He kisses her hand, his eyes never leaving hers. “I know.”


	17. Chapter 17

In the morning, Ben and Rey forgo their usual lap around the obstacle course to walk the seven miles to East Town. It’s a two hour walk, and they stop halfway there to eat a light breakfast before continuing on their way. 

Ben doesn’t mind the walk; when he isn’t talking to Rey, he’s deep in thought, considering her training and what exactly he plans to do once she’s completed it.

Not that anyone ever really completes their training, but there will come a point when he has nothing left to teach Rey, and then what? They march on the First Order, storm the  _ Supremacy, _ and kill Snoke? In the back of his mind, he suspects that that’s what Rey wants to do, even though he’s explained the logistics to her and laid out why, exactly, that’s a ridiculous plan. 

But at the same time, it’s the  _ only _ plan. 

The Resistance has gained more ships, recruits, resources, and allies than Ben thought possible in so short a time...and at the same time, they are still no match for the First Order, and they never will be. The First Order learned from the mistakes of the Empire and built a new regime on top of the old; the Resistance, on the other hand, faces more setbacks than the Rebellion ever did. At the rate they’re going, they’ll never hope to accomplish more than annoying the First Order the same way a gnat might annoy a person; sooner or later, they’ll get squashed.

He doesn’t like to think about it, but at the same time, it’s all he can think about sometimes. While he’s here in the middle of nowhere with Rey and his father and Chewie, his mother and hundreds of others are risking their lives to do as much damage as possible to an army that could destroy them at any second. 

_ This isn’t my fight, _ he tries to tell himself, but the words ring hollow even to him. One side or the other will win, and who wins will determine how he spends the rest of his life. It will determine how he spends his life with Rey...and their children.

.

East Town is easily one of the smallest towns Ben has ever visited, and he’s visited lots of small towns. There are only a handful of buildings, a small line of stores, a dining hall, and a cantina, and next to that is a white tent that Ben has never seen before. Two benches have been set up beside it, and a handful of people are sitting on them. This, he assumes, is the line for the medic.

They give him and Rey odd looks, but he ignores them. Most of the people who live in the area have known each other since birth, and this isn’t the sort of place people voluntarily move to, so their suspicion doesn’t surprise him; he only hopes it doesn’t make them ask too many questions. 

Not that they’d know what to do if they uncovered his true identity. He doubts anyone on Dantooine knows what’s happening in the rest of the galaxy. 

They sit on a bench to wait for the medic. She comes in and out over the next hour, bringing the villagers in and out of her tent. She’s a hard-faced woman, but Ben senses a vulnerability in her. A kindness. Perhaps it’s because she comes all the way out here to help people for what he imagines is little to no money; an unkind woman wouldn’t do something like that.

Rey is dozing against his shoulder when the medic finally comes to bring her in. He wakes her gently, nodding at the medic. Rey yawns and gets up. 

“I only see one patient at a time,” the woman says when he starts to follow.

Ben and Rey glance at each other. He knows she’s afraid, but at the same time, he understands the medic’s logic. She’s probably seen her fair share of people who aren’t as kind to their partners as he is to Rey, especially in remote places like this. Rey may be nervous, but he isn’t about to make a scene and draw more suspicion over them.

_ It’s okay, _ he tells her.  _ Reach out if you need me. _

She swallows and nods, following the medic inside her tent. 

He sits patiently, waiting and ready in case she reaches out with the Force. He can feel her prod, making sure he’s still there.

_ I’m not leaving, _ he soothes.

Rey comes out of the tent not long after, her upper arm slightly inflamed but otherwise looking unhurt and unafraid.

“The irritation should go away in an hour or so,” the medic says. “I’ll be here tomorrow and the day after if it doesn’t stop.”

Ben thanks her and pays her in credits. The medic looks at him mysteriously, but once he’s finished she turns to the next waiting patient. 

“Ready?”

Rey looks wistfully at the dining hall but nods, taking his hand and heading back for their camp. As tempting as the dining hall might be, they’re all trying to avoid the village as much as possible. Again, not that Ben thinks anyone would know who he was or know how to inform on him, but you can never be too careful. 

The walk back feels even longer than the walk there, but Ben doesn’t mind; he’s content to be with Rey. They have to take it slow because the implant is bothering her, giving her cramps as her body adjusts to it; he ends up giving her a piggyback ride for the last leg of the journey, and even though they’re both sweaty and tired, he likes taking care of her.

Han and Chewie have lunch going by the time they return; Han has a strange sort of smile on his face, almost as if he knows something.

“How was the medic?” he asks in an emphatic attempt at nonchalance.

“Fine. What’s for lunch?”

“Chewie made a grass and mushroom stew he swears is good, but…” Han throws his best friend a wry look. Chewie barks at him to shut up as he stirs the pot.

“We can get you something else if you want.”

“I’m starving, I’ll eat anything,” Rey declares as Ben sinks into a chair. She curls up in his lap, hands over her belly; Ben rests his hands over hers, hoping the warmth helps with her cramps. 

“Well, eat up,” Han declares, ladling some stew into a bowl and handing it to her. “Have seconds, if you want.”

Han is acting weird, but Ben can’t put his finger on why. He’s always nice to Rey, but today he seems...solicitous. 

In fact, he keeps watching her as they eat. At first Ben thinks he’s imagining it, but Han offers to refill her bowl and bring her water until even Rey is nonplussed.

“Han, are you okay?” 

“What? I’m fine! How are  _ you _ , Rey?” he asks eagerly. “Tired? Nauseous?”

“Okay,  _ what _ is going on?” Ben finally asks. 

It’s Chewie who answers.  _ He thinks Rey’s pregnant. _

Ben gapes, and then realizes that it’s not the worst assumption to make, actually. He and Rey  _ have _ been having sex for two months now, and they had gone off to the medic without explaining why,  _ and _ she’s been sensitive with her stomach because of the implant. 

“I’m not pregnant,” Rey says, stupefied.

Han’s face immediately falls. “You’re not?”

“No! I…” Rey glances at Ben for back-up.

He clears his throat. “She didn’t have the contraceptive implant.”

“Oh.” Han looks incredibly disappointed. 

“Did you... _ want _ her to be pregnant?” Ben asks, realizing as soon as he speaks it aloud.

Han shrugs, looking embarrassed. “No, of course not…”

“Dad.”

“I just would have liked some grandkids, that’s all.” Han is red-faced now. “And I’m not trying to  _ tell you _ to have kids or anything, I just...got carried away.”

It surprises Ben to learn that his father wants to be a grandfather so badly. He really has changed from the man Ben knew as a child, and that isn’t a bad thing.

“We will have them someday,” Rey soothes. “Just not yet.”

Every time Ben thinks about those children, something stirs inside him. It’s a kind of happy sadness, a yearning he doesn’t have the words to describe. He already loves these children, even though it may be years before he gets to meet them. He’ll try to be a good father...and his own father will try to be a good grandfather, the kind Ben never had.

The thought makes him more emotional than he was prepared for. 

Han looks cheered by the prospect of eventual grandchildren. “Oh, well...good. Good.” He clears his throat. “Anyone want seconds?”

_ I told you it was good, _ Chewie declares smugly.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t get cocky.”

.

Later, when they take a shower together, Rey wonders, “When do you think it will happen?”

“What?”

“Children.”

That yearning stirs inside him again. He wraps his arms around her, burying his face in her damp hair. “I don’t know. After the war.”

“Yeah.” She traces his knuckles. “But how long will that take? The Resistance can barely hold its own. The only way to take down the First Order--”

“--is to take down Snoke. I know.” He sighs. “But who’s going to do it?”

“Me,” she tells him fiercely. 

He huffs into her hair. “You? By yourself?”

“If I have to. I’m not afraid of Snoke.”

He tightens his arms around her. “You should be.”

She turns in his arms, looking up at him. “Maybe you’re right. But I love you more than I fear Snoke. More than I fear anyone. I want to defeat Snoke not because I hate him, but because I love you. Because I want you to feel safe and happy, and I want our children to grow up safe and happy.”

He kisses her deeply, overcome with emotion.  _ I want that too, _ he tells her, finding it easier to project the words than to speak them. 

“Then teach me,” she whispers. “Teach me everything you know so that I can defeat him.”

“What do you think I’ve been doing the last two months?”

“Go harder on me,” she insists. “You’re a good teacher, and you’re patient, but I want to learn more.”

He smiles. “Don’t take this the wrong way...but you would have made an excellent darksider.”

“The dark side?” Her eyes are wide with surprise.

“Jedi don’t hunger the way that you do.”

She bites her lip before speaking the words aloud. “Will you teach me the dark side?”

He’s quiet for a long moment.

“Yes.”

.

He and Rey sit across from each other in the middle of the woods. He knows she can’t focus well with so many distractions...and that’s exactly why he chose this spot. 

“Do you want to know the real difference between the dark side and the light?”

She looks at him expectantly.

“Emotion. The Jedi believed that emotions were beneath them. It was one of their tenets.  _ There is no emotion, only peace.  _ Infants were taken from their homes and raised to ignore all emotion, to have no attachments, feel no anger, seek no revenge. It’s part of why my grandfather turned to the dark side; he was older than most children when he was taken in as a padawan learner, and he had not been raised the same way as the other children.” Ben breathes deeply. “The dark side believes that emotion is the essence of power. Grief, loss, pain, anger, hatred, even love...all forbidden by the Jedi because of the energy they create. My grandfather turned to the dark side to protect his wife and their unborn child; when he lost them and was left to die by his closest friend, there was no turning back to the light for him.”

“But that’s bad, isn’t it?” Rey furrows her brow. “I mean...he was miserable, wasn’t he?”

“He was,” Ben acknowledges. “And that’s why he was so strong with the Force. He didn’t ignore his pain and his anger and his grief. He didn’t stop mourning my grandmother and their child. He felt these emotions so intensely that it fueled everything he did. When you were on the island with my mother, she pulled you from the cave in your mind, didn’t she?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

She thinks for a moment. “She said...I was opening up to the dark side, that it...exploits our weaknesses.”

“Does it exploit your weaknesses?” he counters. “Or did it allow you to feel?”

She frowns in thought. “Well...I guess...it allowed me to feel. But how does that make sense? Why is learning the truth...dark?”

“How did you feel when you realized the truth? When I told you on the  _ Falcon _ ?”

She considers. “Hurt. Angry. Sad.”

He nods encouragingly. “Having the answers you’ve always wanted would have led to emotion. There is no peace in being hurt or angry or sad.”

“So it wasn’t wrong? It was just...not the Jedi way?”

“ _ Exactly. _ Feeling isn’t wrong, wanting answers isn’t wrong...it just isn’t the Jedi way.”

“Okay…” she says slowly, processing, “but the dark side...it isn’t the  _ better _ way, is it?”

“Explain.”

She huffs, and he knows she hates when he makes her do this, but it always helps her answer her own questions. “Well, like your grandfather, for instance. All of his power came from negative feelings, things he had to rehash over and over and over. He was allowed to feel things, yes, but he wasn’t allowed to let  _ go _ of them, either. He was a prisoner to his own pain. And you were the same way; you turned to the dark side because you felt alone and like you were never allowed to be anything else.”

_ “Yes. _ This is the essence of the Force, Rey. There is no light without dark, and there is no dark without light. One cannot exist without the other.”

She frowns. “So what is the answer, then? Which is the right side?”

“Neither. Or both. Depends on how you look at it.” When she looks even more annoyed, he explains, “There are--or were--those who used the Force but did not ascribe to the dark or the light side. They were not afraid of the dark side, nor did they believe in the rigid lifestyle of the Jedi. They understood that the Force is strongest when light and dark coexist. We called them Gray Jedi, though I suppose ‘Jedi’ is a loose term.” He hesitates. “There is a very old prophecy about a Chosen One who would restore balance to the Force. The Jedi believed it was my grandfather. People later believed it was my uncle. But there was no balance with them. My grandfather was a Sith lord who turned to the light in his dying moments. My uncle has always been a Jedi. That isn’t balance; it’s one extreme or the other.”

Rey understands. “So you think the Chosen One is one of these Gray Jedi...someone who understands the light and dark exist in harmony and will put an end to the Jedi and the Sith?”

“I do.” He’s never told anyone that before. Who would he have told? Luke wouldn’t have understood, as afraid of the dark side as he was, and Snoke...Snoke would have laughed. But Rey understands. He can see that she does. She isn’t laughing or afraid; she’s listening to him and considering him.

“When you said I would have made an excellent darksider…” she says slowly.

“You are driven by emotion. I think you could be a strong Gray Jedi...but first you have to understand the light  _ and _ the dark.”

“Okay. So teach me.”

He nods. “Close your eyes. Hands in your lap. Now reach out.”

She does so tentatively, unused to keeping her hands in her lap when he normally urges her to touch the ground. 

“What do you feel?”

“I feel…” Her brow furrows. “Nothing.”

“What do you hear?”

“Birds,” she says at once. “Twigs snapping. Leaves rustling. The wind.”

“How do you feel?”

“Bored,” she admits. “Stiff. Sore.”

“Focus on that,” he urges. 

She cracks an eye open. “But...you always tell me to ignore my surroundings.”

“That was when you were training in the light. Be aware of your surroundings. Focus on every sound, every feeling, every emotion.”

She closes her eyes again, following his instructions. He can see her chest rise and fall, her pulse racing as this new energy fills her. 

“Good,” he murmurs, getting up. He puts her training helmet over her head, blocking out her vision before he helps her to her feet. He presses her lightsaber into her hands. “Now. Focus on that energy. Let it swell until it’s all you know.”

She does, her breath coming harder as the emotion rolls off of her in waves. He steps back, igniting his own lightsaber. It only takes half a heartbeat for her to understand, igniting her saber and getting into a defensive stance. 

His first few thrusts are more experimental than anything, but it doesn’t take her long to advance, forcing him into a retreat as she swings her blades. He can feel the dark side pulsing through her, guiding her every movement. He blocks her blows, and even when he attempts to force her into a retreat, he finds that he has to fight to gain any ground.

_ She’s strong with the dark side. _ He’d known she would be, but watching her is a marvel. The forms she struggled with for weeks come naturally to her now, her movements somehow both sharp and fluid. 

It ends when she waves her hand, attempting to block his blade; instead, she sends him flying backwards until he slams into a tree. He grunts, the wind knocked out of him as he sinks to the ground. 

Dimly, he is aware of his name being called, and Rey throwing off the helmet and rushing to him. It takes him a long moment to come back to himself, and when he does, he realizes that Rey is crying.

“I’m okay,” he rasps. He puts his arms around her, just to show her he’s okay. 

She melts against him, sobbing. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I’m so sorry…”

“It’s okay.” He tightens his arms around her. “This is the lesson I was trying to teach. You would never have been able to achieve that so quickly with the light side. The dark allows you to do things you couldn’t with the light...but there is no moderation. That’s why there has to be a balance.”

She huffs into his shoulder. “I could’ve killed you and you’re still lecturing me?”

“It’ll take a lot more than knocking the wind out of me to kill me.” He pulls back. “I’m okay. Really.”

She still looks troubled. “I don’t like it. Who I was just now. The...lack of control.”

“It can be overwhelming,” he agrees. “I won’t make you do it again if you don’t want to. I just wanted you to understand it.”

They climb to their feet, he a little more slowly than her because of the pain in his back. It will turn into a nasty bruise later, he’s sure. 

“So,” she asks as they walk back to the ship, “you think the Chosen One is a Gray Jedi?”

“I’m not sure,” he admits. “It makes the most sense to me, but that doesn’t mean it’s the right answer. Maybe the Chosen One isn’t any one person.”

“But they’re the Chosen  _ One _ ,” she points out.

“The Chosen One was a prophecy regarding three mythical figures; the Father, the Son, and the Daughter. In the event of an imbalance between the two, the Father would seek out the Chosen One to restore balance.” He shrugs, wincing at the spasm of pain the movement brings. “The Son and the Daughter represent the dark side and the light, the Father represents the Force itself. If these weren’t real people, but just personifications of the elements, why couldn’t the Chosen One be a personification too? Why does it have to be a person who rules in favor of the Daughter, or the Son?”

She considers this. “So the Chosen One could be...the Gray Jedi, for instance? A truce between the two?”

“Exactly.”

She shakes her head. “I still think it’s a person.”

He smiles. “You’re entitled to that opinion.” Not for the first time, he wonders who the Chosen One really is, if it’s anyone at all.

.

Rey helps him ice his back on the  _ Falcon, _ apologizing over and over until he forbids her from doing it again. Even after she lies down beside him, holding her tongue, he can feel the remorse rolling off of her.

“It happens,” he murmurs softly. “I’ve had worse.”

“Really?”

He nods. “I’ve had bruises, cuts, broken bones.”

“Broken bones!”

“It happens,” he says again. “And I didn’t have anyone to take care of me after. This is nothing.”

Her eyes flicker. He knows that she, more than anyone, understands what it’s like to tend your wounds in isolation, to push through the pain because you don’t have the time or ability to feel sorry for yourself. And he knows that she, more than anyone, understands how different it feels to let someone else take care of you, to know that even if there isn’t much they can do, the fact that they’re there at all is enough.

“I love you,” he murmurs.

“I know.”

.

He wakes hours later, groggy from being woken too suddenly. Instinctively, he knows it’s late at night. Rey is stirring beside him, and Han and Chewie are still asleep. Something had woken him, but what--

He sits up. He knows that presence. Outside, lurking.

He climbs over Rey and out of the bunk.

“Ben?”

“It’s alright,” he lies. “I’ll be right back.”

She frowns, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing, just stay here.” He presses a kiss to her head.

“Ben…”

“Stay here.” 

He takes his lightsaber and pads to the ramp. They close it at night to keep out unwanted visitors, and Ben opens it now, gripped with dread. He knows who’s waiting for him outside. The question is, what will they do?

Taking a deep breath, he walks down the ramp, gripping his saber. His bare feet touch the cool dirt and grass, the earth pulsing with energy. With a warning.

It’s Ap’lek who strikes first.

Ben is used to Ap’lek and his fondness for feints and deception; he dodges the first strike, knowing that even as he ignites his saber and swings it, he’s cutting through a vision, not the real Ap’lek.

Sure enough, Ap’lek’s cold laughter sounds from his other side; Ben ducks, thrusting with his saber until the knight stumbles back in surprise. 

He feels Ushar reach out with the Force. Luke had always said that the Knights of Ren wielded the Force like a hammer, blunt and crushing and completely lacking in skill. Ben sees that now more than ever as he raises a hand, crushing Ushar’s throat.

“Enough!”

He loosens his grip just enough to keep Ushar alive, eyes flickering to the other five knights. He can feel their anger...and their fear. As skilled as they all are, they are no match for him, and they know it. 

“How did you find me?” he demands.

“Let him go, Kylo.”

He tightens his grip again, Ushar’s legs thrashing as he grips the invisible hand around his throat. “Let’s try this again. How. Did. You. Find. Me.”

“The medic,” Vicrul snaps. “She sold you out. Let him go.”

Ben does, Ushar dropping to the ground with a thud. The knight tears off his mask, gasping for breath.

“What do you want?”

“We  _ want _ to know why our master abandoned us.” Cardo steps forward. “First we hear that you were killed in the destruction of Starkiller base. Then we hear you were on the  _ Supremacy. Then _ we hear from a medic desperate for credits that you’re hiding out here on Dantooine. Now we find you on your father’s ship. What’s going on, Kylo?”

He looks around at the six of them. No one can ever walk away from the Knights of Ren. No one ever has, not without paying for it later. To admit he left them and turned from the dark side would be to sign his own death warrant.

And yet…

“I left,” he says nonchalantly.

“Why?”

“I was bored.” He shrugs lazily. “I was tired of bowing to Snoke.”

“We would have left with you,” Trudgen points out. “You are our master, we would have followed you.”

He pushes forward with the Force, reading Trudgen’s mind. The knight tries valiantly to resist, but Ben is stronger, and he learns the truth of Trudgen’s deception. They are loyal to Snoke, who has given them more riches and power than they could have ever hoped to achieve had they remained rogue knights wandering the galaxy. They aren’t here to follow Ben, they’re here to bring him back to Snoke. 

“You always were terrible at building your defenses,” Ben says lazily, withdrawing from Trudgen’s mind. 

Kuruk makes a noise. “Kylo, please, come back with us. You’ve doubted yourself before, that’s to be expected. Snoke is willing to overlook this transgression. He--”

“Needs me? I know. Oddly, I don’t need him.” Ben jerks his head. “Buzz off. Tell him I’m not coming. Tell him I’m dead, though someone more skilled at deception than Trudgen will have to do it if you want him to believe you. He’ll name one of you my successor. Everyone wins.”

They exchange looks.

“What do you get out of this?” Ap’lek finally asks.

“My freedom,” Ben says bluntly. 

Ushar makes an angry noise, lurching forward, but Vicrul raises an arm, stopping him. “No. The Supreme Leader wants him alive.”

“He  _ wants _ Kylo Ren.”

“And he’ll get Kylo Ren.” Even behind the helmet, Ben can feel Vicrul’s piercing gaze. “Once he’s done playing pretend.”

A noise makes them all start, drawing their weapons; Cardo lurches forward, raising his arm cannon. “Who’s there?”

“No one!”

It’s Rey, he realizes with horror. “Leave her alone,” he orders, far too quickly, standing in front of her to block her from view.

He can feel the knights put two and two together.

“So  _ this _ is why you left!” Kuruk crows. “You didn’t want to be free from Snoke, you just wanted to wet your c--”

Ben squeezes the air, cutting off Kuruk and making the knight reach up to grasp at his throat. “Snoke might want me alive, but I doubt he cares whether or not all six of you return in one piece. Shall we test that theory?”

“You’ve made your point,” Trudgen snaps. “We’ll leave you and your woman, and we’ll tell Snoke you aren’t coming back. Satisfied?”

Ben releases his hold on Kuruk. “For now.” He jerks his head again. “Go.”

The knights disappear into the night, but not before casting derisive looks at him and Rey.

“Ben?”

He blows out a breath. “We have to leave. Now.”


	18. Chapter 18

Rey tries not to feel guilty as they make for Ajan Kloss, but she doesn’t know how else to feel.

They’d searched the ship for trackers again, just in case, but there hadn’t been any. Rey somehow gets the feeling that that doesn’t matter; if the Knights of Ren want to find them again, they will, tracker or no.

Ben had told her to stay on the ship, and she hadn’t listened, because she’d sensed the danger and she wasn’t about to wait on the ship while he could be in trouble. How was she supposed to know that he had it under control? What if he’d needed her? 

But by following him off the ship, she’d ensured that the knights not only know she exists, but know that she means something to Ben, and they are almost certainly going to use that to their advantage later. 

“We would have had to leave anyway.”

She starts, looking up from her lap as Ben sits across from her. He doesn’t look upset. Just...tired. “We would have had to leave Dantooine even if they hadn’t seen you.”

“But they know,” she says quietly. “They know about me. They saw the way you reacted.”

He takes a deep breath, reaching across the table for her hand. “It was only a matter of time before Snoke found out. My defenses are strong, but not impenetrable.” 

Her stomach turns. “What are you saying?”

He’s quiet for a moment. “I’m saying that sometimes he gets through.”

That makes her panic. “How often is sometimes?”

“Not often. He knows I’m alive, he knows I have no intention of going back, and he knows that I’m with people I care about. And now he’ll know I’m with Dad and Chewie...and you.”

She swallows.

“Rey, if it wasn’t you, it would’ve been Dad,” he says gently. “Snoke has figured out by now that I’ve reconciled with my family. He knows he can’t use that against me anymore. So now he has to find a way to get to the people I care about.”

She nods, staring at their hands. “Right.”

“ _ Rey. _ Stop beating yourself up.”

She breathes deeply, nodding again. “Okay. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize.” He squeezes her hand. “You were looking out for me. I can’t be upset about that.”

“I just feel like I can’t do anything right,” she murmurs.

“Stop that.” He moves to sit beside her. “I won’t lie, the situation isn’t ideal, but it’s not a total loss. If Snoke tries to come after you, you’re strong enough in the Force to hold your own. He got into my head before I knew I wasn’t supposed to be hearing his voice; you know what it feels like when someone’s poking around in your head, and you know how to keep them out.”

She does feel slightly better at that. “Well...I guess so.”

“You’re not stupid, Rey. Snoke isn’t going to get to you or me as long as we keep up our defenses.”

She nods, feeling even better. “Right.”

Han enters the common area, looking just as tired as Ben, and Rey feels guilty once more. None of them had gotten a full night’s sleep. 

“We’re almost there,” he reports, taking the seat across from them. 

“Do they know we’re coming?”

“I commed ahead to let them know.”

Rey knows that Ben has no intention of staying on Ajan Kloss longer than necessary; he doesn’t like the attention, and he doesn’t like Finn, even if he won’t admit that to her. Ajan Kloss is only a temporary stay until they find an alternative. They’ve been out of the loop for two months, and a lot can change in two months. They don’t know which worlds are safe and which are crawling with First Order armies, and until they do, they’ll have to stay with the Resistance.

Chewie bellows from the cockpit, and the ship gives a small shudder as they come out of hyperspace. Han, Ben, and Rey go to the cockpit, making planetfall. 

It’s morning on the forest moon, the treetops glimmering in the sunlight. A sentry waves them down, and a small crowd looks up as they land.

Not  _ that _ small, Rey realizes, for the base is much bigger than the last time she saw it. Tents are everywhere, most of them smaller, but there is one enormous tent that she assumes is the command center. There are ships everywhere, too, most of them X-Wings, but here and there she spies a few TIE fighters and freighters. 

Leia is the first to greet them, embracing Han and then Ben. Rey is standing next to him, so she hears when Leia murmurs, “There’s something I need to tell you. In private.”

Ben stiffens. “What is it?”

Leia glances at the people milling about; none of them are very close, so she turns back to Ben and Han. “Luke is here.”

“He’s what?” Han asks sharply.

Ben doesn’t say anything, but Rey can feel a sharp spike of fear from him. She slips her hand into his, giving him a gentle squeeze.

“He got here a couple weeks ago,” Leia continues, glancing at Ben. 

“How?” Ben asks hoarsely. “I thought his X-Wing was sunk.”

She splays her hands helplessly. “He fixed it. He felt awful after...well, after we left. He came here to help us.”

“To  _ help _ you?” Ben’s voice becomes angry. Rey squeezes his hand again.

Leia looks pained. “We’ve gained so many allies since he arrived. He’s a legend, and with him giving the Resistance his support, people who might not have joined us before have gotten the courage to do it. I don’t deny that things between us are...complicated,” she adds, seeing the look on Ben’s face. “I can never fully forgive him for what he did. But at the same time, I could never fully forgive myself if I turned him away when his presence has helped the Resistance so much.”

Rey can feel the conflict in Ben, torn between wanting to cut down his uncle and knowing that this is bigger than the two of them. 

“We weren’t planning on staying long,” Rey says at last, deciding to spare Ben the struggle of having to choose whether or not to share the base with his uncle. “We just needed to get away from Dantooine. Is there another planet we know is safe?”

“What happened on Dantooine?” Leia asks, looking between the four of them.

Han glances at Ben. “Ah...some of Ben’s...friends from the dark side found us.”

Leia’s face hardens. “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” Ben grunts. “I’m not staying here, Mom.”

“I know. I’m sorry; if I’d known you were coming sooner, I would have mentioned it.” Leia wrings her hands. “I could give you an...errand, if you want. Just to get you away from here for a little bit.”

“What is it?”

She takes a deep breath. “We recently acquired some...unexpected credits, which we would like to use to purchase ships, weapons, the like. There aren’t many neutral places left in the galaxy, but there are places where loyalty doesn’t matter so long as you have enough money.” 

“Like?”

“Canto Bight.”

Ben and Han glance at each other. 

“I know you aren’t...fully aligned with the Resistance,” Leia adds quickly. “But that’s why I thought it might be a good opportunity. You’re used to these sorts of people. Hell, you might even know some of them.” She glances at the base. “And quite frankly, I don’t think a lot of my people know how to schmooze.”

“Well...I’d be okay with that,” Han says slowly, glancing at his son. “Ben? Whaddya think?”

Ben is quiet for a long moment. Then, “Okay.”

Leia relaxes. “Thank you. Give me half an hour to put everything together.”

“I’ll come with you,” Han offers. 

“I’ll stay with the ship.” Ben heads back inside; hand still attached, Rey follows. He’s breathing hard, his pulse racing as he fights for control of his emotions. 

She stops him in the common room, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her head to his chest. “Breathe,” she urges, rubbing his back. “Just breathe.”

He does, his breath shaky as he inhales and exhales. Gradually, his breathing becomes less harsh and his heartbeat slows. His arms tremble when they wrap around her, but she knows he’s calmer now.

“I hate him,” he croaks.

“I know. I’m so sorry.” And she is. She’s so sorry that they left the Knights of Ren only to nearly encounter Luke. She’s sorry that the one place they were able to rely on is no longer safe. She’s sorry that she can’t do anything besides say  _ I’m so sorry. _

“People... _ love him _ .” His voice cracks. “They don’t  _ understand. _ ”

“They don’t,” she agrees. “They don’t know the truth. Ben, if you don’t want to go to Canto Bight...if you want to just run away somewhere, we can go, we don’t have to help your mother or the Resistance--”

He holds her tighter. “No. We’ll go. I can do this. I just…” He takes a shaky breath. “I can’t stay here longer than necessary.”

“I know. We won’t.” She peers up at him. “What’s Canto Bight, anyway?”

His breath is less shaky this time. “It’s an entertainment haven for the wealthiest people in the galaxy. Fathier racing, gambling, cabarets, swanning around in yachts...it’s where rich people go when they’re bored. Many of them are ships and arms dealers, and their only loyalty is to money and whatever system allows them to have the most of it. Most of them will openly support the First Order to remain in its good graces, but they’ll have no problem selling to rebel groups if it means a profit.”

Rey already dislikes the sound of them. “Won’t they sell out you and your dad if they find out who you are, though?”

“I doubt it.” He’s calmer now, distracted by the conversation, just as she’d hoped. “Dad has a reputation as a swindler; they see him as one of them, just...not as successful. Most of them find him a charming buffoon.”

Rey considers that. “And...you?”

“Me?”

“What do they find you?”

“I don’t know,” he says honestly. “It depends. They’d be idiots not to know who my mother is, but if I can let Dad do most of the talking, they probably won’t think too much about it. Honestly, I think they’ll just like the novelty of the Solo boys and their adorable little  _ Millennium Falcon _ too much to really care.”

Rey considers this. “And how do I fit in?”

Ben actually smiles. “I’m sure we’ll think of something.” He leans forward, kissing her. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Distracting me.”

She reaches up to return the kiss. “Anytime.”

“But if you  _ really _ wanted to distract me…”

She gapes up at him. “Seriously?”

“We have half an hour,” he points out.

“More like twenty minutes,” she argues.

He grins. “I can work with that.”

And, well, Rey thinks, why not?


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter around the time the images from the new Dune movie were released, and...you can probably tell lol.

Ben has been to Canto Bight before, with his father and Lando. He’d been little more than a child, watching Lando cheat at sabacc and his dad regale everyone with war stories while they treated Chewie and the  _ Falcon _ like museum exhibits. They’d treated Ben like an amusement, too, delighted by the son of Leia Organa and Han Solo in a casino. Looking back, it  _ had _ been pretty funny.

There’s nothing funny about what they’re doing now, though. This isn’t as simple as winning a few games of sabacc or getting free drinks while telling war stories. This  _ is _ war, and if anyone is even slightly more loyal to the First Order than they are to their bank accounts…

They won’t be. They can’t be. They benefit from selling to the highest bidder, and ratting out potential buyers means limiting the market. No one wants to do business with a rat, after all.

Rey, at the very least, seems excited by the prospect, if a little nervous. 

“It’s going to be...a lot,” he warns her.

“Canto Bight?”

He nods. “It’s...it’s not like anything you’ve seen before.”

“Nothing is like anything I’ve seen before,” she points out.

He huffs out a laugh. “Right, it’s just...you know how you were blown away by Cloud City?”

“Yes…”

“Canto Bight makes Cloud City look like Jakku.”

Her breath catches. “...oh.”

“Yeah.”

.

He was right; as soon as they make planetfall, Rey’s jaw drops. 

Even now, crossing the Sea of Cantonica is a thrilling sight for a weary traveler. At the other end of a glimmering lake, nestled between two mountains, is a glowing paradise. Houses and buildings line the slope; as they get closer, he can make out winding streets and grav-cabs carrying people from one amusement to the next.

Han gets clearance to dock, though it’s not as close to the city as they would like.

“Cheaper this way,” he says in resignation. “And probably safer.” He spins around in his chair once they’ve landed. “Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do. Chewie and I are gonna work the older folks who started their own businesses. You two are gonna work the kids who inherited the family business.”

Ben’s lip curls, but he says, “Fine.”

_ You don’t like them? _ Rey prods.

_ I don’t like any of them, but the younger people are more likely to listen to me than Dad.  _

Honestly, some of the younger people are so vapid that he’d be surprised if they even knew who Han Solo was at all. Maybe they don’t even know the name Ben Solo, something that could either work for or against him.

From the hangar, they take an overpriced grav-cab to the city proper. Strings of lights hang over the streets, and people garbed in swathes of black and white fabric promenade up and down the walkways. Rey is clearly awed by all of them; Ben very nearly has to stop her from pressing her face against the window.

They alight at the casino, the biggest building in Canto Bight. Ben takes Rey’s hand, guiding her through the crowd and into the main room, a multilevel gallery full of people and tables. There’s a bar at the far end; the bartender serves them last, apparently not thinking much of their look. Ben can hardly blame him; everyone else here looks as if they could own several bars, and the  _ Falcon _ ’s crew looks, well...like a ship’s crew.

He can feel Rey’s self-consciousness as crisp suits and flowing gowns pass them. She stares openly, something like dismay in her face as she realizes that she’ll never blend in with people like this.

_ Don’t compare yourself to them, _ he tells her.  _ They wear those nice clothes because they’ve screwed over hundreds, if not thousands, of other people. Look at her.  _ He jerks his head at a woman wearing a glimmering necklace.  _ Those diamonds are extremely rare, and the cost of one is equivalent to the cost of a small moon. The miners that harvest the diamonds use slave labor to mine the diamonds, and because they have to fit into small spaces, they usually make children do it. _

Rey’s unease is for a different reason entirely now.

_ The man beside her was in the news a few years ago for hiring an assassin to kill his business rival. He was acquitted...because he paid off everyone involved in passing judgment. The two women to the left? They were famous singers when I was a boy. They got drunk and tried to take their own speeders to the next party and ended up hitting and killing a small boy and his mother. Their publicist paid off the news outlets not to say anything. They went on to have an illustrious singing career, and almost nobody knows about the boy and his mother. So don’t compare yourself to these people, Rey. They might have nicer clothes, but it’s to hide the ugliness inside. You’re a thousand times better than any of them. _

She looks up at him, her face full of an emotion he can’t quite place. 

.

They split up once Han has paid the tab; he and Chewie in one direction, Rey and Ben in another. 

Ben finds a table of mostly younger people, all of them raucous. They cheer loudly whenever someone wins and laugh comfortingly when someone loses. 

“What is this game?” Rey murmurs.

“It’s called Chandrilan Squares. Each player rolls a set of die across the table. Each square has a numeric value attached to it, and you multiply that value by the number on the dice. If it’s a white square, you earn that value. If it’s a red square, you lose that value. If both dice have the same number, then you double the value. Each player has three turns; you can cash out after only three, or you can stay longer.” 

The dealer hands him the dice; he shakes them around in his hand and then spills them onto the table, giving them a little push with the Force. The dice land on a 5 and 6 in a white square marked ‘30’.

_ Cheater, _ Rey teases.

_ No one said you couldn’t use the Force. _ He grins, accepting the dice from the dealer and rolling them again. The table gasps as he executes a 6 and 6 in the white square marked ‘40’.

“Third time’s the charm,” he says carelessly, rolling them a third time. Two sixes land in the ‘50’ square, and the table explodes with cheers.

“I’ve never seen anyone do that!” one of the women exclaims. 

“Will you be cashing out, sir?” the dealer asks politely.

Ben glances at Rey. He can feel the hopeful eyes on them, curiosity ignited by the two newcomers. “What do you say?”

She considers it, then smiles. “Why not?” 

They stay for a few more rounds. Ben makes sure to hit a few red squares here and there so the dealer won’t suspect him of cheating; even so, he wins more than anyone else at the table. The others are ecstatic, buying him drinks and clapping him on the back whenever he wins. 

Rey doesn’t say or do much, but she assures him she’s having a good time whenever he checks in with her. The others are nice to her, and keep offering to buy her drinks. She demurs over and over, until he finally asks the one named Kip to get her a sparkling water.

“You don’t drink either?” one of the women asks conspiratorially. She’s conventionally pretty, with smooth tawny skin, golden waves of hair pinned back with jewels, and purple eyes.

“No,” Rey admits. “I...I don’t really like it.”

“The way it makes you feel, right?” the woman asks knowingly. 

“Yes!” 

The woman nods. “I used to drink all the time...I thought it was fun to let loose and stuff, you know? But I started realizing I was depending on it too much. I didn’t like who I was. So now I’m sober. People don’t always understand it, but I’m happier now.”

“I’m Rey.”

The woman smiles. “Dannika.”

Ben can feel Rey starting to trust this woman, and he decides to stop it immediately. He doesn’t doubt Dannika is a nice person and genuinely interested in Rey...while it suits her. He slides an arm around his lover, pulling her closer. “Wanna get out of here?” he murmurs in her ear.

“We were just about to go racing in the desert,” Dannika pipes up. “If you want to join us.”

“Racing?” Rey asks in disbelief.

“Well, most of us just watch,” admits a redhead who has a high, cackling laugh. Her eyes are bright and slightly red, which Ben attributes to the five martinis she’s had since he and Rey got to the table. “It’s mostly Zaz, Kip, and Dune who race.”

“Speeders,” says Dune, watching them. “And I always win.”

“Only because your daddy makes the galaxy’s fastest speeders,” Kip complains.

Dune has a secretive smile on his face. “Well, don’t I deserve the best?”

Kip and Zaz huff while Dannika and the redhead, Felis, poke fun, but Dune just keeps that secretive smile on his face.

He’s been nothing but nice, but Ben knows better than to take someone like Dune at face value. Light enough that Dune won’t feel him, he probes into his mind with the Force.

He doesn’t see anything particularly surprising; Dune comes from a wealthy family, he was made a shareholder in the family business as soon as he became a legal adult, he’s fucked nearly everyone at the table, and he’s done almost everything there is to do. He’s bored, terribly bored, and he gambles and races and sniffs spice just to feel something anymore. He finds Ben and Rey amusing, at least for now, but he doubts they’ll be able to keep up with the group.

Ben withdraws from Dune’s mind and opens his connection with Rey. 

_ If we’re going to win over anyone tonight, it’s got to be Dune. The others see him as the alpha of the group. If he agrees to sell, the others might as well. Even if they don’t, the speeders his family produces could be enough. _

_ How do we win him over? _ Rey asks.

Ben considers this.  _ Impress him. Stand out from the others.  _

She’s quiet for a moment.  _ Kip and Zaz let him win the races, _ she says finally, and he realizes she’s been in their heads.  _ They want him to like them, so they lose so that he’ll want to stay around them. I bet he’s not used to being beaten. _

Out loud, she says, “I like to race.”

Dune’s eyes light in interest.

“That so?”

She holds her head high. “It is. I’ll race you...if you promise not to be a sore loser.”

He’s captivated now. “You should know...my family name is Atreidas. We’re the biggest lightcraft manufacturer in the galaxy. Not just speeders. X-Wings, TIE fighters…”

_ TIE Silencers, _ Ben realizes, unable to believe his luck. He isn’t just talking to a lightcraft manufacturer, he’s talking to the son of  _ the _ lightcraft manufacturer. Dune probably tested a TIE Silencer before Ben ever did. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Rey says good-naturedly, “you can talk the talk...but can you walk the walk?”

Dune grins. “Damn straight I can. Let’s get you a speeder and see if  _ you _ can walk the walk.” He holds out his arm for Rey to take.

_ You sure about this? _ Ben asks.

Rey smiles at him over her shoulder.  _ Positive. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes his name IS Dune Atreidas and yes I DID use Timothay Chalamay as a facecast, BITE ME.


	20. Chapter 20

Dune lends Rey and Ben two speeders from his collection. She knows the name Atreidas; she’d be an idiot not to. Atreidas lightcraft is the highest quality in the galaxy, and they manufactured Rebellion and Empire vessels alike. The number of times she saw their logo while scavenging parts…

Dune clearly expects her to be impressed, and for that reason, she refuses to show any signs of interest in his family company. Instead, she talks about the speeder she made from scrap-metal, and though he listens politely, she can tell it’s killing him that she won’t talk about his company. He’s clearly never encountered someone who knew his family name and didn’t fawn over him for it, and he doesn’t know what to do about it. 

_ Good. _

He leads the party out to the dark, open desert. It’s not far from the city proper, and a stark contrast to the sparkling lake and waterfall on the other side of the mountains. In fact, according to Ben, this planet had been all desert once, and everything else is artificial; the Sea of Cantonica isn’t a naturally occurring body of water, but was created to make this place appear more like a paradise. Like the people of Canto Bight, the desert is the planet’s ugly but true nature; the sea and the city are its clothes and jewels, a distraction from the real thing. 

“Alright,” Dune announces as they reach the demarcation between the grassy fields and the sandy desert, “We race across the desert to Canto’s Thumb--it’s the big rock that’s shaped like a thumb.”

“I always thought it looked like a penis,” Kip confides.

“Maybe yours,” Zaz shoots back, and Dannika and Felis cackle.

“Are there any rules?” Rey asks politely.

Dune gives her one of his secretive smiles. “Wouldn’t matter if there were; I don’t play by the rules.”

She can feel Ben rolling his eyes.

“Fine,” Rey says lightly. “I just hope you’re ready to lose.”

“I never lose.”

“Well, maybe you would if you’d race with someone other than Kip and Zaz.”

The slight is just enough to prickle; she can feel Dune’s irritation as he begins to suspect that there’s a reason he always wins. Rey just smiles innocently.

The racers set up their speeders, strapping on goggles, adjusting the seat and handlebars, and revving experimentally. Rey has to admit, it  _ is _ the nicest speeder she’s ever ridden; certainly better than her hunk of scrap metal on Jakku. She looks up at Ben, grinning. “You ready to lose too?”

He raises an eyebrow. “That a challenge, sweetheart?”

“Is it really a challenge if we both know I’m going to win?”

Kip and Zaz hoot appreciatively. Rey feels happy and alive, and when a tipsy Felis drops her handkerchief, the five racers speed into the desert.

Rey’s speeder moves so quickly she can’t help shouting, her cry of alarm turning into a victorious whoop as she finds her rhythm. It’s nice to ride something that doesn’t shift and shudder constantly; she puts her foot on the pedal, zooming ahead. She’s dimly aware of Dune on her left and Ben on her right; Zaz and Kip, it seems, have given themselves a slower start to ensure they won’t win.

Without warning, Dune weaves ahead of her; she senses it a split second before it happens, and knowing he’s trying to scare her into braking, she steers hard to the left, avoiding him just as he moves in front of her. She straightens her course, now ahead as Dune realizes what happened. 

She spares a glance at Ben, who’s shaking his head.

_ You still sure about this? _

_ Well, now I just want to beat him because he plays dirty. _ She leans forward, preparing to make a hard left around the promised thumb-shaped rock ahead. 

“Rey!  _ Rey! _ ”

She looks over her shoulder just in time to see Dune catching up to her, smirking as he overtakes her. Cursing herself for her foolishness, she speeds ahead. She’ll make better time if she takes the inner loop, so she passes between him and the rock.

Or tries to; before she can pass Dune, he veers dangerously close to her, penning her in so that it’s impossible for her to get ahead without hurting herself. Her eyes flit between him and the rock, afraid he’s going to make her crash.

_ That’s what he wants, _ she realizes. He wants her to back down and let him win.

Well, if he’s going to play dirty, so is she.

She flicks her hand, subtly enough that he can’t see; Dune’s speeder lurches to the other side, and she takes advantage of the new opening to zoom ahead. She can feel Dune’s surprise and irritation getting farther and farther behind her; she doesn’t stop to look back, doesn’t think, just guns it.

She’s concentrating so hard on finishing this stupid race that she doesn’t even realize she’s at the finish line until she’s passed Dannika and Felis, both of them shouting victoriously. She loops back around, panting as she lands.

Ben and Dune land a moment later, Kip and Zaz well behind them. Ben strides over to her as soon as he’s dismounted, crushing her against him.

“Are you okay?” he breathes. 

“Fine.” She smiles reassuringly up at him. She  _ is _ fine, just a little shaken up. 

“Rey is the winner!” Felis crows. 

Dune’s expression is impossible to read. Rey reaches out, searching his mind. It’s a complex weave of anger, admiration, and shock. He’s never been beaten before, and she can feel him starting to wonder if that’s because everyone else lets him win, or if it’s because she’s really that good. Knowing it won’t do them any good if his self-esteem takes a hit, she presses the thought into his head,  _ Rey is really, really good. Rey has no right to be that good.  _

It seems to work; Dune shakes her hand, smiling. “Congratulations.”

She smiles back. “Thank you.”

“Can we get out of the desert now? It’s so sandy out here!” Dannika complains.

“Let’s go on the pleasure barge!” Felis trumpets.

Zaz and Kip take up the call.  _ “Plea-sure barge! Plea-sure barge!” _

“Fine,” Dune says. “But first we have to put away the speeders.”

The other four cheer, making for the city. 

_ What’s a pleasure barge?  _ Rey asks, glancing at Ben.

He rolls his eyes.  _ You’ll see. _

.

The pleasure barge, she learns, is an open-air ship that hovers over the Sea of Cantonica. There are others like it floating nearby, all of them full of glittering people playing music and toasting their wealth.

“You’re covered in sand,” Dannika points out when they board. “There’s a ‘fresher onboard, I know Dune wouldn’t mind if you used it.”

Rey hesitates. She doesn’t like the idea of using Dune’s refresher...but on the other hand, if she’s dirty enough that Dannika is remarking on it, it must be bad. So she lets the other woman show her to the refresher, stripping off in the stall and setting her sandy clothes on the bench.

“I’ll clean these off,” Dannika offers. “Dune keeps clothes onboard, I’ll see what he has lying around.”

“That’s really nice of you,” Rey calls over the stall, but Dannika is already gone.

She rinses the sand from her skin and hair, embarrassed. She bets Dannika and Felis have never been covered in sand like this. 

_ Don’t compare yourself to them, _ Ben had said, but how can she not? They’re both soft and beautiful and shining, and Rey is still a sandrat from a junkyard. 

Once scrubbed and clean, she steps out of the refresher, wrapping a towel around herself before she steps out to the adjoining room.

It’s not Dannika who’s waiting for her, but Dune, lounging on a chaise and looking expectantly at her.

“Oh.” She stops short. “I thought...Dannika has my clothes.”

“They’re over here,” he says, jerking his head carelessly, and she sees that her clothes are indeed folded into a neat pile beside him. “But I had something prettier in mind.” He stands up, unfurling long, white fabric.

A gown, Rey sees now, one to rival even Dannika and Felis. The dress is soft and flowing, the bodice embroidered with silver and gold beads that form thin straps. It’s beautiful, exactly the kind of thing Rey would have preferred to wear when meeting the others. She can see herself wearing it now, swanning around on the pleasure barge while she dances and laughs.

“It’s beautiful,” she murmurs.

“As are you.”

She becomes aware of her undressed state, her only shield a short, thin towel. “Thank you,” she murmurs, gripping her towel. “I can dress by myself.”

“I’m sure you can.” Dune lowers the dress. “Let’s be frank here, Rey. You and your boyfriend want to buy ships from me, right?” 

Has it been that obvious? Her face must give something away because he gives her one of those secretive smiles. “I had my security run a search. I know your Ben is Ben Solo, and you’re here with Han Solo and that Wookie. I know you’re here trying to buy ships for the Resistance. Fine. I don’t care. Selling ships is what my family does best, after all.”

Rey wants to relax, but something tells her not to just yet. “So you’ll sell us the ships?”

Still that secretive smile. “I will.”

Her shoulders sag in relief. “How much will--”

“But I don’t want money.”

She furrows her brow. “You...don’t?”

He shakes his head, stepping forward. “Money is so...common. Boring, even. I have so much of it. I can buy anything I want. The money you’d spend on these ships is something I could blow in an hour here.”

Rey can barely hear him over the sound of her heart thundering in her ears. 

Dune steps even closer. “I don’t want you to pay in money.”

She swallows. “Then what  _ do _ you want?”

He smiles. “I want to fuck you.” He reaches out to touch her hair.

Rey waves a hand in front of his face. “You will keep your hands to yourself.”

A blank expression comes over his face as his hand drops to his side. “I will keep my hands to myself,” he repeats tonelessly.

“You will forget the offer you just made me.”

“I will forget the offer I just made you.”

Emboldened, she continues, “You will transfer one hundred X-Wings to Leia Organa as my prize for winning the desert race.”

“I will transfer one hundred X-Wings to Leia Organa as your prize for winning the desert race.”

“Do it now.”

She watches as he takes out a holopad, tapping dutifully away. He hands her the chip when he’s done, confirming the sale. 

“Now leave,” she commands.

He does without so much as a word of complaint.

Rey changes into her clothes quickly, tucking the chip into a pocket. She gives the dress one lingering look...and then decides that she prefers the clothes she came in. She doesn’t want to be like the people who belong here, hiding the ugliness inside beneath beautiful clothes. What you see is what you get with Rey.

Hardly able to believe her luck, she leaves the room, heading up to the deck to find Ben. 

He’s sitting on a sofa, lip curled as he watches Felis drunkenly sway with Kip and Zaz. He looks relieved when Rey finally joins him, straddling his lap.

“I got it,” she says quietly, unable to hold in her secret any longer. “I got the ships.” She pulls out the chip, watching triumphantly as Ben’s eyes widen. 

“He sold them to you?”

“Well, not quite.” She bites her lip. “I sort of...Jedi mind tricked him.”

Ben gives her an awed grin. “You didn’t.”

“I did. He was being difficult, and I wasn’t thinking, and…” She shrugs. “I convinced him to transfer the ships over to your mother as my prize for winning the race.”

“I  _ love _ you,” Ben says fervently, kissing her with an equal fervor. She kisses back, pushing away all thoughts of Dune and this horrible place. 

.

The moon is high in the sky when the pleasure barge finally returns to the city. Felis, Zaz, and Kip have passed out, Dannika is lurking somewhere, and Dune just sits and stares.

“I think you messed him up,” Ben mutters as he and Rey watch him, each trying to probe his mind and finding nothing but emptiness.

“I wasn’t trying to,” she whispers. “Should I...try to fix him?”

“No,” Ben says quickly. “He’s better this way.” He tilts his head, looking at Rey. “What happened between you two?”

She forces down her emotions, trying to find the smooth center of her consciousness she always tries to find when meditating. She can’t tell Ben what Dune tried to do. Not here and now, anyway. She knows him well enough to know that he’ll freak out, maybe try to hurt Dune, and that wouldn’t be good for any of them. “What do you mean?”

“You said he was being difficult. What happened?”

She shakes her head. “Just...he started bragging about how much money he has.” That part isn’t untrue. “He told me whatever we offered him, he could blow in an hour, he has so much money it bores him, blah blah blah.” She rolls her eyes. “Just really annoying.”

“Oh. That’s a relief.”

“A relief?”

Ben shrugs. “I felt an...attraction.”

“An attraction?”

“Him being attracted to you,” he clarifies. “I was sort of afraid he would take advantage of our position.”

She hesitates. “Ben--”

The barge lurches as they dock, the captain calling up an apology. Rey leaps to her feet. “Let’s get off this thing.” She leads the way back onto land, her mind roiling with feelings. “Hey...maybe you should go get your dad and Chewie and I’ll meet you at the  _ Falcon. _ ”

Ben furrows his brow. “You want to go alone?”

“I just don’t want to deal with all those people.” It’s not a lie; she really doesn’t want to deal with any of them. “I just want to go back to the  _ Falcon _ and lie down.”

He doesn’t look appeased. “Are you okay?”

“Just tired.” That isn’t a lie either; she’s been up for twenty-four hours at this point, and she’d only had a few hours of sleep before that. “It’s been a really long day. And I’m sick of these rich assholes.”

Ben relaxes. “Me too. Okay. Do you think you can find it?”

“Don’t worry about me.”

“But I do.” He brushes his lips across her forehead. “Reach out if you need me.”

“I will.” She heads in the direction of the hangar, trying not to walk too quickly. Ben may have bought her tired act, but she’ll have to tell him the truth sooner or later. She’ll have to tell him that Dune  _ had _ tried to take advantage of their position, and she’d lied to protect it. Even with the ships signed over to Leia, eyebrows would be raised and questions asked if her son was found assaulting the person selling the ships. Hell, questions might  _ still _ be asked if Dune’s catatonic state persists, and if anyone realizes that it aligns with him signing over one hundred X-Wings free of charge to the head of the Resistance.

She takes the longer route, bypassing the city as much as she can and sticking to the grass. Her path takes her through a meadow, and she smiles at the feeling of so much green grass. So distracted is she that she doesn’t even notice the strangers until they’re nearly upon her.

One of them is an enormous four-legged creature that lows at the sight of her. The other is a small boy, leading the creature by a rope. He blinks up at Rey, uncertain.

“Hello,” she says kindly. “What is that?”

He blinks again. “It’s a fathier,” he says at last. 

“Is he your pet?”

The boy gives her a funny look. “He’s not a pet. They use him for racing.”

“Oh.” She hadn’t known that, but now that she takes a closer look, she can see that the boy clearly does not belong on Canto Bight. Or he does, but he remains in the shadows, invisible to the wealthy patrons. His job must be to care for these fathiers and keep them in good condition for racing. 

“You don’t...belong here, do you?” he asks uncertainly.

She sucks in a breath. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, you don’t know what a fathier is, for one thing.” He shifts. “For another, you aren’t dressed like the people here.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Are you with the Resistance?” he blurts suddenly.

She hesitates, but he must see it in her face, because he beams. “I met someone else from the Resistance a couple months ago! We set loose all of the fathiers.” His smile fades. “Bargwill made me bring most of them back.” In a conspiratorial voice, he adds, “Some of them are still out in the desert, though. I always tell Bargwill they’re too fast for me to catch, but really I bring them grass and stuff to eat.”

Rey smiles. “That’s very nice of you.” She holds out a hand. “I’m Rey.”

“Temiri,” the boy says, shaking her hand. “ _ Are _ you with the Resistance?”

“Sort of.”

His eyes catch on the lightsaber poking out from beneath her jacket. “You’re a Jedi?!”

“Well, not  _ quite _ a Jedi. But I can use the Force.” She doesn’t know why she’s being so candid with this child, except that she knows she can trust him, somehow. She can feel his good intentions, his energy--

His energy.

“Can... _ you _ use the Force?” she asks curiously.

Temiri looks surprised. “I don’t think so.”

She crouches down, looking into his eyes. “Give me your hand.”

He does, confused.

It isn’t clear at first, not the way it is with Ben. But there, swirling beneath the surface, is something. The Force, and the ability to use it. 

When she looks up, Temiri’s eyes are wide.

“Where’s your family?” she asks.

His face falls. “My parents liked to gamble,” he mumbles. “When they gambled away all their money, they gambled me next. They lost.”

It feels like a punch to the gut. “I know how that feels,” she says softly. “My parents sold me for drinking money.” Even now, it hurts to talk about.

Temiri looks at her with something like a hopeful gaze. “But you’re okay now...right? You can use the Force, and you’re with the Resistance.”

She gives him a small smile. “I’m okay now.” She bites her lip. She has an idea...a stupid idea, and a horrible one, probably...but the more she thinks about it, the more she likes it. 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will deal with some of the after effects of last chapter, including sex without informed consent (you'll see what I mean) and blackmail based on such. Use this warning as you will.
> 
> This chapter also has a cameo from one of my favorite EU characters--hope you like :)

He can’t find Han or Chewie anywhere.

He’s looked up and down, all over the casino, but he just can’t find them.

He’s tried comming them, too, to no avail. That in itself isn’t unusual; in a place like this, they might not be able to hear or see the notifications, or they might be intentionally ignoring it to schmooze with a potential dealer. That’s all well and good, but it’s late, and Ben is getting worried.

He selfishly wishes Rey had come with him; she, at least, would tell him to calm down, there’s no point in worrying. She would think of something he hadn’t thought of.

But she’s tired, or she’s claiming to be tired, and he’d rather her avoid the crowds and sleep on the  _ Falcon _ . He knows she’s hiding something, but he also knows that she wouldn’t hide it without good reason. She’ll tell him when the time is right. For now, she needs to be alone or asleep.

But as he’s circling the casino for the fifth time, searching in vain for Chewie’s shaggy head, he’s starting to wish he’d gotten her to come with him anyway.

And it’s not like he can ask the concierge, because if there’s any kind of official report, that will get back to the First Order. Or if security starts asking around trying to locate Han, others will hear about it, and maybe the  _ wrong _ person will hear about it, and then they’re screwed. 

_ Think, Solo.  _ Where would Han and Chewie be? The casino is the best place to woo potential buyers, but maybe they’d found one and retreated to a more private room to conduct business? That’s all well and good, but Ben can’t very well access the private rooms, and if they went to a bar or a hotel or some other place…

It’s too loud in here. He has to go outside, someplace semi-quiet (as quiet as it can be in a place like this), and reach out with the Force. 

He’s reached the bottom of the steps when a voice calls out his name. He looks over and sees Dannika beneath an awning, a concerned look on her face. 

“What is it?”

She twists her hands together. “Is Rey okay?”

“What? Yeah, she’s just tired.” Now that he thinks about it, Rey hadn’t said goodbye to Dannika. Perhaps he underestimated her concern for Rey.

“Tired?” Dannika furrows her brow. “I meant…” Her face goes slack. “Oh. Maybe you don’t...oh.”

“Maybe I don’t what?” When Dannika purses her lips, he probes into her mind.

He wishes he hadn’t.

“You set her up,” he realizes, blood pounding. “You were going to help Dune rape her.”

She blanches, tripping back a step...but Ben is so angry that instinct takes over. He raises a hand, fingers curled and tense. Dannika grasps at her throat, her eyes wide as she realizes what he’s doing to her. Dimly, he’s aware that he shouldn’t be doing this here, but he’s far too angry to care. He should kill her.

“Please,” she gasps, trying to pry invisible fingers off of her windpipe. “I didn’t want to…”

“But you did it anyway,” he growls. “So tell me why I shouldn’t crush your throat.”

There are tears in her eyes. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

He plunges into her mind again. He sees drunken nights and long, blank spaces where she doesn’t remember anything, but there are holovids of  _ everything _ , and they’re saved to Dune’s private files. Whenever he wants something from her, he reminds her of the holovids, the ones that could ruin her and her family’s reputation. She’d liked Rey, but the threat of the holovids overpowered that affection, and when Dune told her he was going to fuck the sandrat, she’d gone along with it in the hopes that one day, maybe he’d delete the holovids and she could go on with her life. 

Ben releases his grip on Dannika’s throat; she leans heavily against the wall, gasping as her windpipe expands. 

“I’m sorry,” she pants.

“Not as sorry as Dune is about to be.” He strides away, making for the dock. He’s going to beat the shit out of Dune. 

Had he taken advantage of Rey? She’d seemed fine after her shower; in fact, she’d been ecstatic over mind-tricking the ships out of Dune. And she  _ had _ mind-tricked him; that was obvious on the barge. So no, he doesn’t think that Dune succeeded in taking advantage of Rey.

_ He was being difficult, _ she’d said. She hadn’t said anything about him trying to rape her.

Is that why she’d insisted on going back to the  _ Falcon _ alone? Because she hadn’t wanted him to sense the truth? It angers and saddens him. He wants to know why she hid it from him, but mostly, he hates that she felt like she had to hide it at all. 

He’s halfway there when his commlink chimes. There are only two people who have his commlink, and both of them are his parents, which means…

He fishes it out. “Dad?”

“Hey, kid.” Han sounds sheepish. “Listen, Chewie and I, uh, got into a bit of a situation.”

He slows down. “What kind of situation?”

“Well…”

“Dad.”

“We’re in the casino jail.”

Ben closes his eyes, forcing himself not to sigh too gustily. “I see.”

“I’ll explain later, just...could you come bail out your old man?”

“Yeah. Of course. I’ll be right there.” 

Putting away his commlink, he wonders if this night will ever end.

.

Ben has never been to the casino jail, but he quickly discovers that it’s one of the least ostentatious places in Canto Bight. The dark, drab jail is manned by three guards who are playing cards when Ben enters. He gives Han and Chewie’s names and uses some of the credits his mother sent him with to pay their bail.

“What are they in here for, anyway?” he asks.

The guard consults the log. “Assaulting another guest.”

Ben gapes. “ _ Assaulting? _ ”

“He punched someone,” the other guard supplies. “And when their bodyguard intervened, that Wookie broke his arm.”

This, Ben thinks, is going to be one hell of a story.

.

Han has the good grace to look sheepish when he’s escorted from the cell; he gives Ben a small wave while Chewie makes a mournful noise beside him. 

“So?” Ben asks once they’re outside. “What happened?”

Han scratches the back of his neck. “I sorta...ran into someone I, uh, used to know.”

“You used to know a lot of people.”

“That’s true,” Han concedes. “It was...well, someone I was in competition with once.”

_ It was King Isolder, _ Chewie growls.

Ben gapes. “You punched  _ the King of Hapes? _ ”

“He was being a smug asshole!” Han defends. 

“So you  _ punched _ him?”

“Well, I wasn’t gonna make nice with him.”

It’s no secret that Han has never forgiven Isolder for trying to court Leia in the early days after the war, even if it had been entirely political and barely emotional. He’d eventually withdrawn his suit and married a witch from Dathomir, and from what Ben has heard, they’ve been very happy together. Not that that matters to Han, who, despite being the one to  _ actually _ marry Leia, still flies into a rage at the very mention of Isolder. Ben can only imagine what little provocation it took for his father to punch the other man.

“Dad, you can’t punch people, but especially the  _ ruler of the Hapes Consortium. _ Think of the repercussions this could have on the Resistance!”

Han’s shoulders sag. “You know, I hadn’t even thought about that...but you’re right.”

Ben almost pities his father. “I’m sure he won’t do anything...but we came here to help the Resistance.”

“Well, we came here to avoid Luke,” Han points out. 

Right. Luke. The other man will be waiting on Ajan Kloss, and once they’ve landed and handed over the proof of sale, they’ll have to figure out another place to go. 

“Mom sent us to help the Resistance,” Ben points out, trying not to think about what awaits him on Ajan Kloss. “And I just spent money for ships and weapons on your bail.”

Han winces. “I’ll pay it back.”

“It’s fine.” Ben heaves a sigh. “Rey got the Atreidas heir to hand over a hundred X-Wings.”

“A  _ hundred? _ ” Han’s eyes are wide. “How’d she do that?”

_ You don’t want to know. _

A passing grav-cab slows beside them, the window rolling down to reveal none other than the King of Hapes himself, sporting a split lip. “Ben, my boy!”

“King Isolder.” Ben feels a rush of relief--maybe he can fix this. At the very least, maybe he can prevent the Resistance dealing with another enemy. “I’m so sorry about my father--”

“Please don’t be.” Isolder’s eyes flicker to Han. “I overstepped.”

Whatever Ben was expecting to hear, it wasn’t  _ that. _ Kings don’t have to admit that they overstepped even when they did. It’s all part of being a king. 

“I made some comments about your father that were beneath me,” Isolder continues. “I deserved that punch in the face.”

Ben turns to gape at Han, who gapes back. The older man clears his throat, trying to look nonchalant. “Yeah, well,” he says casually, and then trails off, clearly at a loss for words.

“I understand you’re trying to buy ships and weapons.”

Last Ben heard, the Hapes Consortium had not allied with the First Order, and he finds it unlikely that that would have changed in the last two months. King Isolder has always been a good man, and his wife, Queen Teneniel, has always been a good woman. Neither of them seems like the sort to bow to the First Order. So Ben feels fairly certain of himself when he says, “That’s right.”

Isolder bows his head. “Hapes would be honored to ally with the Resistance.”

Ben gapes. Hapes has historically never allied with anyone; they are powerful enough to protect their system from any invader, and resourceful enough that they have never needed to rely on other systems for anything. They are an isolated system, one that could function without ever encountering an outsider. They gain nothing from this alliance, and stand to lose a sizable chunk of their military if all else fails. And yet, with the Hapan military at their disposal, the Resistance would no longer be a mere irritant to the First Order. They’d be a real threat, one that not even Hux in all his arrogance could dismiss. 

“Are you... _ sure _ you want to do this?”

Isolder looks deep in thought. “For years, the Consortium kept to itself. We are entirely self-reliant; our kingdom has flourished in its isolation. While the rest of the galaxy suffered under the Empire, we barely looked up from our amusements. It didn’t affect us, so why should we care? It wasn’t until after the New Republic was formed that we ventured outside of the Consortium trying to woo one of the only princesses left in the galaxy. My mother and others like her were proud of this. They were proud of our neutral status, of our refusal to care about a conflict that was not directly affecting us. It would be years before I understood that by doing nothing, we were just as responsible for the galaxy’s suffering as if we had allied with Emperor Palpatine himself.” He looks up at Ben. “The galaxy is suffering once more, and I will not stand idly by while it happens.”

Ben inclines his head. “You’re a good man, Your Majesty.”

Isolder gives him a small smile. “From one member of royalty to another...I appreciate that.”

Ben gives a small scoff. “I’m not really royalty, you know.”

“Nonsense. Your mother is a princess, and your father…” Isolder glances at Han. “...is a better man than I could ever hope to be.” He looks back at Ben. “I’ll contact your mother once my armies have been assembled.”

“Thank you, King Isolder.”

The window rolls up and the grav-cab hums away. 

Ben turns to Han, who gives him a cocky shrug. “Sometimes I amaze even myself.”

.

Ben is exhausted by the time they make it back to the  _ Falcon _ . The last twenty four hours are finally catching up with him; it’s hard to believe that this time last night, he was facing off with the Knights of Ren. Since then, he’s gone to Ajan Kloss, come to Canto Bight, won several rounds of Chandrilan Squares, competed in a desert race, gone on a pleasure barge, nearly killed a woman, bailed his father and Chewie out of jail, and secured a Hapan alliance. 

And now he has to face Rey and ask her why she hadn’t told him about Dune.

She’s waiting for them on the ship, unable to hide her nerves. That makes him feel a little better; at least she’s afraid to tell him, and not willfully hiding the truth.

Han and Chewie make for the cockpit; Rey grabs Ben’s sleeve to keep him in the corridor, even though he has no plan to walk away. 

“I need to tell you something,” she says quietly.

“I know.”

Her eyes search his in fear. “You...know?”

“I ran into Dannika,” he explains. 

“Dannika...what…” 

He hates that she’s drawing it out like this. “She told me about Dune.”

Rey’s eyes widen. “Oh. You know...about  _ that _ .”

The way she says it strikes him as odd. “Yes? Wait, are you...were you going to tell me something else?”

The nerves return. “Well...yes. But we can talk about the other thing later.” She steps back. “I sort of...did something.”

He stares at her. “What did you do?”

She kneels down and pulls up the floor panel, the same one his father had used to hide smuggled goods years ago. When he leans over, he sees three children blinking up at him.


	22. Chapter 22

“They were sold into servitude by their caretakers,” Rey explains. “Their parents and guardians gambled them away, so I took them so they’d be safe with the Resistance.”

The three kids watch the adults warily over the food they’re stuffing into their mouths. They eat like they’re afraid someone’s going to take it away at any second. Rey knows that feeling well.

“They could be chipped,” Ben murmurs. 

“Already took care of that.” When the others raise their eyebrows, she shrugs. “I mind tricked their master and disabled the chips. Once we’ve landed, I wanted to see about removing them completely.”

She can feel the exasperation rolling off of the Solo boys and Chewie, but she knows none of them would dare suggest taking the kids back to Canto Bight. 

“No one’s going to come after us,” she says when they don’t look convinced. “The kids are safe, Canto Bight is behind us, I don’t see what the problem is.”

“She has a point,” Han says, and she feels a rush of affection for him. 

Ben rubs a hand over his face. “Fine. Mom can deal with them when we land.”

Rey feels a momentary flare of irritation; doesn’t he care? Can’t he sense Temiri’s Force sensitivity?

Han and Chewie head back to the cockpit, leaving Rey and Ben alone with the three children. Her jerks his head towards the back of the ship. “Can I talk to you? Alone?”

She nods, following him down the corridor and into the refresher, where he closes the door behind them before turning to her. 

“I know,” she says, the fight leaving her as soon as she sees his face. “I should’ve said something before, I just...it all happened so fast.”

He runs a hand through his hair. “Why didn’t you tell me about Dune?”

She blinks. “Dune? Oh.” Guilt washes over her. “I was going to. I promise. I just didn’t want to say anything in front of the others.”

“Yeah, but then you sent me to get Dad and Chewie and you came back by yourself.”

“I was going to tell you,” she says again. “Barely anything happened.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Barely?”

“Nothing happened.” She’s getting aggravated now. She knows he’s just concerned because he cares about her, but this is not her biggest priority right now. “Here, look.” She opens her mind to him, showing him what had transpired between her and Dune. 

Ben seems only marginally satisfied. “He’s lucky that’s all you did.”

“ _ We _ were lucky to get those ships,” she says pointedly. “Ben, I understand how you feel, but it would’ve looked bad if we’d gotten the ships and he’d turned up dead or beaten up. You can understand that, can’t you?”

He hesitates. “Yeah, but…” He sighs. “I just wish you’d told me sooner.”

“You would have lost it if I’d told you sooner,” she points out. “Look, you saw it, I had it under control, and I told you as soon as I could. It’s done now. We don’t have to worry about him anymore.” Something occurs to her. “You said you ran into Dannika?”

“Yeah. She’s the one who told me.”

That confuses her. “How did Dannika know?”

The pained look returns, and now it’s his turn to look hesitant.

“Ben?” she asks sharply.

He heaves a sigh. “Dannika set you up. Dune has...holovids that she doesn’t want leaked. He threatened to release them if she didn’t help.”

It hits her like a slap in the face. She’d known Dannika and Felis were shallow, but for Dannika to actually set her up like that…

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, his irritation gone. “I know you liked her.”

She shakes her head. “I didn’t...I mean...I  _ did _ like her, but I didn’t expect her to be my friend...but I didn’t think she would do something like that.”

“I know.” He wraps his arms around her. “I’m sorry.”

_ He likes protecting me, _ she thinks with an unexpected bitterness. She doesn’t  _ mind, _ really, it’s just that…well, it’s almost as if he doesn’t want her to take care of herself. Almost as if he’s gotten so used in the past two months to loving her and caring for her and even coddling her that he doesn’t remember how well she can handle herself. She should be happy, really, that someone cares about her so much, that she’s been treated so well by someone, but it rankles just a bit. 

She steps away. “I want to talk to you about Temiri.”

His brow furrows. “Temiri?”

“One of the boys.” She nods in the direction of the common area. “Ben, he’s strong with the Force. I felt it.”

Ben considers this. “Is that why you took him?”

“I would’ve taken him and the other two anyway,” she huffs. “They were  _ slaves _ , Ben. Temiri’s parents gambled him away the way other people gamble away money. It was the right thing to do.”

“It was,” he agrees. “It was just...unexpected.”

She takes a deep breath. “I think you should teach him how to use the Force.”

Ben’s eyebrows shoot up at this. “You want  _ me _ to teach him?”

“You’re a good teacher, and he should learn.”

Ben, however, doesn’t look convinced. “I don’t really...teach. I made an exception for you because...well, because you’re  _ you. _ I don’t know this kid.”

“Temiri,” she fills in. “And you could. He’s sweet, and he should learn about what he can do.”

Ben steps back, rubbing his temple. “I don’t know, Rey…”

“Please?”

“I need to think about it.”

She supposes that’s better than nothing, even if it isn’t the answer she really wants to hear.  _ He’ll come around, _ she tells herself. He’s just tired. They both are. They’ve been awake for a long time now.

Once she checks on the kids and makes sure they’re okay (they’re fine, caught up in a game of Dejarik), she climbs into bed with the intention of taking a quick nap until they reach Ajan Kloss.

She wakes an indeterminate amount of time later, the ship silent and still.  _ We’ve landed, _ she realizes, sitting up and groaning as she tries to move her stiff body. She stumbles towards the common area, and stops short when she sees Ben sleeping in the other bunk bed. Unusual, as they haven’t slept apart even once since getting together, but she supposes he didn’t want to wake her. Shrugging, she heads for the ramp, blinking when sunlight hits her. They should’ve arrived on Ajan Kloss while it was still nighttime; clearly, she’s been out for a while.

She’d barely gotten a glimpse of the Resistance base yesterday, so she takes her time looking at it now. It’s bigger and more densely populated than the last time she’d been here, with people in smart looking uniforms flitting from one place to the next, pilots in orange jumpsuits strutting around, and droids attempting to maneuver the uneven terrain of the jungle moon. She’s just thinking that someone should build ramps for them when she hears her name being called; turning, she sees a face she had not expected to see again.

“Jannah!”

The other woman hugs Rey warmly, beaming when they finally pull apart. “It’s good to see you,” she says sincerely. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye before, it all happened so quickly…”

“It’s okay,” Rey assures her. “Trust me, I understand.”

Another woman appears at Jannah’s side; the woman who had been with Finn when they’d gotten off the  _ Falcon _ a couple months ago. To Rey’s surprise, Jannah wraps an arm around the other woman’s shoulders in a familiar movement. “Rey, this is my girlfriend, Rose.”

Rey looks between the two, stunned. “That was fast. But, I mean, congratulations, obviously.”

“It was fast,” Rose agrees. “But it was right.”

“I was her rebound,” Jannah offers.

“You were not!”

“I  _ definitely _ was, but that’s okay, because once you had a taste of me, you forgot all about ol’ Finn.”

“Finn?” The surprises keep on coming. 

The smile slides ever so slightly off of Rose’s face. “Yeah, I...had a thing for him. It’s over now, obviously.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” Rey doesn’t know what else to say. “Is he...here?”

“Off on a mission with his boyfriend. Not his  _ real _ boyfriend,” Jannah clarifies at the look on Rey’s face. “Though I’m sure Poe would like that to be true.”

“Is it true you got those kids off Canto Bight?” Rose asks.

Rey smiles. “Yeah, I did.”

“Good for you,” Rose says fervently. 

“Do you know where they are?”

“In the mess hall, eating us out of rations.”

Rey thanks them and says goodbye, heading for the enormous awning covering a dozen rows of tables and benches. She does indeed find the three children huddled at a table together, eating and drinking eagerly. 

“Rey!” Arashell cries, spraying crumbs everywhere. 

Rey smiles, sitting across from them. “Hello. How are you finding the Resistance base?”

“It’s  _ amazing _ ,” Temiri gushes. “Luke  _ Skywalker _ is here!”

Rey tries not to let her smile slip. “That’s right. And Leia Organa, and Lando Calrissian, and loads of other Rebellion heroes.” She hesitates. “Temiri, could I talk to you alone for a moment?”

The boy looks surprised, but he nods, getting up and following Rey to a table farther away where they won’t be overheard. She sits across from him, trying to find the right words. 

“Temiri, when I met you, I sensed you were strong in the Force. Would you like to learn how to use it?”

His eyes widen. “Really?”

“Yes,” she says softly. “I’ve been learning myself, and I think you have real potential.”

“Would I have a lightsaber?”

She smiles. “Yes, if you want one, though you’ll have to build it. I could help you.”

“Would you teach me?”

She considers...and, why not? She’s still learning, but she’s learned enough to teach the basics, hasn’t she? And she’s sure Ben will agree to teach him, he just needs time. 

She makes her decision on the spot. “Yes,” she says. “I’ll teach you.”

Temiri beams. “ _ Wizard. _ ” Then the smile drops from his face. “But...would I have to leave?”

She hadn’t considered that. “Well...I suppose so.”

Now he looks sad. “But...I don’t want to leave my friends.”

That complicates things. Far be it from her to separate him from his friends, who she knows are important to him, but staying here means being around Luke, and she doesn’t want to subject Ben to that. 

What if they stayed on Ajan Kloss but camped out farther away? Then Temiri could still see his friends, still stay with them on the Resistance base, and Rey could visit to teach him, or he could go to her, or--

It’s silly. It is, at the very least, a lot of effort to go to for a boy she’s only just met. But doesn’t he deserve the effort? Doesn’t he deserve the chance to become a Jedi, or a Gray Jedi, or whatever? And with everything going on, don’t they need more Force-wielders now than ever?

“I’ll see what I can work out,” she says at last. 

Temiri beams again. “Can I tell my friends?”

“Sure.”

He hoots with excitement, racing back to his friends and babbling excitedly.

Rey heads back to the  _ Falcon, _ where she finds Ben stirring in the bunk he’d taken. She sits on the bedside, waiting patiently as he wakes fully. 

“Why are you sleeping over here?” she asks.

He rubs his eyes. “I was tired.”

“Our bunk is six feet away.”

He grunts, sitting up. “We’re on Ajan Kloss?”

“Yeah, have been for a few hours, I think. Couldn’t find your dad or Chewie.” She hesitates, wondering if it’s too soon to mention it, and then surges ahead anyway. “I talked to Temiri.”

He makes a noncommittal noise.

“Ben...I think we should stay here for a bit.”

He wakes up fully at that, turning to her with a surprised look on his face. “You want to stay  _ here _ ?”

“Just for a bit,” she appeases. “I think Temiri should learn to use the Force, but I don’t want to separate him from his friends. 

Ben stares at her. “Oh,  _ you _ don’t want to separate him from his friends?”

She has the distinct feeling that she’s said the wrong thing. “Well, no,” she says in a small voice. 

Ben stands up, pacing. “Rey...I never said I was going to teach him.”

“You said you needed time to think.”

“And I haven’t had time to think.” He runs a hand through his hair. “You just...assumed.”

“Well, I could teach him.”

He shakes his head. “You’re still training.”

“I could teach him what I know,” she argues.

“Why does this matter to you? You barely know him.”

“I know he’s strong with the Force, and I know he’s trying to find his place in the world.” She stands up. “Not unlike you and me.”

His frustration is obvious even without her trying to search his feelings. “It  _ is _ unlike us, though, because he has friends and the Resistance to look after him.”

“We could have that too if we’d just stay here.”

He shakes his head. “No. I’m not staying here with Luke.”

“We wouldn’t have to stay on the base,” she wheedles. “Just close enough that--”

“ _ No. _ I’m not staying on the same  _ moon _ as him. Not the same  _ system. _ I’m staying as far away from him as I possibly can.”

He’s angrier than she’s ever seen him. She isn’t afraid, but she is starting to realize that she made a mistake.

“I just,” she begins quietly, “don’t want to make him leave his friends…”

“Then don’t. Don’t bring him with us at all.” He’s pacing again, the air pulsing with his irritation. 

“But I  _ want _ him to learn the ways of the Force.”

“Then  _ you _ can stay here and teach him.”

She rears back, stunned. “You...you’d leave me here?” In her mind, she can see a little girl reaching out and screaming,  _ “Come back!” _

“I’m not staying here,” he says firmly. “And I don’t want the kid to come with us. Whatever you decide to do is up to you.”

This is  _ not _ what she wanted to hear. She knows the situation isn’t ideal, but for him to threaten to leave her here…

She puts her hands on her hips, adopting a challenging stance. “So if I said I wanted to stay here, you’d just go?”

“Yes,” he says without hesitation, frowning at her. “Yesterday you wouldn’t even consider staying here.”

It had been only yesterday, but it feels like so much longer. “I know. But I really want for--”

“--Temiri to learn the ways of the Force. Right. I got that.” There’s a sneer to his voice now, a trace of Kylo Ren that she doesn’t like. 

“Forget it,” she mutters, turning and heading for the ramp. She wants, desperately, for him to call out after her, for him to follow her and stop her and tell her he’s sorry.

But he doesn’t do any of those things, and that hurts Rey more than she can say.

.

Her feet carry her far away from the base, but she’s so upset she hardly notices. Her heart is pounding, her blood rushing in her ears. 

_ He would leave me here. He would go somewhere else and leave me here if I didn’t go with him.  _

She understands his hatred of Luke,  _ of course _ , but…

_ I thought his love for me outweighed his hatred for Luke. _

She feels like an idiot. She isn’t stupid enough to think that this is the end of their relationship, but it  _ is _ him drawing a line in the list of things he’s willing to do for her, and she wasn’t expecting it to happen so soon. Now she has to choose between staying with Ben and staying with Temiri. If she leaves with Ben, she’ll always resent him for it, and she’ll never forgive herself for breaking her promise to Temiri.

But if she stays here…

If she stays here, then she’s choosing Temiri over Ben, and he will never forgive her, and for that, she’d never be able to forgive herself.

_ Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. _

Her pace slows at last, her anger cooling. She’s being ridiculous. She’ll always choose Ben, even over Temiri. He’s right, she barely even knows the boy.

_ I still care about him...but I care about Ben more. _

She slows to a stop beside a stream, panting. She’s being an idiot. She’s going to turn around and tell Ben she’s sorry and she’ll go with him, and maybe they’ll come back for Temiri another day.

She kneels beside the stream, splashing water on her face and neck. The water is only tepid, but it’s still cooler than the air, and she splashes her arms and shoulders, too, until her shirt is soaked and the heat of the jungle doesn’t feel quite so oppressive. 

She stands up, meaning to turn and head back to the base...but a shadow in the jungle catches her eye. 

It’s nothing special, really; just a place where the trees are shorter and bend together, forming a sort of…

_ Cave. _

She stumbles forward, drawn to the dark place. Faintly, she can hear whispers, promises and invitations she can’t understand but desperately wants to. They’re meant for her, she’s sure of it...but what are they  _ saying? _

The cave is dark and cool, and though she knows it’s impossible, she can almost swear she hears the ocean beneath all the whispers. She walks forward on silent feet, the dirt muffling her steps as the trees grow thicker and closer together until she hardly knows where she is at all.

And then, there is a faint light, and when she moves closer, she sees that it’s not an opening, but a person.

It is an old man with a kind smile and a face lined with age. She can’t make out much else, dark as it is, but she can see that there’s a kindness to him, an eagerness to know her.

“Rey,” he says in a reedy voice. “I have waited so long for this day.”

Her breath catches in her throat. “How do you know my name?”

“Rey...you are my granddaughter.”

She stares at him, unable to believe what she’s hearing. “What?”

“Your father was my son,” he explains. “He and I...did not always see eye to eye. I did not even know about you until recently, when I sensed you in the Force.”

Rey’s heartbeat speeds up. “You sensed me? Really?”

“Yes.” He looks just as emotional as she is. “Rey, I have long since accepted that I will never get my son back, just as you will never get your parents back...but perhaps, we could be each other’s family.”

_ Family. _ That elusive thing Rey has always yearned for, always waited for, but always knew was out of her grasp. Could this really be her chance to have a family at long last? To have a parent, of sorts? Someone who would love and care for her?

_ Ben loves and cares for me. _

But Ben is different. His love can go away at any time. Can’t it? 

Is this even real? 

“It’s real,” her grandfather says, smiling when she starts. “I can sense your thoughts, Rey. I trained in the ways of the Force long before the fall of the Republic, when Force sensitives were condemned by the Emperor. There is much I can teach you...if you will let me.”

_ A teacher. _

“Yes,” she says. “I would like that. But...where are you? How do I find you?”

“You will find me on the planet Tatooine in the Jundland Wastes. I will show you where to go.”

“How--” she starts to ask, and then she can feel him in her mind, showing her the planet, and the desert, and the rocky terrain where he will be waiting for her. 

“Will you come?” he asks, a tinge of fear in his voice. “I am sorry if I seem overeager, it is only...you are all the family I have left.”

Her eyes well. She swallows the lump in her throat, nodding. “Yes, I’ll...I’ll come. Straightaway.”

He beams. “I’m so glad to hear it. I will be with you the whole way, my precious one.”

_ My precious one. _ Her unshed tears fall at the endearment.

“Now go, hurry; every moment we are not together is a moment lost.”

Rey stumbles out of the cave, hurrying back to the base.  _ I’m going to meet my grandfather. I’m going to meet him. I’m going to find my family. _ The thought excites and overwhelms her; she cries in fits and starts on the walk back, wiping the tears from her eyes. Her grandfather is alive. Her family is  _ alive. _ Her parents may be gone, but her grandfather is alive, and she’s going to have a family again. 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next couple chapters are going to be kinda short, but chapter 25 has a LOT going on, and...yeah.

He stares at the wall for a long time. Staring, but not really seeing. 

In his mind, he replays that night over and over. Waking up to Luke standing over him. The anger and hatred and darkness he’d felt in the room. The fear that had filled him. The instinct to reach for his lightsaber and defend himself. 

He’d spent years running from Luke and hiding in Snoke’s shadow. In many ways, he thinks Snoke always knew that Ben would never fully become Kylo Ren until he’d killed Luke Skywalker. As long as that fear of Luke existed, Ben Solo would never truly die. Even now, even without Snoke, Ben will always remember the way his uncle had tried to kill him.

And Rey wants to stay here.

It’s for the boy, he knows it’s for the boy, but Luke is here too, and she knows that. She  _ knows _ that staying here would mean being close to Luke. Luke, who tried to kill him.

_ And she doesn’t care. _

He can feel his world slipping away from him again. It’s like all those years ago, when his parents had believed Luke was the innocent and Ben had turned to the dark side of his own free will. Everyone here thinks Luke is a hero; even if Ben told them the truth, they’d never believe him. They will never believe a Solo over a Skywalker.

The thought brings unexpected tears to his eyes. He presses the palms of his hands into his eyes, willing the tears to stop. Snoke had made him channel the dark side through his pain, had encouraged him to beat his wounds so he would not forget the pain. He can feel himself beating the wounds of his memory now, tapping into that pain and anger and fear. 

“Ben?”

He looks up, and through a veil of tears, he can see his father giving him a concerned look. 

“Sorry,” he croaks.

“You okay?” Han eases onto the bench beside him, resting a tentative hand on his shoulder. 

“No,” Ben admits, using the heel of his hand to wipe away the tears. “I can’t stay here. With Luke.”

“Have you seen him?” Han asks sharply.

Ben shakes his head. “No. But I can feel him. Even though he’s shut himself off from the Force, I can feel his presence.”

“Well, then, let’s go,” Han suggests. “We’ll find Rey and get out of here.”

Ben swallows. “That’s part of the problem. She doesn’t want to go.”

“What?”

He takes a deep breath. “One of the kids we took from Canto Bight is Force sensitive. She wants to stay here and train him.”

Han considers this. “Well...why can’t he come with us?”

“I don’t want him to,” Ben says crossly. “I don’t want to bring some kid with us.”

“Fair enough,” Han allows. 

Ben’s voice softens. “But she won’t...listen. She’s determined to stay with this kid.”

“Well, can you blame her?” When Ben gives him an incredulous look, Han shrugs. “She was abandoned by the people who were supposed to take care of her. She went her whole life not knowing how to use the Force. She probably sees a lot of herself in this kid.”

And Ben...can understand that. The pain of abandonment has never left Rey, and even though he knows she’s been happy with him, he knows he won’t be able to erase those years of pain and trauma, just as she won’t be able to erase all of his pain and trauma, either. 

“What do I do?” Ben asks quietly.

“I don’t know,” Han admits. “I wish I had an answer. There’s no solution that makes everyone completely happy. But when two people love each other, they compromise.”

Ben rolls his eyes. “Dad, this is different.”

“It isn’t,” Han insists. “This is something you both feel strongly about and have very different ideas about. You want to stay together, right?”

“Right,” Ben allows grudgingly.

“And you each want the other to be happy without sacrificing too much of your own happiness, right?”

He sighs. “Right.”

“So talk to each other.”

“We tried talking. We ended up arguing and she walked out.” When he looks over, he’s annoyed to see Han smiling. “What?”

“Nothing, just...sounds familiar.”

He rolls his eyes. “We’re not like you and Mom.”

“Maybe not. But I know walking out during an argument will do one of two things; make the argument worse, or make the makeup  _ very _ sweet.”

“Ugh.” Ben makes a face. “I don’t want to hear about you and Mom having makeup sex.”

“All I’m saying is, there’s one of two ways it could go. Don’t let it be the first way.” Han gets up, then turns around. “Oh, I almost forgot; your mother spoke to King Isolder. He’s rallying his forces now.”

Ben sighs in relief. “Good. I’m glad.”

Han turns to go again, but this time it’s Ben who calls after him.

“If you see Rey…” He doesn’t know what to say, but Han just nods.

“I’ll tell her to come find you.”

Ben blows out a breath. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Anything for you, kid.”

.

It can’t be more than half an hour later when he feels it. When he feels  _ her. _

She’s leaving. Her presence moves farther away from him. Not like earlier, when she’d taken a walk--he can feel her leave the  _ system. _

He sits up in his bunk, heart hammering against his ribs.

_ Rey? _

But she doesn’t answer. And not just ignores him, either, but she shuts him out completely. Surely...surely she hasn’t actually  _ left _ Ajan Kloss? She’d been the one fighting to stay here, after all. 

_ Don’t panic, _ he tells himself forcefully.  _ She’s fine, it’s fine, just go find her. _

Nevertheless, his heart is pounding as he gets out of his bunk, walking on shaky legs. She has to be around here somewhere. It’s a military base, where else can she go?

He can’t find her in the mess hall, or the rec center, or in the hangar. He doesn’t know how to ask if anyone has seen her, either, because he doesn’t think anyone here knows her. He’s starting to give up hope when a voice he would know anywhere calls out to him.

“Master Ben!”

He turns around, watching as C-3PO and R2-D2 come toward him. Both struggle with the uneven terrain, but they make a valiant effort to get closer. He makes it easier by closing the distance, straightening Artoo when he threatens to topple.

“What are you two troublemakers up to?” 

“ _ I _ have never made trouble in my life!” Threepio sputters. “Artoo, on the other hand…”

Artoo beeps impatiently.  _ I have something to tell you. _

“What is it?” Ben asks, not expecting anything serious.

_ Rey took an X-Wing and left. _

The smile slides off Ben’s face. “She left?”

Artoo beeps in affirmation.

Now Ben is starting to panic again. “Do you know where she went?”

Artoo lets out a sad negatory. 

“Can you track her ship’s computer?” he asks desperately, but the answer is the same: no.

He tries to reach out to her again, but he only meets a cold, hard wall. She must be angrier than he realized. 

He doesn’t understand it. She  _ knows _ it’s too much to ask him to stay here so she can train a strange boy in the ways of the Force...but perhaps leaving behind an abused child is too much to ask of her. 

_ I’m sorry, _ he tries to tell her, but it doesn’t get through the wall.

All he can do now is wait.

Wait, and hope for the best.


	24. Chapter 24

The journey to Tatooine flies by. In fact, Rey seems to zone out for almost the entire ride; one moment she’s in space, watching the stars go by, and the next she’s making planetfall. 

Part of her feels bad about shutting out Ben, but she knows he won’t be happy if he finds out she’s left the system. She can tell him later, after she’s spoken to her grandfather. He’ll understand…

Probably.

Tatooine is a desert planet, though with more amenities and more densely populated than Jakku. She stops in a city called Mos Eisley to fuel up and get a bite to eat before she makes for the Jundland Wastes, which the owner of the diner assures her is not far. 

_ I will guide you, _ comes her grandfather’s voice, and suddenly it’s as if she’s waking up, realizing she’s come to the rocky foothills that her grandfather had shown her. Her heart pounds in her chest as she climbs out of her ship, excited to meet him. There’s so much she wants to ask him, and he’s sure there’s so much he wants to ask her, too. They can talk about her father, and him, and what the future might look like. 

_ Come closer, _ he urges. 

She does, moving beneath the rock’s shadow.

This proves to be a mistake. 

Six black and all-too-familiar figures surround her.

“You--” Rey starts, but darkness presses in at the edges of her vision. She leans heavily against the rock, fighting to stay conscious...but one of the Knights of Ren waves his hand, and she crumples to the ground.

.

She wakes on a dank and dusty floor, in a dark room lit by streaks of lightning coming from outside. Her head swims when she sits up, trying to remember what she’s doing here.

Her grandfather. Tatooine. The Knights of Ren.

She sits up fully, gasping as she looks around her. There are the six Knights of Ren, and across from her are a set of stairs leading up to a throne.

And sitting on that throne is an ancient man, milk white and pitch black all at once.

“Young Rey.” His voice is vaguely familiar, but she can’t quite place it. “Welcome.”

“Where am I?”

“You are in Exegol, a planet that cannot be found except by those who know where to find it.” This is a new voice, one that comes from the base of the throne. There, stepping out of the shadows, Rey sees a horribly disfigured humanoid, half of his face scarred and sunken from battle. There’s something familiar about him, too, though Rey can’t say what.

She looks between the two men. “My grandfather?” she asks, her heart already starting to sink.

The man on the throne laughs, a cold, harsh sound that sets her teeth on edge. “Your grandfather is long dead. He drank himself to death, as did your parents after him.”

His voice. She recognizes it now. “It was you,” she realizes. “You lured me to Tatooine.”

“All too easily.” He sounds pleased with himself. “You are as naive as I had hoped.”

She pushes herself to her feet, ignoring the dizzy feeling as she does. “Why have you brought me here? Who are you?”

It’s the other man’s turn to chuckle now. “You are in the presence of Supreme Leader Snoke...and my master, Emperor Palpatine himself.”

No. No, she  _ knows _ that can’t be...but even as she searches her feelings, she knows it to be true.

“Emperor Palpatine is dead,” she murmurs feebly. 

“Or so everyone thought. I assure you, young Rey, I am still alive, if a little worse for wear.”

Instinctively, she starts to reach through the Force for Ben...and then she remembers to whom she is speaking, and what might happen if one or the other becomes aware of each other’s presence. So she holds back, knowing this is one conflict she’ll have to face alone.

“Why am I here?” she asks again. “You haven’t told me.”

It’s Snoke who speaks now. “My young apprentice has ignored my attempts to bring him back to the dark...until now.”

_ Ben. _

“Let’s see how well he ignores me when the object of his infatuation is in danger.”

“No--” she starts to protest, but blue lightning shoots from Palpatine’s fingers, surrounding her body in a blinding white pain. She can feel herself screaming, but her agony is so great that she can’t hear it, only the crackle of lightning and the high, cold laugh of Palpatine.

_ I will not give in, _ she wills herself.  _ They want me to reach out for Ben, but I won’t do it. I won’t. _

Yet the pain seeps inside her until it sticks to her bones like barbed wire, and then it digs into her very being. She can feel herself writhing, not even trying to fight it off anymore, just trying to maintain some shred of refusal.

The lightning lets up after a long moment; she rolls onto her side, panting as she stares up at Palpatine and Snoke. 

“I won’t…” she pants, “...give him to you.”

“Perhaps not of your own free will,” Palpatine concedes. “But when I am finished with you, you will have no will.”

The lightning hits her again.

She screams and flails until she’s paralyzed with pain, her throat moving convulsively but making no sound. 

_ I will not, _ she tells herself over and over.  _ I will not. I will not. I will not. _

Yet her defenses are slipping, the barriers of her mind crumbling into rubble, and she longs, more than anything, for Ben.

It is this last thought that betrays her. Above even the lightning, she can feel the Force bond opening.

“Rey?”

She looks at Ben with tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she tells him, and then forces the bond to close.

But it’s too late. He saw and felt her, and she knows that he’s going to find her. She doesn’t know how, she just does.

Palpatine knows it, too, because the lightning lets up at last. She can only lie still, staring with unseeing eyes at the entryway. 

“He will come,” Snoke crows from behind her. “I can feel it.”

_ I can too. _

She doesn’t know if the thought makes her happy or sad.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEN I TELL YOU HOW EXCITED I AM TO POST THIS CHAPTER
> 
> I didn't respond to a lot of comments last chapter because I didn't want to spoil anything lol I'm so sorry, I just wanted this chapter to be worth it. We've got one wrap up chapter after this and then an epilogue, but this is gonna be The Big Climax so I hope you're ready!!

When the bond closes and the pain subsides, he realizes he’s kneeling on the floor of the  _ Falcon, _ his hands over his head. 

Rey. 

Even now, even with the bond closed, he can read her mind as if she’s standing right there. He sees Snoke and Palpatine, he sees Exegol, he sees the Knights of Ren standing guard...and worst of all, he sees Rey lying on the ground, alone and in pain.

He has to go to her. Now. As soon as possible. He doesn’t know what he plans to do when he gets there, but he’ll think of something. He has to get to Rey. Nothing else matters.

He paces up and down the common area, his mind racing. He could take the  _ Falcon _ and go. 

But.

If Snoke and Palpatine are behind this whole thing, then the First Order is part of it, too. Snoke wouldn’t be far from his own fleet. He knows that Ben knows that, too. So if Snoke is on Exegol, the First Order can’t be far behind, which means…

He flies down the ramp of the  _ Falcon, _ swinging this way and that as he looks for his mother. He startles a passing officer, making her shout with surprise as he asks where his mother is.

“In her tent,” the woman says, brown eyes wide. “Over there.” She points.

Ben barely thanks her before his long legs carry him to the tent. He bursts inside, walking in on her, his father...and Luke.

Well, so what?

“Rey was taken,” he says bluntly. “Palpatine is still alive, and he has her.”

His family stares at him.

“Uh,” Han starts, “Ben…?”

“I know it sounds crazy,” he says impatiently. “But Rey and I have...a bond. We can see everything the other person can see. We can read each other’s minds. And she’s on Exegol with Snoke and Palpatine. He’s alive, he has been this whole time. Snoke called him his master.”

It’s Luke who speaks, softly but urgently. “Are you  _ sure _ ?”

A thousand bitter retorts come to mind, but Ben only says, “I’m  _ positive. _ ”

Luke closes his eyes. “Then we are facing a greater threat than even I imagined.”

“How can that be?” Leia asks, her eyes wide. “Luke, you said our father killed Palpatine…”

“He threw him into the Death Star’s reactor,” Luke says quietly. “It created an explosion that destroyed the ship. Or so we thought.” He opens his eyes. “I believe Ben.”

_ That’s a first, _ Ben can’t help thinking. His uncle looks so... _ old _ now. He hadn’t exactly been in the prime of his youth when Ben last saw him, but there’s more gray and white than blond now, his hair and beard thick with lack of attention. He’s heavier, too; not fat, but all his muscle has softened. And there’s a sadness to him, a great despair that surprises Ben.

“What do we do?” Leia asks, looking between her brother and her son. 

“I have to save her.” Ben’s voice cracks. “They’re hurting her.”

“I’ll go with you.” Han stands up, looking determined. “I’ll help you.”

Ben shakes his head. “No, you have to stay here. The Resistance needs you.” He takes a deep breath. “Because The First Order is waiting near Exegol. They want one final confrontation.”

Leia’s eyes fill with steely resolve. “Do they, now?”

“They don’t know about the Hapan armies. I think they’re hoping they can destroy the Resistance and turn me to the dark side at the same time.”

Leia considers. “Isolder is already on the way...I can have him divert his armies. Exegol, you said?”

“It’s in the Unknown Regions,” Luke tells her, but his eyes never leave Ben. “It’s surrounded by gas so thick it’s impossible to find...but the First Order’s fleet is big enough that that shouldn’t be a problem.”

Han hesitates. “I don’t know...I don’t like the idea of you going alone, Ben.”

It’s Luke who stands now. “He won’t be going alone...because I’ll be going with him.”

Ben stares at him, full of anger and hatred and fear. “No.”

“Ben.” Luke looks even sadder now. “I know you can never forgive me, and I don’t expect you to. What I did was unforgivable. But you are one person. If Rey is as hurt as you say she is, she can’t help you fight Palpatine and Snoke. You are strong in the Force, but they are stronger. You need a Jedi by your side.”

Ben hesitates, because Luke is right. He’s only one person, and not nearly as skilled as Snoke and Palpatine. Alone, he’ll be crushed...but with the last Jedi…

“Fine,” he says shortly. 

Luke bows his head. “Thank you.”

Ben starts to leave the tent, but Leia calls after him, tears in her eyes. “Ben, are you  _ sure _ \--”

“I have to do this.” He softens. “I’ll come back. I promise.”

Leia nods, but he can tell she doesn’t quite believe him. He stoops down to hug her, holding her tight. 

“May the Force be with you,” she whispers. “Always.”

He turns to Han next, whose hug is somehow even tighter. 

“I love you,” Han chokes out.

“Yeah.” Ben blinks back tears. “I know.”

Han lets out a small huff of laughter, and then he steps back, arm around Leia as they look at their son. 

“I’ll come back,” Ben says again. 

“He will,” Luke agrees. “I’ll make sure of that.”

Together, uncle and nephew step out into the night.

.

Neither Ben nor Luke speak on the journey to Exegol. After so many years of so much left unsaid, what is there to say?

But after they’ve woven their way through the thick red gas and landed on the planet’s sandy surface, Luke turns to Ben. “Snoke and Palpatine know your weaknesses better than even you,” he says, and Ben feels like a child learning at his uncle’s knee again. “Do not act rashly.”

“I won’t,” Ben says, irritated. 

“They’ve used Rey to get to you, and they’ll use whatever else they can to make you turn--”

“I know,” Ben grinds out. “I was living under Snoke’s thumb while you were hiding out on Ahch-To.”

Luke bows his head. “You’re right. I’m sorry. It’s just...hard to accept that you’ve grown up. That your mastery of the Force rivals even my own.” 

Ben swallows. “Can we talk about this later?”

“Of course. Lead the way.”

He does, trying not to let Luke see how nervous he is as they move into the great stone citadel. It’s dark inside, and he ignites his lightsaber to illuminate their way.

As it turns out, there’s little need for this; the floor beneath them shifts, and they realize they are standing on an enormous platform, one that descends gracefully. They pass gargantuan statues of what Ben imagines are ancient Sith lords, hooded and cloaked beings with hands raised poetically.

“At last,” a voice rings out.

Luke tenses, and Ben knows instinctively that this is the voice of Palpatine. He tries to find the source of the voice, but it’s so dimly lit that he can only see a few feet ahead of him at a time.

The platform shudders to a stop on the floor; Ben and Luke step off carefully. In the distance, Ben sees a figure slumped on the ground.

_ “Rey!” _

He runs to her, putting away his lightsaber as he kneels and takes her in his arms. Her body is limp, but he can see a faint spark of life in her eyes. “Ben,” she whispers. 

“I’m here,” he murmurs, trying to sound calmer than he feels. “You’re alright now.”

A high, cold laugh makes him look up.

The Sith Throne is a thing of ancient legends, a horrifying structure that many have tried to recreate...but nothing compares to the original. Spiked and jagged, the basalt seat looms over them, as does the man sitting in it. Even with a face pale and bloated with decrepitude, Palpatine is as imposing in reality as he had been in mythology. 

“Kylo Ren,” he pronounces in a voice that Ben has both heard and never heard. “Son of darkness, heir apparent to Darth Vader...welcome. And Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master himself! It has been a long time since last we met.”

“Not long enough,” Luke says grimly. 

Palpatine laughs that high, cold laugh again. Ben sees now that Snoke is lurking in the shadows, watching the scene unfold. 

“You,” he says, staring straight at his former master. “You lied to me.”

Snoke comes out of his hiding place at that, hands hidden beneath the folds of his robes. “I never lied, my young apprentice. I merely omitted the details. I found my master on the Death Star after it crashed; he had called to me through the Force. I healed him, and he made me his new apprentice. For twenty years, I learned all that he had to teach me...and when the time was right, he helped me rebuild the Empire. You knew me as the Supreme Leader of the First Order, and when the time was right, I was going to name Darth Sidious Emperor Palpatine once more, and the First Order would become the Galactic Empire.”

It was still a lie by omission. Snoke and the First Order were only one phase of rebuilding the Empire. 

“And where did I fit into all this?”

Both Snoke and Palpatine laugh at him.

“Did you not hear me? You are the heir to Darth Vader. You are the first Force wielder since his death to match his power, excluding my apprentice and myself. Your uncle could have made such a boast, if he had turned to the dark side,” Palpatine adds disdainfully. “But he chose the way of the light, and his power is the weaker for it.”

“In your eyes, perhaps,” Luke says calmly. “But they are fogged with age and arrogance.”

Palpatine laughs again. “You are truly your father’s son, Skywalker...and what a disappointment he became to me.”

“Thank you,” Luke says with a dry wit Ben hasn’t heard in a long time. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Palpatine makes a “tch” sort of noise. “It is you who is blinded by your own arrogance. While you hid out in shame, I have rebuilt the Empire to be stronger than ever, and I shall rule with two apprentices by my side.”

Ben shakes his head, still holding Rey. He feels the anger seep into him, the reminder at what they did to her just to bring him to heel. “I will never join you.”

“You will.” Palpatine has a no-nonsense tone to his voice. “You can keep the girl; in fact, I think she will provide excellent motivation should you fail to please us.”

Ben’s hold on her tightens. “You will not hurt her again.”

Palpatine’s voice is like honey. “Do as I say, and she need never suffer again.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Luke says, loud enough for Palpatine to hear him. “He killed my mother so that my father might turn to the dark side; he won’t hesitate to hurt her to get to you.”

“Foolish Jedi. Your father had already turned to the dark side. Padmé’s death was his own doing. Did he not tell you how he choked the life from her while she was still pregnant with you and your sister?”

Luke’s face betrays his surprise. “No…”

“He did,” Palpatine says gleefully. “He believed her to be unfaithful, so he choked her...like this.” Palpatine raises his hand, and Luke reaches up to grip his throat, his breath coming in a wheeze. 

“Let him go!” Ben shouts.

_ Stop him, _ Rey presses.  _ I’ll be alright. _

Reluctantly, Ben sets her gently on the ground before standing up. “Let him go. It’s me you want, isn’t it?”

The choking ceases; Luke gasps for air.

“Will you rejoin the dark side?” Palpatine asks sharply. 

Ben considers him. “You want me to join the dark side and become your apprentice.”

“Yes.”

“But the Rule of Two dictates that there can only be two Sith at a time; a master, and their apprentice. A master cannot have two apprentices.”

“What are you getting at, Kylo?” Snoke asks suspiciously.

Ben takes him in, this twisted, corrupted creature who has ruled so much of his life. Was he a slave to Palpatine’s whims the way Ben was a slave to his? It doesn’t matter. Slave or not, his crimes cannot go unanswered.

“Only one of us can be the Emperor’s apprentice,” he says.

“Good, Kylo, good,” Palpatine praises. “Let your hatred flow through you.”

Snoke’s smile wavers for only a moment...and then he reaches into his robes and withdraws a lightsaber. His face turns a haunting shade of red as he ignites his blade, getting into a defensive stance. “I have trained you well, Kylo,” he croons. “Let us see what you have learned.”

Ben withdraws his lightsaber--but it’s not just his. It was Luke’s lightsaber before him, and before that, it belonged to Anakin Skywalker. Anakin, who trusted Palpatine and fell to the dark side because of him.

Channeling the dark side for the last time, Ben ignites the lightsaber and runs forward.

Blue meets red with an angry hum, blades clashing as Ben gnashes his teeth. His movements are heavy and deliberate, his stance aggressive. Snoke parries his blows with concentration, his brow furrowed. Ben knows that it’s been years since the Sith last used a lightsaber, and though he may once have been skilled with the weapon, his lack of practice is evident. 

Ben shows no mercy, forcing his former master to give all that he’s got. He can see Snoke’s frustration and even his fear as he blocks blow after blow, his grunts and hisses music to Ben’s ears.

“You’re right,” he says lazily. “You did train me well.”

Snoke raises a hand, immobilizing his lightsaber; Ben breaks free from the hold, swinging with a vengeance now as he comes for Snoke.

The Supreme Leader shoots into the air, flipping gracefully before landing near Rey. He takes advantage of his new position to grab her by the hair, holding his lightsaber close to her throat. 

Ben freezes.

Rey’s face is rent in pain, tears spilling from her eyes. Snoke, on the other hand, is beaming, elated that he has the upper hand.

But only for a moment.

A new lightsaber hums to life, and Snoke drops Rey as he raises his blade to meet her own.

Only, it’s not Rey wielding it, but Luke, his movements unsteady but his face determined as he crosses blades with the Sith. 

“Master Skywalker,” Snoke breathes. “I did not think you would be brave enough to fight me a second time.”

“You’ll find I’m full of surprises.” Luke unfurls Rey’s saberstaff to its full length, coming at Snoke with a relentless assault while Rey scrabbles backwards, away from the duel. 

Luke may be the aggressor, but his lack of experience with a double-sided lightsaber becomes apparent, and Snoke soon gains the upper hand again.

“Uncle!” Ben shouts, tossing his unignited lightsaber. 

Luke catches it, tossing Rey’s saberstaff to Ben without so much as looking away from Snoke. He ignites the family lightsaber, regaining the upper hand as he moves with grace. 

Ben glances at Rey, silently asking permission.

_ Go, _ she urges, nodding. 

Ben joins the duel, whirling her double-sided lightsaber. Snoke sees him coming in time, however, and raises his hand to immobilize Ben. He cannot keep the position long, however, and they all know it; as Luke advances, Snoke can only keep Ben immobilized for so long. 

He realizes at the same time they do how this is going to end. Luke cuts through the arm holding the lightsaber; Snoke cries out, falling heavily to his knees.

It’s Ben who advances on him, forcing Snoke to look up at him. 

“I’ve thought about this moment for a long time,” he breathes, and then he twirls Rey’s blade to cut Snoke’s head cleanly from his shoulders.

He doesn’t know what he was expecting to happen. An explosion of some sort, perhaps. A swell of music as he made the killing blow. The celebratory roar of brass.  _ Something _ . Not this. This dead silence, the only sounds the heavy breathing of Ben and Luke.

“Well done.” 

Palpatine’s voice is oily and full of praise. Ben and Luke turn to face him, and anger fills Ben anew as he looks upon the emperor.

“You have completed one of your final tests,” Palpatine continues. 

Ben frowns. “You meant for him to die?”

“Come now; surely you can’t think  _ Snoke _ has any place in the new Empire?” Palpatine scoffs. “Why follow a Supreme Leader when you can bow before an Emperor? Besides, he was planning to overthrow me. You are right in that there are only a master and an apprentice, young Kylo. One of us was going to die, whether it was me, or Snoke, or you. I’m glad it is Snoke. Now, kill Skywalker, and become who you were meant to be.”

Ben deactivates Rey’s lightsaber. “No.”

“Come, come,” Palpatine says impatiently. “Let’s not play out this wearisome trial again and again. You  _ will _ become my apprentice. Why do you care about Skywalker, anyway? He is your uncle, yet he tried to kill you while you slept.”

Ben glances at Luke. 

“I’m sorry,” Luke says softly. 

“So am I.” Ben turns back to Palpatine. “But I’m not going to kill him. I’m going to kill  _ you. _ ”

Palpatine laughs. “You have all the arrogance of a Skywalker...but that will soon be remedied.” He raises his hands, and a web of blue lightning shoots out of them, surrounding Rey.

“No!”

Her agonized screams fill the room; Ben rushes to her, forcing his body between hers and the stream of lightning.

It’s like icy fire.

The lightning  _ burns, _ creeping into his very soul as he tries to defend her. He screams, his fingers digging into the dirt floor as he seeks some kind of respite.

The lightning lets up; he slumps over Rey, panting. 

Her eyes are full of tears. Slowly, she reaches up to touch his cheek.

“Ben…”

He  _ will _ kill Palpatine, for her, if nothing else. He will make sure that no one, not even Palpatine, will ever hurt her again. 

Every movement is agonizing as he turns to face Palpatine. “Enough.”

The old man looks bored. “I think not. You are still clinging to the idea that you have a choice. Let go, Kylo.”

He grits his teeth, forcing himself to his feet. “Never.”

Luke stands beside him. “You’ve underestimated my family once again, Your Majesty.”

“Underestimated your stubbornness and stupidity, perhaps,” Palpatine says with disdain. “No matter. If you cannot be turned, I will simply kill you both.” A sinister smile creeps over his face. “Perhaps the girl will be more easily broken.”

_ “No.” _

Palpatine casts an almost lazy stream of lightning; Ben falls to his knees as it strikes him, crying out. 

“Submit,” Palpatine commands.

The blinding white pain ceases, but not because Palpatine has stopped; it is because Luke is standing in front of him, his hands catching the lightning. Ben can see the effort it takes his uncle--this is likely the most he’s used the Force since the temple was destroyed.

“Luke…”

“I will not let him hurt another person,” Luke says, not taking his eyes from Palpatine. “I will not fail you again, Ben.”

“Fool!” Palpatine howls, but the dismay is plain on his face. “You have already failed!”

“It is you who have failed, Your Majesty!” Luke calls over the hum of energy. “You keep making the same mistakes!”

“And I will not again,” Palpatine sneers, his lip curled in concentration as he throws more lightning at Luke.

Ben sees a movement in the shadows; he reaches for his lightsaber, cutting down Ap’lek Ren as he charges forward.

The other five knights spill out after him; to Ben’s surprise, he sees Rey activate her saber out of the corner of his eye. They are both weakened from Palpatine’s lightning, but when they stand back to back, he can feel the strength of their bond. They move in tandem, one mind split into two bodies; they move with each other, he bending forward while she leans back. While Luke absorbs Palpatine’s lightning, draining him of his power, Ben and Rey cut down the knights.

They separate long enough for Vicrul to get him in a headlock, his blade dangerously close to Ben’s throat while his lightsaber lies across the floor.

“Ben!” Rey shouts, and he barely has to look up to catch his saber. He ignites it just in time to pierce a hole in Vicrul’s head; the knight slumps forward, and Ben pushes him off to find that all of the knights have been defeated.

Now they only have to defeat Palpatine.

The Sith and the Jedi are still facing off. It’s draining Palpatine’s power, yes, but it’s also draining Luke.

“Luke!” he shouts. “It’s going to kill you!”

“Yes,” Luke agrees. “But it will kill him, too.”

“Luke!” 

Luke sends the collected lightning back to Palpatine, who lets out an inhuman scream as he becomes consumed with his own lightning. He convulses in his throne, his cries filling the air.

Ben staggers forward just in time to catch Luke; the older man slumps in his arms, his breathing ragged.

“Don’t,” Ben finds himself begging. “Don’t die, Uncle Luke, please.”

“It’s too late,” Luke rasps. “And it was for a good cause.” He offers up a faint smile. “You’re safe. That’s all that matters now.”

Ben can feel tears forming in his eyes. He looks up at Rey, who’s looking back at him with tears in her own eyes. He can see the truth reflected there that he’s not ready to face yet: Luke is dying in his arms. After hating him for so long, after fantasizing about returning the favor and killing  _ him, _ he can’t bear the thought of it. 

Luke rests his hand over Ben’s. “He’s not dead. Not yet. But you can defeat him now.” His next words come strained and slow. “I will be with you in death. You remember.” 

“Luke,” Ben whispers, but the spark of life has already left Luke’s eyes. A moment later, his body fades away, until all that remains are his clothes,

“What happened?” Rey cries, alarmed, but Ben shakes his head.

“He’s become one with the Force now.” He looks up at the throne, where he sees Palpatine feebly stirring. When he looks back at Rey, she nods resolutely.

They rise unsteadily, but when Ben remembers all that Palpatine has done to his family, when he remembers that Palpatine killed his grandmother and grandfather and now his uncle, he becomes firm with resolve. 

“So,” Palpatine wheezes, pulling himself to sit up in his throne. He is weak, terribly weak...but Ben is not an idiot. If Palpatine could survive being hurled into a reactor and the subsequent explosion, he can survive getting his own Force lightning thrown back at him. “You have a death wish, do you, Kylo Ren?”

“My name is Ben Solo. I am the grandson of Anakin Skywalker...and I will finish what he started.” 

Palpatine raises his hands, releasing a final blast of lightning, but Ben and Rey raise their hands and form a dual shield, sending the lightning back at him. They can see the agony on his face, his hood blown back, skin stripping away as his own power destroys him. They push forward in tandem, one step at a time, until, with an eldritch scream, the Sith Lord shatters into a thousand tiny sparks, snuffing out and dying.

They collapse into each other’s arms, breathing hard as they hold each other close.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

He huffs. “Am  _ I _ okay? You were  _ tortured _ .”

“We both were.” She tightens her arms around him. “They’re really dead.”

“They’re really dead,” he echoes, unable to believe it. After years of torment, after  _ generations _ of it...Palpatine is finally dead, and Snoke and the Knights of Ren with him. 

“Ben…” she starts to say, but there is so much she doesn’t know how to say. It’s alright; there’s so much he doesn’t know how to say yet, either. 

“I know,” he murmurs. 

She buries her face in his shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you.” He takes a deep, shuddering breath. “So much.”

She pulls back, her face tired and dirty and perfect. “Let’s get out of here.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost at the end!! This chapter is pretty short and pretty sappy, but I felt like Ben and Rey deserved it.

They lean on each other as they make their way out of the citadel, hobbling on sore limbs. Up above, they can see hundreds of ships, clearly locked in battle.

“The Resistance…?” Rey asks, uncertain. She knows the Resistance is better off than they were, but the ships facing the First Order Star Destroyers seem like too many to belong to the Resistance.

“The Hapan army,” Ben fills in, watching them in wonder. “I forgot to tell you, the King of Hapes is an old family friend; he’s lent us his military.” He shakes his head. “They’re winning.”

And they are; Rey watches as one, then, two, then five and ten and twenty First Order vessels explode. Soon the whole fleet is up in smoke, with only a few smaller vessels disappearing into hyperspace. 

“They won,” Ben breathes. 

Rey shakes her head. “ _ We _ won.”

.

Ben pilots them back to Ajan Kloss, following the Resistance fleet. Rey drifts in and out of consciousness, weary down to her bones. 

“Are you alright?” Ben keeps asking.

“I’m as alright as I can be.” After the last few days, and the last couple hours especially, she’s amazed she’s still functioning at all. “Are  _ you _ alright?”

“I’m fine.”

“I mean,” she says gently, “are you alright after...Luke?”

He’s quiet for a long moment. She can feel the roiling emotions within, his pain and sorrow and guilt. “No,” he admits at last. “I spent so long wanting him to die, to be the one to kill him...but holding him in my arms while his life slipped away...I wanted him to stay. Before we went into the Citadel, he promised we would talk later.”

She turns in her seat, getting on her knees to wind her arms around him from behind. “I’m sorry, Ben.”

She can feel the tremble in his body from unshed tears. “He really loved me. I didn’t think he could after that night...but he died so I could live.”

She presses her lips to his cheek, unsure of what to say. Maybe there isn’t anything she  _ can _ say.

“This is enough,” he tells her quietly, and she realizes he’s heard her thoughts. “Just...hold me. Please.”

So she does.

.

It’s dawn when they land on Ajan Kloss. All around them are people celebrating, arms around each other as they jump up and down and cheer. Rey and Ben climb awkwardly out of their X-Wing, wincing when they make the drop to the ground. 

_ “Ben!” _

Rey looks up in time to see Han, Leia, and Chewie running toward them. They throw their arms around Ben, and then, to Rey’s surprise, they drag her into the group embrace, as if she’s one of them.

“You’re alright,” Leia is crying. “I was so afraid…”

Ben is crying too. “Luke…”

“I know. I felt it.” 

They stand there for a long time, all of them crying, all of them so, so happy to have each other.

.

Rey and Ben sleep on the  _ Falcon _ for hours, too exhausted to do anything else. The base is still very much awake, but they are so tired that they sleep through the noise. They don’t wake until the evening, when a loud burst of sound rouses them.

“What was that?” Rey asks, worried. It sounds like an explosion. Is the war still going on?

Ben rubs her back soothingly. “It’s just fireworks.”

“Fireworks?”

“You’ve never seen fireworks before?” When she shakes her head, he sits up. “Come on.”

Her legs are still stiff, but the pain from earlier is only a dull ache now. She still leans on Ben as they make their way out of the  _ Falcon _ and down the ramp.

It’s nighttime, but the base is alight with bonfires, around which people are sitting and drinking and even dancing. Another loud explosion startles Rey; when she looks up, she sees a thousand violet sparks in the night sky. Another firework goes off behind it, this one a dazzling display of red and yellow.

“They’re used for celebrations,” Ben explains, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind. She leans back against his chest, watching as more fireworks fill the sky. 

“They’re beautiful.”

“They are.”

She tears her eyes away from the sky and realizes he’s watching her. “You’re not even looking at the sky.”

“No,” he admits, touching her cheek. “Rey...I love you so much. I know you know that, but...I want more. I want to be yours in every possible way.” He presses his forehead to hers. “Will you marry me?”

Her breath catches. She’d always known she was going to spend the rest of her life with Ben, but to marry him? To be his wife? His  _ family? _

“Yes,” she breathes. “Of course.”

He kisses her deeply, his tears mingling with hers. 

Overhead, the skies fill with light.


	27. epilogue

_ Five Years Later _

Ben walks up and down the row, watching his students’ form. There are only six, but it’s more than he’d ever thought he’d teach before.

Rey was right, when she’d told him he’d be a good teacher, but he hadn’t quite believed her until they’d taken in Temiri. He’d liked teaching the boy, and when others had found them, he’d liked teaching them too.

It’s ironic; he’d spent so many years wanting to be nothing like Luke. Now he finds himself following in his footsteps.

They’d gone back to Dantooine after the war. They’d brought Temiri, and his friends Oniho and Arashell; the other two are not Force sensitive, it’s true, but they’d wanted to stay together, and Ben hadn’t seen the harm in taking in two more children. They have a tutor droid now, but they plan to leave for a Legislative Youth Program soon. With new students and new responsibilities, Temiri doesn’t seem as reluctant to part with his friends as he was five year ago. 

The young boy has shown an aptitude for the Force that had surprised even Ben. Despite only being fourteen now, he’s been with Ben and Rey the longest, and they’d felt confident leaving him in charge for the last few days, what with everything going on.

It’s good to be back, Ben decides, but he keeps glancing in the direction of the house he and Rey had built. He keeps reaching out to check on her, and when she’s not sleeping, she’s reassuring him that all is well. His parents and Chewie are looking after her, and even though Ben trusts them, he’s eager to see her again, even if it has only been a few hours and she’s quite literally only a few yards away. 

When he sees her walk out the front door, he knows he’s not going to be able to concentrate on lessons anymore.

“Good,” he calls to his pupils. “Very good. We can stop here for today.”

“Master?” calls Jacen, one of the newest students. “When will we get to make our lightsabers?”

“When you have mastered your forms...and can learn to stop hitting your sister with your practice saber.”

Jacen makes a face as his twin sister sticks out her tongue at him.

“You are dismissed for the day.”

All but Temiri run off, chasing each other to the stream. Temiri, ever dutiful, picks up their practice sabers and puts them away.

“You’ve done well,” Ben tells him, and the teenager beams. 

“Thank you, Master. You taught me well.”

Ben ruffles his hair--a habit he knows Temiri doesn’t mind as much as he pretends to--and makes his way to Rey.

She has always been beautiful, but with their child in her arms, she looks positively radiant. He kisses her deeply, his hand cupping their son’s head. 

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” she admits. “We both did, didn’t we?”

The baby yawns, his little limbs stretching beneath his blanket before he stills again. He’s impossibly small; Ben can hold him in one hand. He’s the most perfect thing Ben has ever seen in his life. He’s loved his son ever since he felt him move inside Rey, but nothing had prepared him for holding him for the first time. Even now, several days after his birth, Ben is filled with emotion at the sight of him. He can’t believe that something so perfect could have come from him. He and Rey  _ made _ this child.

“How was he?” Ben asks now, stroking his son’s forehead. 

“Slept most of the day, only woke up to nurse. Your parents can’t get enough of him.”

“Can you blame them?”

Han and Chewie have been living on Dantooine part time ever since Ben and Rey moved here, but they’d transitioned to full time once Rey had gotten pregnant. Leia has been threatening to retire for years, but there had always been some passion project to keep her involved with the Senate. With a grandchild, though, maybe she’ll finally settle out here, or at least come visit more often. Ben thinks he would like that.

“They’re already asking when we’ll give him a little sibling.”

“Oh no.”

“I told them when I’m not sitting on ice anymore.”

Ben barks out a laugh. “Sorry. I guess I didn’t realize how...into the grandparent thing they would be.”

“I’m glad,” she admits. “It’s...nice, to know he’ll be surrounded by people who love him.” 

Ben kisses her again. “Come on. It’s almost time.”

They walk up the slope together, their pace slow so that Rey can keep up. She leans heavily on Ben, and she keeps leaning on him even after they’ve reached the crest of the hill. 

They get there just in time to watch the sun begin to set, the sky turning a golden-red. It’s Ben’s favorite part of the day; he comes here every evening to watch the sunset, and Rey usually comes with him. They’ve missed the last few days, and the sunset today is all the more beautiful for it. 

Ben wraps his arms around his wife and child, kissing her head as they watch the sun make its descent. 

“Look, Anakin,” Rey is murmuring. “It’s your first sunset.”

The baby opens his eyes, and though Ben knows he can’t see more than a few feet in front of him, it’s as if he really can see the sunset. He makes a small sound, fists and feet moving beneath his blanket.

“He likes it,” Rey decides. “I can feel it.”

Ben kisses her head again. “I feel it too.”

The Solo family stands together, watching the sky change. Ben’s heart has never been fuller. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading <3


End file.
